Extremes

I tend to swing to the extremes. Either eat alot, or simply don’t eat. Not great for my stomach, I need to take note of this.

Badly need proper rest. In pain these days, perhaps due to the colder weather. Need proper sleep whereby my muscles and nerves can just be relaxed and not be so tensed up. Is this part of old age growing pains? 😭

It’s not easy. Been taking a very long time to recover. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Not rushing. Need healing. Need time. Need peace. I thank God for giving me such moments. Hardships, trials, betrayals, abandonments, pains. If I haven’t encountered these, I wouldn’t have a sense of urgency to wake up from my uncommon senses… So, I thank God for all that had happened. I woke up. Am I indeed completely awakened? Not really…I am still in progress. All by the grace of God. All by the mercy of God. All by the blessings of God. Let thy will be done. I am tired. So exhausted. Just wanna sleep.

Running low on battery. But I still want to thank God. For when I am weak, that’s when I can clearly see that I am nothing, and all I have is by the grace and mercy of God. So keep in mind, for myself, even if I were to be strong and recover well, it’s all due to the grace and mercy of God. Not by myself. It’s Lord Almighty. Not me.

I am taking baby steps. Really slow. I get exasperated with myself. At times. But I try to remind myself, that it’s God’s timing. After a long period of hiatus, I finally start to cook, once again. In a way, cooking is a stress reliever. Washing up is a stress reliever. And eating my own home cooked food, I think it’s priceless. Yes I am still exhausted. But I am used to pushing myself forward. Don’t sink to complacency. Try…keep trying…for the sake of better nutrients in my meals.

A day at a time. Life is just too unpredictable. Sometimes, I do wonder, should we just YOLO, or should we really make sure we’re well secured for retirement? I want to be responsible for myself, and not let family or society be responsible for me. What is the vision that I have?…The years passed by like wind, the COVID years. I think during those years, I must have been sleeping, in my dreams. Anyway, it’s always a constant struggle, I’m finding myself, finding my way…

Too tired now 😞 shall think about this on another day…

MON 4 DEC 2023 10:47PM