A cup of tea takes my stress away

image

I wonder, are there people who do not feel stress? Not that I thrive in being stressed, or I envy those who aren’t stressed, I just feel that it’s OK to feel a certain amount of stress. However one has to be realistic about it. If stress is causing us to break down frequently or having increasing bouts of unhappiness/angst, this may be an indication that we aren’t dealing well with stress. On the other hand, without stress, we may not have the motivation to move forward in life.

Indeed, we can never please everyone. Since donkey years ago, I have stopped trying to please everyone. To me, there are some people who can never be satisfied. When you aren’t good, they want you to be better. When you are better, they want you to be the best. When you are the best, they are jealous of you. Oh how strange! No, these are just random thoughts and observations of mine. I may or may not have encountered them.

Anyway, perhaps I can try not to talk about serious topics. Come frivolous times! Group A: Clothes, cosmetics, facial care. Group B: Furniture, gadgets, hobbies. Group C: Places of interest, sports, food.

Group A: Clothes, cosmetics, facial care.
I can set up a thrift shop. Too many clothes. And I really need to get down to start sifting them out. Make sure I retain those clothes that aren’t too ‘youngish-looking’ for me. I keep hearing that I look young. I don’t know whether I should feel happy or sad. Seriously. And of course I am scared. Why? While I can still toy with such questions now, it wouldn’t be long before that I realise that all these times have flown by so quickly. In a flash. I wish…I have done more when I was in my 20s. I wish…I have ventured to Japan. So now, many years late. What should I do? Create a Japanese home here ;)😄:)

Cosmetics. I only get the usual items and use the usual few items. BB Compact for the spf, lipstick, eyebrow color, blusher. And it’s just the same process daily. Hardly use the eyeliner, though I finally found one that suits my teary eyelids. I can’t even use mascara, totally sensitive to that. Perhaps that’s a good thing, since I just stick to the basics. Quick routine daily. And some days I just put on the sunscreen…and I am happy! LOL

Facial care. Used Clarisonic, Panasonic gadgets in the past. Took a break from them due to my travels. Most likely I would resume the routine again. I don’t pile aplenty on my skin, though I would love to do so. But my skin can’t take it. So I stick to just a bit beyond minimal. I love Envie de Neu products, lightweight waterbased solution, but a tad too heavy on my pockets. Switch to my trustworthy selected Korean products, namely Laneige and occasionally Innisfree. However, as I progress in age, it’s important to purchase selectively. Not all products from the same brand will be suitable for me.

Group B: Furniture, Gadgets, Hobbies
Furniture…usually I get the ones I adore. Because they are expensive and bulky, I have to make sure I indeed love to see them in my house. And because I love to see them so much, if ever I have a change of location, most likely they will follow me too…OK, I am strange. I like furniture. I used to dream of being a furniture designer, interior designer, architect…Why didn’t I focus on my passions? On the other hand, I recognise that I have too many passions. I like to do programming as well. But programming is rather restrictive in a way, due to the sequential and logic processes. And for that, it’s hard for me to pursue this passion due to a clash with my strong preference for freedom. Gadgets…but I have limited resources, thus I couldn’t be buying all the iMac, Nexus, Surface Pro…and these are just one particular group of gadgets. What about mobile? Accessories etc?

Hobbies. I love painting and sewing. And yet I haven’t been allocating enough time for these. I may be surfing the net mostly, but surfing is not my hobby. Not my passion. I surf the net mainly for information. And as usual, I may not be using the information now, but it will be useful sometime later…most often. As long as you know how to recognise certain aspects of the information, link them and recreate. Despite the time spent, it’s not my passion.

Group C: Places of Interest, Sports, Food
There are places I like to go to. Not shopping malls. Just big wide open space. Where I can be close to the sky, get the warmth, inhale the fresh air (hopefully?). And of course, my number one favourite is: Museum!!!!! I love Museums. All types of museums. Science, History, Nature, Art, Culture. Can’t be happier when I watched the movie ‘A night in the Museum’. Hahaha…my secret fantasy since young.

Sports. I like anything that allows me to move…fast. Speed. Cycling. Inline skating. But I do know that I actually love skiing most. It’s tough, the equipment is heavy. But it’s a good workout. And a great thrill to be zooming around in whiteness…💖💕💖

Food. What can I say? I love to eat. Only exception would be the food I am allergic to, especially for those that resulted in my giddiness. I can still bear with being lactose intolerant. But I can’t bear with things spinning in my head.

I have my plans. And I want to commit all my plans to God. I know that when God tells me that I should just go ahead with the plan, He will make sure my heart yearns for it so much. God stirs my heart, while all along I am quite dormant. Perhaps I see a strange pattern now. But as it’s still unclear since I’m always so busy running here and there, I can’t really understand the gist of it. And I need a good amount of time with God…just to be quiet.

Artwork

image

There are many things I enjoy doing, but yet I’ve not been doing. Deprivation. At times I feel sad, but how can I afford the time? I only have 24 hours, and I am a Jack of all trades, aiming to be Masters of all. 😑😥 Why do I have to be so hard on myself? One might think and ask. Why?…Because that’s just me. I don’t believe in sitting around and expecting miracles to happen. Of which, many people deem miracle as a sort of happening that others must give to you, freely.

Even air is not free. You need purified air to have better breathing. Is space free? We know how tight we are in this vacuum we are in right now. Is love free?…I think aplenty definitions of love theories and gurus exist everywhere.

What can change? It’s tiring to deal with changes. But I have had so many changes all along that perhaps I’ve grown too accustomed and numbed to the notion of change. Isn’t change the only constant in life? And for that, how do we even identify changes we have encountered?

I am thankful that I’ve been given opportunities to grow. No doubt these times are tough and I often collapse due to exhaustion, I get to see my strengths and directions very clearly. I have to, I don’t want to waste too much time dealing with crappy stuffs and reasons. I have EQ but I can choose not to use it. Likewise, when it’s time to downplay our IQ, we should. There’s no need to run in front of everyone right from the start. It’s kind of nice to enjoy the breeze, laugh and do some other irrelevant things before you decide to bring yourself to focus on something for the longest period of time.

It is alright to lose. It is alright to fail. It is alright to make mistakes.
What I wouldn’t want to do is: make the same type of loses, keep failing in the same task, keep making the same mistakes. Keyword: SAME

I am bored with the same. I gain an autopilot of creating a system fast and I end up getting bored. So I recreate the system, and I rest. When I am bored with my rest, I search for newer stuffs.

I can do so with objects. And perhaps activities I do with people.

However, it is also nice to just let it run in the system and forget much about it.

Now, let me try to tell myself…arrange the time to do my artwork and hopefully to go to Louvre once again…💕💕💕

16 years ago and 16 years from then

image

Can I believe this?

At times I wonder whether I am a magnet. And what type of magnet am I?

Seriously I am in no way the cutie pie sorts, kpopsters etc. So what am I? There is a reason why I don’t like to socialise. Because I just want to be alone as and when I like. I am too well adjusted to this, and have been like this for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I really didn’t understand why there was a need to have a BGR. I knew that my classmates thought I was so uniquely awesome and at the same time they feared me. Oh well, they said they respected me and wondered how I managed to be the way I was. Needless to say, I didn’t establish much of a good friendship back then because my focus was not on boys, not on girls, but on my end goal: Graduate from Uni with a degree.

Not without hardships though, when my grades would get me into Communication Studies and the prestigious Business Studies. But my family comes first. And as always, I choose family as my priority. My loved ones.

I made it my choice. And though looking back, sometimes I still blame myself for not thinking of myself first, I know that it’s just me being me. People will not understand my choice and decision, thus there isn’t a need for any explanation. Just as always, I believe that those who support me need not have to grapple with my explanations. Thus, nothing needs to be told. In any way.

It’s ok to be misunderstood. Isn’t it? No one accepts it when the truth is being told, or when we are being too frank about it. Don’t people like to hear only happy things, good things that work for their agenda in life? Well, there isn’t a need to say too much at times. Whatever will be, will be. I am tired, and I don’t want to talk.

I ask myself, is it a good feeling to be noticed by the other gender?

Well, 16 years ago…being young and lively back then. I can understand…Now? Hmm….I guess I am just tired of being noticed…at times. At the end of it, people want to know you better. But, do I want them to know me better? I have no interest in establishing anything. Even my very recent friendship happens despite my passive stance. And I find myself reciprocating because I have to allow chances…

Not that I don’t appreciate friendships and sorts. I do, and I care. But just that somehow, I am not created to be warm…and proactive about it.

Back to the point. Physically I am getting older. And I thought that’s being shown on my face, no? My mannerisms, no? 😦 And I am already not a very ‘friendly’ person as much as I know. When I was much younger, yes I was very very friendly and cheerfully chirpy. But then things became complicated, I felt so silly and down, and realised I was just being idealistic. Even just barely a decade ago, I told myself I couldn’t be a friendly person, because friendliness would result in complications in real life.

Speaking of which, sometimes I do miss the person whom I seem to be able to converse with intellectually. But given the circumstances at that time, it was impossible. And remember, I am a person with plenty of moral ideals? Thus, I try my very best to appear cold towards people. It’s not difficult after all, since I enjoy being on my own after all. Less people, less complicated headaches.

Oh well, at least I know I will be delighted to see Lee Min Ho, even though there are other rising Kdrama stars who are hotter (and can act better) than him. So for this record, I know I am fine. Having an eye candy at times is fine. Me being an eye candy…is…😎😜