There are books dealing with the 5 languages of love: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. Some of us use one or a combination to express our love. Some of us look forward to receiving one or a combination of these from people in our live. At any point in time, we are most likely to give and receive. However, there are times when we end up being just the giver. It depends on situation. As a parent, would one grumble about being the giver and not receiving?…And if the parent grumbles about not receiving, is the parent’s sole focus on the part of not receiving or trying to impart the reminders of care for people? As a partner, would one hanker for more chances to receive, albeit from any random partners as well, or would one be focusing on expressing his/her language(s) of love – since love is the core? As a child, would one throw tantrums and plant dark thoughts simply because the parents discipline out of care and concern, or would one bear with the moment and learn from experiences that love is not just based on sweet nothings?
How we express our love, may not be the same as how we like to receive our love. Unfortunately some people just like to assume. Assumption is a high danger. Never assume. Go and check it out. Go and open your big eyes. Go and spend more time. Go and listen with your ears and heart, not mainly talk.
I used to think that people who have siblings would grow up loving. Because you have your siblings around you for years, you fight, you make up with one another. You learn to care, share, respect, understand one another. And in so doing, you learn about relationships. Relationships in the family that stem from the word LOVE. Yeah, that’s a big word. Awesome word for me, when it’s related to family and friends. I don’t use it loosely. Lest it cheapens the meaning.
However, I notice that not all families are the same. You may have siblings, but you don’t care a hoot about them. You don’t talk (as in deep conversations), you don’t care enough to be worried about their safety, you don’t want to see the best for them in their lives. Yet on the other hand, I also see families who are very caring, bonded, sharing, loving, and no competition.
Ah….competition. I simply dislike this word competition. Be it used for our personal or professional life. Competition breeds jealousy, insecurity, evil thoughts. It creates rife when there should be peace. Well, some people may say, What’s life if you don’t rock the boat? OK, I don’t get it. Why can’t you row your boat? You get to enjoy the cool breeze and the warm sunshine at your own pace…⛅🚣
In my younger days (oh yes now that I’m getting way older I get to use this phrase!), somehow my classmates used my grades for History and Chinese as a benchmark for themselves. I dislike that. For who on earth determines that I am good in History and Chinese, except by the markers of the papers I sat for? And 一山还有一山高, to use me as a benchmark is not a healthy way. For it means that we cannot reach our potential based on our interests. I believe that we achieve, not through competition, but through collaboration. With collaboration we have a better chance of learning new things and discover different stuffs. To me, we grow together, and this is a win-win situation.
But well no, unfortunately there are some who just love nothing but competition. They seem to brighten up when there is a competition. When there isn’t, they are back to their slacking self. To me, this is the real definition of ‘十分钟热度’. Sizzling only for a moment and dissipates thereafter. Of course to them, they would most likely view me as one whom they should win (not can win). Because I am almost always in my slacking mode, as according to their point of view. I cannot imagine how skewed they are and how microscopic they have been. Just like the classmate (I think most of us would have at least one) who keeps playing the whole day and not studying, yet becomes the top scorer for the cohort. Or just like the dorky one whom we would not imagine that he/she would have such a good taste in design and fashion. 人不可貌相.
Maybe I am influenced by the recent Kdrama that I just caught on. Dorky…hmm.
5 languages of love.
Gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.
Mine: gives – gifts, quality time and acts of service.
I love you, I am happy to buy the things which I think you like/would be good for you (within my limited budget unfortunately, I can’t get the stars and the moon).
I love you, I am willing to put aside my ever-craving-for me-time (provided I don’t deem you as being sticky and clingy).
I love you, I will always INSTRUCT/SEND REMINDERS/SIMPLY DO. I can’t term instruct and reminder as words of affirmation. Though they comprise of words, they aren’t affirmative ones. Hence they serve more like a service instead.
As above, only the third one is not restrictive. So I use Acts of Service almost all times. Yes, does that equate to being naggy? Well, I don’t have a very good memory. So if I actually hold a person’s important events/daily items close to my heart and mind, it takes a tremendous load weighing on my mind. If one prefers me not to nag, I simply stop and I get these loads off my mind for these are weighing me down far too much. The first two are restrictive, so does that mean I don’t love the person? Well, I think with restrictions, that means I love myself more as I do not allow myself to be exploited.
Mine: receives – quality time, acts of service
People are too preoccupied with their things in life. Work, entertainment, studies, friends and family. Some people place a great proportion of their life on entertainment, be it xbox, *ahem activities, or videos. Too much of one do more harm than good. I can imagine myself sticking to watch Do Min Joon-shi over and over again. And how would that affect my relationship with my dear ones???…I would be selfish if I expect my dear ones to stick around and wait for me, be at the beck of my call…remember, love and acts of love….they aren’t one-sided. I am not a hopeless melancholic love addict. So, if one willingly set aside time for me (noting the fact that I prefer to have my me-time over most) I would appreciate this kind gesture.
The wow-me-over factor would be acts of service. Because I do my acts of service with the thoughts of my loved ones in the core of my heart and mind, I would love to think that’s the same from others…no? Hmm…However, if the person claims credit for acts of service, that’s a no-no for me. Thank you very much, I believe that I can manage such services myself as well, or even better and more efficient.
For those who brighten up my life with their acts of service, I remember them…forever. Family, friends, acquaintances. Kindness from them, standing together with me…
For those who choose to share their moments with me, I enjoy the times with them. And that forms a good part of my memory and I cherish these special times. Kinship and comradarie develop.
For those I present my languages of love to: I wish and hope for the best of them. Life is not a race. Life is walking the roads together. And yes, I will be there for my dear ones. Unless they tell me they do not want me to be here for them.
Sent from 👒👗👠👜📱