Burdened; Appreciation

I am burdened with aplenty. Maybe I should pride myself in being such a trustworthy person. But that doesn’t mean I am without flaws. I have my wise words for people I care. I have plenty of philosophical phrases, thanks to combination of my reading guides of Socrates, Aristotle, Plato and Homer. But do I put them loosely on my lips? Nope, I don’t and I won’t. Why? Because situations differ for everyone, you can’t use a single formula for all. And I certainly won’t use my philosophical words to escape my responsibilities. For those who do, i think, let the like-minded congregate, so to speak.

I am thankful when one appreciates. I am not without flaws, but when I do my best and with my brains and devotion, I certainly look forward to constructivism. Unfortunately, in the psychological world, there are some who choose to react with criticism, most likely that’s due to threats of their very existence. I would say, if one is excellent, why would one see others as threats?… Oh right, I see it in this way, because you aren’t excellent enough, hence you react with criticism. And I’m like, oh right, what-ever!…To say the truth, I don’t like to waste energy. I’m very much into energy conservation, don’t like to waste food, waste paper, waste time…and waste my emotions. LOL at the last. Oh well, I do have my emotional self. And when I love, I really love with my guided feelings. But I am not immature. So there are areas which I know that I will tread carefully, lest I step onto the mud.

People come to me for wise words. People confide in me their exasperations. Hmmm…I feel drained. I can only ask from God for wise guidance and energy. I know being an Android is not my default. But I have to be so, else everything will be in chaos. I can’t possibly just act according to how I feel at that very moment, can I? Don’t I think of the repercussions, especially in the long run? Well, for those who don’t understand, they will not understand. So in this case, do they actually matter to me? They don’t. I am an Android, remember?

I cherish good people. Everyone can say all kinds of things, but being consistent is the key. And consistency allows us to see the actual intentions of a person. There are people who do things with a motive. We see this almost everywhere. Hence I really cherish people who give their all, simply because they care for the people around them. Utmost admiration and respect from me. That’s indeed such a refreshing change from those who only think of themselves in their microscopic world.

I am in this world to contribute, not to be a grabber. The more one contributes, the happier one becomes in the process. For God has said, give and you will be given. People can say all kinds of things. At the end of the day, if the words bring me away from contributing to society, isn’t the intention quite obvious?

The man I love, must have a heart to contribute back to society. Don’t just think for yourself. This world is a better place when we learn to embrace one another. In a matured way. Not the overtly misused romantic way, tsk tsk.

Words from an android: Being overtly emotional may serve as a stumbling block, whereas being overtly heartless may create misunderstandings.


THE song: Always On My Mind

This is THE song that stirs my heart without fail each time I listen to it. I have heard the renditions of this by Elvis and Pet Shop Boys, as well as Zhao Chuan and original artiste Brenda Lee. I never grow tired of listening to this song. Just like the other song: Forever Young…for that song, it’s another story of its own.

As I listen to this song, I know that I can be very self-centered, or dumb to a very great extent. People tend to say that it’s due to a lack of E.Q. I don’t know. I show my concern to my family and friends, but I just don’t know how to demonstrate my feelings towards some people in my life. Even up till now. Sometimes, I ask myself this, do I have to reciprocate everyone’s good feelings towards me? I mean, if you view me as your friend, I can really be at ease with you. But if you view me as more than that, I really don’t know how to react. It always happened. And I just keep pushing such feelings away. I am so occupied with my life, I really find it hard to cope with time. I need a lot of time for myself, as usual, to do the stuffs that I have given up on in the past. I want the time for myself. I haven’t changed much, I am still in need of time.

I am thankful when people show their concern for me, and take the extra steps to make sure that I get it. But in a way, I think it’s ultimate my choice to decide whether I want to take it or leave it. I don’t want to end up making the other person feel neglected, just because I want time for myself.

I don’t deny that it’s a good feeling to share the times together. Just that right at this moment, I am not ready for anything else. I just want to enjoy my time, explore my likes and further my interests. Maybe I am a bore, I am not exciting enough. LOL this is what I think I might be, after all. But seriously, I believe that to the person, I am so different. Too different that he cannot believe that I exist. LOL…

I am not void of emotions. Just that, I don’t really kind of display it on my face. And for that, I wonder, how do I show reciprocation on my face???…

I have people telling me, not to ‘miss the boat’. But what boat? I am not ready to set out on an expedition, neither am I willing to settle on another land. Not yet. Not at this time. I am not concerned whether I have a boat in future. Simply, because I just want to enjoy myself now. Who can predict what is in the future?

Always On My Mind. Positive or negative? I am just thankful to the one who takes extra steps. Just like the one who would send me back to my ulu home just to make sure that I was safe, just like the one who pretended to jog and went to buy supper just for me at 12midnight, just like the one who stood behind me as we climbed a long flight of stairs simply to catch me if ever I fell, just like the one who asked me what present I would like to have from his trip to elsewhere, just like the one who pretended that he didn’t know anyone else who could help him but ended up he was the one helping me……I am just baffled for words. How do I react? Did I just take things for granted?…This worried me a great deal, because it may be too late by the time I show that I do care…and I care a lot………

What should I do this time???

Always On My Mind.
Thank you for the good memories.

Words from an android: Being overtly emotional may serve as a stumbling block, whereas being overtly heartless may create misunderstandings.