A leisure boat ride

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Yokohama is a refreshing change from the clustered city of Tokyo. I am glad that the ride to Yokohama doesn’t take up too much time, and it’s a nice area to explore. Some parts of it resemble my homeland, but the feeling is totally different. Perhaps I am a visitor, so I don’t feel certain vibes.

I remembered going to this museum and an elderly man told me he didn’t know I am a Japanese who don’t speak Japanese. I knew he sounded flabbergasted, but I was also equally frustrated. It was very strange of him to insist I am a Japanese, to him. The other elderly folks are nice, and usually expressed their surprise to discover that I am not a true blue Japanese. Oh right…do I need to tell them my entire clan history??? While I do like Japan, I don’t like them to insist I am with them, while I am not with them. Oh, what am I saying? Have I been confused???

Anyway, getting around Japan is easy. At least to me. I guess that my years of trips to Taiwan have helped me a lot, because I have grown to be much more aware of my surroundings. And Taiwan bears much close resemblance to Japan. Only exception is Japan has multiple train lines and tracks that may overwhelm an infrequent traveler. But by and large, as with time, one should have no problem familiarising oneself with the system and the various local sights and regulations. I miss Japan a lot, and I am very thankful that God has blessed her generations of people. A 6-year gap from my last visit. I am thankful for all the nice people I’ve encountered along the way.

I have my plans. And seriously, I don’t know whether they will work out in the end. I may be in my own dream world. But aren’t we entitled to invent based on dreams? Hmm….

God bless. And truly, I can only commit all plans to Him. I may be late in realising and perhaps progressing, but nevertheless, I believe in arriving in my dreamland eventually. Seriously, I don’t want to live my life full of regrets. Should I not cross my hurdle just because I deem it as rocking the boat? I have to take the step, and start stepping, instead of being stationary at the same position admiring the scenery. Ah, as if there is a beautiful scenery indeed!

At times I wonder, have I always been very family-oriented? Do I look like one who is very family-oriented???…

I remember a friend. Always eager to have a family. And yet threw the family away when the interest waned. I can still remember the enthusiasm shown. Comparatively, I am totally cold…towards the notion of a family.

I love my own family. My parents, siblings and child. I just find it hard to accept anyone else into this inner circle. Yes, I do not want. And thus it’s hard to accept. I wonder, do I feel problems accepting this fact, or the other person has more problems accepting this fact about myself?

I want to think of myself as selfish. I can’t find a better word than this term. I like to share with my loved ones. And I can freely give my loved ones…almost everything. But, seriously, I think I have not been able to accept other loved one (s). Haha, that should be a singular, not a plural. I don’t have such a big heart to contain so many people after all.

I don’t like to get into mundane lifestyle. But does a dynamic one suit me after all? Considering the fact that I’ve encountered such a huge turbulence during my good years, and moving forward, being happier and free, do I want to place myself into a turbulent lifestyle?…

Few years ago, it was suggested to me that I’m having a mid-life crisis. Hmm….actually I am just thinking much too deeper and deeper…for more than a thousand, million times. I enjoy thinking, but at the same time, I dislike thinking. Killing my brain cells every now and then, does that seem like a joy to me?…

It’s good to take a leisure boat ride along the Yokohama MM21 area. I most likely won’t be visiting this city again, at least within the next 5 years…since I will be venturing to other parts. It’s interesting to note that while I have 2 friends who married the Japanese, one dislikes Japan a lot, while the other has all praises for Japan…

So, what does my heart tell me? Can I simply trust my heart? …given that I’ve also changed or progressed during these 6 years.

Smiling with the thoughts
Lovely and such
I see the white clouds
And my heart flutters…

Interestingly I think of poetry only during the times I see Japan. Seriously, I must have been such a romantic at heart! 🙊🎋🍃🌷🌿

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A lighthouse beside a retired luxurious liner

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I am a human. Of course, I have my emotions. Not as what some people might think, that I am totally cold, unfeeling and such.

Today, I feel very sad. Not upset. But very sad.
It’s hard to make a choice, and especially so when the choice doesn’t concern about your life (perhaps a small way Yes?) But this choice affects another person’s directions in life (most likely?).

I ask myself, what do I REALLY value?

We all know that a certain local household is known for believing in the gene pool. I don’t have many doubts in this belief, but at the same time, I do recognise that with the right combination of factors, industrious persona, determination, one can still achieve great and good things. However, to me, I need an additional factor, and that is, happiness.

I believe that when one is truly happy, one will be able to create and achieve. When you are truly happy, or perhaps, experience the state of happy, you are highly likely not inclined to be distracted by things in life. I ask myself, why will we be distracted? What does this mean? I realise, if I am distracted, most often it’s due to myself being discontented or greedy, and that puts me in the state of unhappiness, and with that, I am unable to produce good things for the benefit of people around me. And the meaning of ‘unable’ in this case, is not entirely related to my ability. But rather, I simply don’t want to.

I am glad that I am thinking this out. Aloud in words. I’m getting a clearer picture now. As an INTJ I operate in this manner. And because of the way I handle things systematically, people think I am an android, devoid of humane affections. Little do they know, what I have been thinking and spending time on, are usually on matters not totally related to me, myself. But well anyway, so be it, let such people see what they want to see. I am not interested with their point of views.

The lighthouse. I have wanted to go to one in Busan. But well, I don’t know when I will actually go to this place. And the question is also, will I choose to go to this place, as I have other choices as well?

This lighthouse. Beside Hikawa Maru. Not spectacular. Just a sign for myself 🚢🌟

Nostalgic moments

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Serene. A walk down a semi-memory lane.

The greenery. Nature bliss to me.

Old huts. Wooden planks. Tatami. Paper screens. Quasi-memory?

I am elated that I have some hours to do some roaming around this museum. Yes, it’s fake in a way, it’s a museum. But that’s one of the ways for me to immerse myself in this historic town. I can’t teleport myself to the past. What I can rely are just relics from the past, preserved by like-minded people who are into ancient and historical items like me.

I can imagine how people will be bored with this museum. What is exciting about this museum? There aren’t any neon lights, flashy adverts, noisy music…it’s just plain quietness. Quiet to the extent that I can sometimes hear my own heart beating with excitement…what a contrast!

So I am very delighted to see young people like me who love to visit this museum. They can choose to visit other places, right? Eg. Maids’ Café? But instead, young people like us choose to immerse our day for this time, to learn about the culture and the way people used to live in the past. This is something which I hold dearly to…that while I am thankful for all the technological advancements, people just don’t seem to value connection that much these days. Or rather, the notion of ‘affiliation’. What/Who do you feel close to? How do you identify yourself?

Shall I say that I respond very much to voice???…How can I forget the voice that melts my heart each time???…Not everyone has the same voice, pitch and tone. And I am not stirred by words. Definitely not words when words are just plain meaningless when they are being uttered by the sweet talkers.

One just has to be quiet. And with THAT voice. How to be quiet and yet talk at the same time? 😦

The walk down the streets, with the trees livening up with their greens. I think of my poem once again. And perhaps, in time soon to come, I may pluck up my ultimate courage…to be that leaf……

The reason why I am always afraid to step into the place. I am afraid of the constant reminders and the stirrings of my heart. All these made me mad and I can’t think logically thence. Avoidance is the best solution I can think of for myself. I rather I place myself away, than to put myself forever into temptation. Not that I can’t pick up this temptation this time round, but rather I need to cross my own hurdle. Does it mean that when time allows, I shall just place myself straight to what I have so desired?…Since young, I have been making decisions and doing things that satisfy the majority of the people close to me. What about myself? Have I forgotten about myself?

I don’t want to think about all these…for these made me break into tears. For it has been such a long time for me to find my place, my love, my serenity. I don’t want to be in a culture where I have to amass as much wealth and fame as I can. I don’t want to be in a culture where I have to be strong so that people shan’t bully me. I don’t want to be in a culture where I have to place MYSELF as the main priority.

Perhaps as what I have always desired, I should not be in a city filled with skyscrapers, daily petty news, nonsensical pursuits of everything.

Who understands? My inner self calling aloud, each time I know what makes me happy…and I have to remain strong. Strong enough to face the day, and the days thereafter.

My love. I am sorry. For it does take a long while before I allow myself to indulge in my delight. Time is a lovely possession which makes you yearn for more…and yet makes you feel both pain and happiness…