Strange combination: Casual

Kinda bored these days. Look at my wardrobe, and I think right now, I’ve filled them with dark stuffs. Totally not me :/ I hate to be in a cage. I’m just like a bird, in the cage, remaining ‘pretty’ and sing. Crap.

Maybe i’m in a semi-cranky mood. The pain I keep feeling in my body makes it worse each day. And I’m upset that I’ve such a responsive digestive system. Nothing gets retained! What’s the point?!

Ok. Bring myself back to my focus. Maybe someone irritates me on and off. I don’t understand. If the presence is not a happy one, can we reduce the amount of crap contact???

I just want peace and quietness. This world has too much noise and voices around. I can’t hear myself, and I can’t hear God well. No wonder my sis booked herself into a room just to pray and listen. I should do that too, shouldn’t I???? But hey, why would I need to do that, when I have this place?…I think I just want a short getaway. To the sea. But I can’t. I don’t have the time. And it’s impossible in the coming months as well 😦

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚


Forever New and Theme Japan

I didn’t know that this set of top and bottom looks so nice together. Haha, amazing combination!

I think, ζƒ…δΊΊηœΌι‡Œε‡Ίθ₯Ώζ–½. I may think one looks nice, you may think otherwise. Similarly, you may not find my looks nice either. Haiz. If only we have a machine that can be programmed to let us have what we want for our feature, would that be great?…

I always thought, people with similar features would be attracted to each other. But I think, I’ve made a mistake. People with similar characteristics would be attracted to each other. I notice this a lot. Whereas in terms of looks, I find that it’s opposites attract. I think this is kinda strange, but so far, this happens…to me? But I’m not…because I like people with similar features as myself. Oh, is this strange?

If only I can just stop. I’m so tired. Life should be simple. Why do people make life complicated? Do they seriously think they have advanced in life in this way??? I don’t understand, cannot comprehend, and unable to accept wholeheartedly. Maybe that’s why I always crave to go back to the basics. I think I like to be with the fish. Fishy smell? I understand that people are being repelled. But I really like the fishes. Sell fish? πŸ™‚

I dislike forever running and chasing. Always going ahead, walking fast, not smelling the flowers. I love flowers, trees, animals, water, lake…just like The Lorax. What have we done to all these???

Enough is enough, this will be at some point.

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚

Mango Dress :)

Bought this cotton Mango Dress many months back. Intended to wear during CNY. Ended up having enough clothes to last me, hence I only started wearing it now. I love the light cotton. So comfy in humid weather. Despite the fact I hardly sweat. I love how light this piece is.

Mood has been getting better. Perhaps it’s because I’m looking forward to something. I don’t know. I guess, that we have our low and high moments. I just don’t want history to repeat itself. Maybe this time round, I can handle such low moments better. Anyway, who am I? I’m a ball, bounce bounce bounce……..!

When I heard the thunder yesterday, I really felt as if the loud roars were from God, God was angry, people were crying. Almost went into a poetic mode. I guess when days are cooler, my mood changes as well. I remember the trip out in the cool park in Hokkaido. I remember the indication of the temperature. I remember the serenity of the park. I remember the soft sounds of the nature. I remember……how I wish I remain behind!!!!!!!……

Certain memories I can’t erase. They are rooted deeply in my mind, and my heart. I can’t forget. They are just too pleasant, just exactly what I want and what I love!!!!!!…Why can’t people simply understand this? Why don’t people understand that there are people like me, us, who simply want a simple happy life???????? Seriously, I don’t need a tv, a computer etc. I just need the cool serene calmness of the nature in Hokkaido. And the nice people I’ve encountered…I just love the place.

Oh well. Yes, years have passed by. But my perspective hasn’t changed. It still remains the same. I keep asking myself, what do I like? What do I want?…sometimes I get distracted as well, by all the sounds all the sights all the lights. What do I really like???

I guess, before I really can ascertain this, whatever I pray would be with half-heartedness. What’s the point then??? Waste of God’s time to listen to my prayers. He should hear the prayers from others who need His guidance more than me.

Many things have happened. I’ve thought and contemplated. I’ve planned and changed. I’ve heard and reverted. I’ve dreamt and realised. But I’m still not very decided on the final. To me, at this stage, I’m still at a small crossroad. Perhaps I should just go with the flow and see where God leads me to. He’ll be there with me, right?

Just learnt from this drama that your soulmate need not be the person you spend your life with. Oh?…?…Hahaha, I used to be termed the soulmate of a particular person, and yea, I seriously only thought of this person as my good buddy. Unfortunately, most people have various definitions and tend to confuse soulmate with other terms. Maybe we were all confused. Oh well, some form of reflection from this drama. I like this drama more than the previous one, though the first I watched was simply hilarious. Maybe this drama reminds me of being back to the basics and think simply don’t be clouded by all the various fears and doubts.

However, at the same time I’ve been wondering whether some people still behave as if they are in the olden days. We do progress right???

(oh my! I look so plump in this dress!)

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚

Rock Star (New Style!)

Hahahahaha πŸ˜€
I’m trying out a new style.
Rock. Punk. Funky.
Can I carry it well? O_O
Quite sick of my sweet simple gal style. Some might take me for a simpleton. I’m not a doormat. I just have more patience and high tolerance than most people. Unfortunately, all these ended about 3 years ago. It’s fortunately for me, I stand corrected.

I’m quite confused about my sizing these days. Am I moving on to bigger size, or still with my current? Hey wait, what’s my current??? O_o Ouch!

When one keeps hearing similar comments/compliments, these don’t really matter that much…anymore. It’s akin to having too much of good/bad stuffs. There’s a point of saturation. I seriously wonder, what can really make one satisfied? And be contented?

I dislike distractions. Especially so when I’ve so made up my mind. What’s this?!?! I don’t find it healthy for me. Not at all. I seriously don’t think that content in K-drama will become a reality. Perhaps, neither do I want that to be a reality. At certain point in time, I might have wanted some thing very much. Very much till I was afraid. Then I took steps back, and went into seclusion. Asked myself. Questioned myself. This, is that what I want??? I know myself, if I can’t give a firm answer, I know that I’m not ready for anything in life. Be it whatever, I don’t just go with that moment of flow. If I do, I would have been out in the sea many times, to numerous places and islands. I would not have been rooted here.

Maybe I’m just too serious. To the effect of boredom. Oh well. Hahahaha.

What I do know about myself is, I’m not as predictable as one might think. I may not be one who goes with the flow. I would be one who starts an entire different outlet of flow. This, I’m patient enough to catch that moment. Regardless of the wait.

Apart from giraffe and horse, fox is the other animal I like. Husky is the dog I love. Ranking them? Hmmm……giraffe and horse belong to one category, whereas fox and husky belong to another. I love all four. Oh well, I love the nature. What else can I expect? Scotland and Japan. The fantastic memories πŸ™‚

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚

Jacket over top

I love pleats a lot. However, pleats may make one look more girlish. Hence I tried to tone that down with a jacket.

Finally got my Twin Stars casing and stick-on for my phone. The sales must hv been pretty bored in his job, hence he talked non-stop to me about my phone and my purchases. I am a person of few words, what else can I say? I’ve already paid for my purchases, can he give me a discount? LOL

I like to rest at home. Cook simple dishes. Look at my deco and furniture. Yup, I’m a rather dull person with not many extra curricular activities. Hence I don’t know how on earth can I really communicate to people. I have much to talk about current affairs, social issues and politics. I have much to talk about frivolous stuffs such as fashion and beauty. But, not everyone likes to talk about such topics. I realise, that many people prefer gossips to such issues. I don’t have much things to say about people. I don’t think I’m perfect, and hence I don’t expect others to be too. I just don’t like people who try to get me to say negative things about others. I think that’s bad. We all have a mind of our own. I have mine too. So I don’t like to be led by the nose. I can sense a manipulator far away. I trust in my senses. Very much. I’ve given people chances in the past. I’m not going to do that anymore. Yes, I’m sending them into condemnation land far too soon. But I still believe in my senses.

I love the colors of this Spring. So pastel and full of sherbet colors. Cool πŸ™‚ Nice πŸ™‚ Wonderful!

This medication is making me very drowsy. Now. I need to meet Mr Zhou…….ZzzzzZzzzz

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚

Black Red White: slightly brighter

I try my best to wear brighter clothes. Despite the mood. When I place myself away, my mood seems to get better. I’m a cheerful person by nature. I don’t like this period of me. The only way to cheer myself up is to see red and white. Like the flag.

I miss Japan. Sometimes I wonder about our love there. What makes me so attracted to her? I guess, it’s the sincerity and niceness of the people there. Perhaps they are so structured that I know what I can expect and what not to expect from them. At least I know……them. Their expectations. I can’t deal with water. Too fluid for my taste.

Things are strange. Or maybe it works in this strange way. I made my decision and I’ve been trying to deal with my heart for the past few weeks. Was that the reason why I felt so down? Just like when I forgo…….I can’t handle too many things at one time. I need a lot of time for myself.

What can I say? We all grow up, don’t we? I can’t expect the me a year ago to still remain the same now. Can I expect that of others?

If you can’t understand, don’t pretend you know.
If you don’t understand, then take the effort to know.

I’m at the crossroads.
I can’t do away with what I want and what I feel.

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚

Monotonous: Blue, Black, what else?

The opposite of love isn’t hatred. It’s indifference.

How apt.

Energy conservation.

Isn’t it quite sad to reach such a stage? Be it for whatever, to whatever. Be it for human, or a non-living object.

Abstract. Thoughts. Sentiments. Wild.

I’m just like an artist. I have artistry roots. I wonder how my grandfather felt in his days. Was it really so hard?…and so intense???…

I need music and art. I need forms of expression.

Hence, what I can do is to keep rearranging. All parts. Life. Dreams. Tasks. Goals. Objectives. Loves. Ideas. House. Objects. Hair. Make-up. Music. Oh well.

If only my grandfather told me about his heritage!

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚

Spring in mourning

This is spring time yet I’m wearing dark coloured clothes. I don’t like it. This is not me. But some people are just impressionistic either by nature or nurture. I can be extremely solemn when I want to be. Just be cold and distant, is that easy for me???

I still like sunflowers. They brighten my life and lift my spirits up. I guess, we do recognise who these are. I have my fun and jovial side. Likewise, I have my cold and distant side. It’s the ability to use, and do mood-switch that differentiates our EQ. Sometimes, I find that I can relate to Scorpio in this way. Just that I snap out faster than them. Much faster.

It’s always enjoyable to meet new and good people. I think, it’s important to recognise our likes and dislikes. I wouldn’t waste time on the dislikes. Sounds rather harsh, but yes, no, I don’t give a chance to the dislikes. No way. They are on a different ladder. Totally different. And hence I conserve my energy. My choice my decision.

Maybe I should get everything black. Ya, BLACK. BLACK.
Baa-baa black sheep
Have you any wool
Yes sir yes sir
Three bags full
One for my master
One for the dame
One for the little boy who lives down the lane

I saw real black sheep before. Not the figurative one. But the real physical one. Seriously, they look sterner than the white counterpart. Maybe they feel shortchanged, maybe they do know of people’s attitude towards them, maybe that’s why they are the way they are?…

Being one with lesser emotions is not a good feeling. Totally not a good feeling at all. I rather I feel…Has anyone considered the fact that I actually feel a whole lot more, much more than most of us here???…Maybe yes maybe not. Maybe that’s why when I wailed right in front of my ex zillion years ago, he had never ever grasped the gist of my emotions. My emotions are so intense that I’m afraid of losing hold of myself. Hence I am cold and distant.

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚

Purple top with white cropped pants

I have several styles.
Romantic-girly style
Korean style
Japanese matured lady style
Formal no nonsense style
Professional-looking style
The last two styles are used, when my moods are very bad and I’m sick of nonsense. I seek to distant myself. Being cold. Bearing no feeling. That’s when I realise as well, I have no love.

It’s a sad thing to find out that you have no love towards that ‘something’, be it someone or really a non-living thing. It’s sadder when you find out that you started out with love, only to be hurt badly over and over again to the point of unable to feel anything…and that’s when you die…or rather, the love that comes from you, died.

Losing a part of myself each day is a horrible feeling. To feel a part of my heart dying each day is painful. In the process of trying to reconcile myself to the whole situation, it’s highly likely that I revert to the robotic stage. No feeling no sense no mindset.

Many years ago, i went through the process of my heart dying each day. For I realised what I loved. It was just too late, hence I put it away and tried to bury it. ι»›ηŽ‰η°ͺθŠ±γ€‚ζ•΄δΈͺ过程ε₯½η—›θ‹¦γ€‚ζˆ‘ηš„εΏƒοΌŒηŠΉε¦‚θ’«εˆ€ε‰²γ€‚

It was mad. I really thought, I had lost myself. It didn’t help that in the harsher reality, I had to handle matters that I didn’t feel much for.

What am I saying? Am I lost?

It makes sense to me, for I went through all struggles by myself. Whom I talked to, what I heard, what he/she said, what we said, what I said. Some people, they just keep quiet. And pretended nothing happen. Some people, they keep quiet because they know that nothing will happen. Some people, they keep quiet, because their heart is dead.

I am not devoid of feelings. As much as I seem to be attuned towards systems and logic, I feel a great deal.

Going through a transitional stage now. I’m just too slow. Maybe I’m not a bull, I’m a snail!

How many people like to be tortured in such a way, seeing the love dying out day by day?

I still have many things to attend to. I think, some things are just not in my priority list now.

My life with dreams, love and family πŸ™‚