Mesh and Lace: Cardigan, Top, Skirt

Once in awhile, I’ll try to be more ladylike…oh yea? But that looks pretty vulnerable, and I don’t like it. There are some people in this local place who are still very MCP, or living in their very traditional world. Surprisingly, this group is quite a large group. And surprisingly, people whom I’ve really associated with aren’t that…except one particular fatal group, which used to be my entertainment friends back then. Actually I ought to have seen it coming. Birds of a feather flock together, stop living in denial. We all like to reason out using our own excuses. Why? Simply we can’t accept that some people are really THAT lousy. Why on earth would we want to think of others as that, when all along the people we befriended are people with a good sense of propriety?

I cannot stand tardiness. People who can’t be bothered to pay attention to people around them. People who are only concerned with things related to themselves and all else doesn’t matter. And hence they tend to give slip-shod work, half-hearted attention and energy. Pretty much lack of sincerity. And commitment. And responsibility. All these need to be cultivated since young. Should we expect a miracle when such a person is an adult?

My friend shared with us, that in Korea, upon being married, the ladies are expected to serve the entire household, quit their job and nurture the young. So why is there a need for the ladies to pursue higher education, and in particular get into the university? Well, nurturing the young doesn’t mean any Jane, Mary or Ann can do that. It’s so much easier to hire someone to take over the duties of coaching and tutoring your child, than you getting down to do the dirty work. In Korea, it’s important for the mother to be highly educated, and able to do all the H.O.T. stuffs, critic and analysis and develop and such. Look at the Lee’s family. The wife was definitely a very capable and intelligent woman. I remembered reading about an interview of her while she’s still alive. The way she responded to the reporter clearly demonstrated her intellect…

I think, just judging by the mundane things one talks about and dwells on, we can decipher the intellect of the particular person. Maybe to me, this sounded easy as I’ve met people on nearly both ends.

Don’t talk about mundane things, it’s quite a bore.
Don’t dwell on trivia matters, it’s a waste of energy.
As I’m watching some Kdramas now, at some point of time, I really feel like switching off the machine and stop viewing. No doubt the storyline was quite interesting and exciting initially…at some point, it just became draggy…and I hate anything that’s draggy. Why can’t things be more straightforward-looking? ??? Why can’t people just be straight to the point, instead of beating around the bush, or worse, hiding behind the bush?!

Maybe I just have no patience to run through any drama. In life, I also don’t have patience to deal with drama. I prefer to end it. Such waste of energy. For the Kdramas, if it’s not because of the suave eye-candy, I would most prob be fast forwarding every episode…! Having said that, I do like the pretty settings that most Kdramas have…and the concept. But well, I still like the Jdramas…very much, short and sweet, thinking questions for each episode…sets me thinking a great deal!… ^_^

My dream: Dreams are very important to me! 🙂

Polka dotted top

Sigh! I haven’t been able to wear pretty clothes for the longest time I ever encountered ;-( Everyday, it’s just casual pants and top, casual top and pants…so SAD! The daily visits for the wound dressing have been increasingly comfortable though, and the healing process has been fine, despite the fact I feel pain intermittently and the area is still with raw flesh…Maybe it’s healing and hence I’m feeling a slight tinge of pain akin to ant-bite?…hmmm.

For me right now, I’m pretty contented to see the area being lifted up, and the hole turning shallower. Am I easily contented? When the doc told me it would take about 2-3 years for it to be completely filled up, I was in a daze but felt consoled that it would eventually be filled up. Then I told a friend…and she said, no way, must pray that God cover the hole within a year!…Wow, I’ve never thought of that. I really should start praying like her, prayers are powerful and yes, I do believe in prayers.

Overdosage on Kdrama. I’m not the type who keep watching drama. I’ve seen quite a fair bit of drama in my own life, hence I seldom have patience to watch a set of drama. Movies are fine, but even so, I mainly prefer adventure packed ones…eg. Transformers, Avengers and Clash of the Titans. And yes, I like Iron Man. Once someone asked me which Marvel character I like. My reply was Iron Man. And the response to my reply was, hey you like older man???…LOL

It all depends. There are people who may be well-progressed in years of age but are mentally and emotionally lacking. Most of the time, it’s the experience that shape a person. Hence we’ll always tend to say that those born with a silver spoon in their mouth will never understand the peasants. Well, we shouldn’t dote on people to the extent of spoiling them silly. Sometimes, we may have unknowingly stifled them in the process, prohibited their growth.

I think my sisters look more Korean than me! Wow, the genetic structure of our maternal grandparents is terrific…we ended up looking like either a Korean or a Japanese. Hahaha…maybe that’s good, we aren’t authentic Han-Chinese anyway.

My friend mentioned about plastic surgery. People go to Korea for that as cosmetic tourists. Well, that’s kinda tempting. Change my jawline? My chin?… Hmmm… Nice thoughts huh 🙂 Most of us aim for perfection, don’t we? Perfection in life, in relationships, in studies, in career, etc. If I like an いけまん, I have to match up first, is this so?… It’s funny how I’m talking about this now. The world has changed, and no longer the old version of where such and such things cannot be done. It has transformed. Look at China, and South Korea! They are SO much different from, say, 2 decades ago!

To always try to match up to someone else’s standards is an extremely tiring process. And one may end up losing own identity. I never like to be in the shadow of another. And neither do I want to live in my own shadow. Everyday is a new beginning. Yup, it’s much easier to be said than done, but in life, it’s better to lessen the amount of regrets. However, how sure can we be?

I think, life is a lot better with smiles and laughter, and love, hopes and dreams……these are important ingredients to me which I never seem to have in the past for they were dark days for me. Perhaps I wasn’t thinking properly then. And being trapped in a place, I thought that was the norm and didn’t realise that was dark. Say, if you tell the lizard to hop like a frog, the lizard will end up feeling that it has failed as a lizard because hopping is the norm. Oh…and to me, I seriously thought that dark clouds were the norm…till I experienced daylight. (As if I live in UK…LOL)

Okie, polka dotted top from Bugis…cheap thrill ^_^

My dream: Merging with reality!

From Bugis

Bugis is so much like FEP. The clothes are super inexpensive. However, the quality is also pretty much of a great difference from the mainstream stores eg. Collect Point etc… Still, the youngsters of these days have aplenty of choices to select, how I envy them! ^_^

Back in my days, we had This Fashion for cheaper stuffs. It was fun shopping with a good friend of mine then. But I was already quite an independent lady at that time…I enjoyed my individual shopping trips. Perhaps I ought to be thankful for this trait of mine, that I do like the ‘lone’ times. No doubt it’s much cosier with someone by my side, but having too much of that might result in me losing my self. I couldn’t be just flicking a person away when I need lone periods, could I? So how should I go about doing that and establishing relationship with such trait?

Quite an overdose on Kdrama. LOL. All thanks to my dear friend!…I’m quite a retard with these, so the dramas I’m watching aren’t really that current. This particular Kdrama i’m watching dealt with platonic friendship, gay issues and good friendships.

Platonic. As what I mentioned in my other posts, I missed my platonic friend. I like the friendship of the opposite gender, without the pressure of forming anything more than that. I enjoyed the chats and camaraderie. It’s just so unfortunate that society thinks otherwise, and the composites of man and woman don’t allow that to really happen either. I’m just being naive.

Gay issues. Homosexuality issues. It’s a realistic topic here. Something I don’t see that’s of any problem. Does man liking man make him any less of a being? Who has not done a single wrong that allows one to sneer at others for such an inclination?

Good friendships. I am very thankful and appreciative of my friendships. During this period, friends even offer to buy groceries for me and food for me…beyond words…friends are simply so lovely!…Thank God for them!…

I still feel the pain intermittently. Well, I do have a high threshold for pain. I fell down an escalator when I was in my teens, in an attempt to catch the MRT…ended up with 3 big holes and blood dripped from the holes…an uncle saw me and asked me whether i need medical help…LOL I simply said no, I’m fine…hahaha…funny sight then. And I remembered when I went to the doctor in that later evening, the doctor had to pour powder medicine onto the 3 holes…hohoho!…and I had to do such for a month…hahaha!…Well, was I crying? I didn’t remember that, for if I did cry, my mum most prob would be the first one who fainted. I had to be strong, so that the people around me could be strong as well, hadn’t I? That’s what I used to be in the past, as a teenager…as a young adult… Well, what about now?

I really wonder, how do housewives ever cope with such mundane lifestyle and routine? I can’t stand this for long. Too stifling and I’m not even using my brain. I definitely need stimulation. This is just so……not me!

But of course, dear God always knows when I must rest. And He’ll forcefully make me do so when I ignore all earlier signs.

At the end of the day, we should know how to love ourselves so that we can love the ones around us. Have I been loving myself enough?…

My dream: quite distracted……

Expectations

What are people’s expectations of a:
-daughter?
-son?
-daughter-in-law?
-son-in-law?
-parents-in-law?
-boyfriend?
-girlfriend?
-partner?
-wife?
-husband?
……and the list can go on……
Expectations of the society, being imposed onto everyone else.

But, we do have expectations of ourselves, don’t we?

I have expectations of myself. I demand a lot from myself. But since a few years ago, I’ve grown to be less harsh on myself. That it’s alright to bump onto rocks and stones and fall. But one thing I forbid myself to do is: crouch on the ground and cry. What would this do to help any situation?

Being an optimist is quite a danger. At least I think so. For somehow with optimism, I have failed to notice others’ unhappiness and laments. With optimism, I have failed to understand that not everyone is willing to venture into the route less known.

(Sleeveless lace-translucent top from FOND)

My dream: Merging with reality!

现在,是不是太迟了?

我就是这么迟钝…
为什么我不愿相信?
现在,我正步入另一个我当初停留的阶段…我的心容不下那么多。是我不愿,还是我不能?

或许这所谓的另一个阶段是另一个世界。我发现自己是个完美主义者。但是,这世界,哪来的完美呢?其实,我也不愿意相信完美不存在。

还是别想太多了…如果再有次机遇,我应该会如韩剧里头的女主角….
^_^

My dream: Dreams with reality……

Lace and polka dots

I am feeling abit depressed now. Especially so after hearing what my friend told me…I’m just SO DENSED!…

In one way, it’s true, who will waste the effort and time to do this?…but in another way, how do we actually ascertain it? I can’t…and I tend to freak out and run away. It’s sad that I didn’t do what I’ve wanted to do…bake a box of cookies!…hmmm…well…we’ve all moved on, haven’t we?…Out of sight equates out of mind. I’ve already said my prayer. I don’t think it’s because I’m being restless. I don’t deny that much of this state is due to the influence of Kdrama…I really like some of the dramas. I need to learn from them… 🙂

I would bake that box of cookies, when I can really feel……

My dream: Strive forward!

Being bright

Orange. Yellow. Bright. They are colors that stimulate me.

Watching Kdramas serves as a reminder for me to cheer up, smile. And smile in the happy way, just like how I used to smile. In the past. Like a girl. Haha, to be ladylike?

I guess, I do need distractions. We all have some places to go to, some things to look forward, some matters to attend to…is it better to be fully occupied than having plenty of time on one’s hand? God must be preparing me. For super busy years ahead…?

Thank God for letting me encounter a very nice and experienced lady who helped me out. Sometimes, we just feel so helpless because we don’t know for sure. What we can do is to trust. However, the problem with some people these days is, they misuse trust and treat people’s trust upon them too lightly. For me, I give you the trust, free-of-charge. That’s before the trust is being betrayed. Once trust is being betrayed, most people would say, one would need to earn back the trust. I used to think so too…that trust can be earned back, despite the initial betrayal. That’s my very naive and simple way, and hence it’s a disaster recipe. I had this realisation 7 years back, that trust can never be earned back…once broken, the pieces would never be the same again.

And till now, there are still many people who treat trust as a non-issue…they don’t see the value of being trusted and entrusted. What is the value they really see to their lives?…only dollars and cents?…

Aish…my thoughts are just wondering…

Can people who have different value systems get along and be close? Most likely, no? And hence we have this saying, birds of a feather flock together…? I’m trying to understand certain things in life. What are my beliefs and value system?

It’s sad and alarming to see that there are people who see themselves as having more ‘value’ than others. To them, they perceive the rest as of lesser value, and hence when they drive/talk/make decisions, they disregard the existence of the rest, except they themselves. We can’t change their mindsets, for they’ve grown up with such. It’s been there for decades, generation after generation, genes after genes…and nobody cares enough…

Teacher told me a very good behaviour demonstrated yesterday. She said I deserved a pat on my back…Well, but no, discipline and inculcation of good moral values are a must, and it’s not to my glory, but his and His. To develop empathy is important. We need to consider others as well. This world is not me myself my own.

I am not always right. There are times when I am wrong. I am…a human after all.

My dream: Just keep praying!

GAP and Dip Drops

I like such a combination…very girly 🙂 maybe I don’t behave much like a girl, hence I like to wear girly clothes so that I can feel more like a girl. Hahaha….

What’s a girl? How do you define her? By her ability to do things such as household chores, performance at bed, discipline of kids, submissive to elders. Are these what people define the roles of a girl, a lady, a woman?

Hmmm……yes, for the man I love, I am willing to do all these and more. I am serious. Only problem is I don’t even know whether I’ve really met one that I really really love. More often than not, with a run against time, women tend to settle down faster…I do know of people who settle down faster because they know who they love and what they want. I admire them, and I hope that I can learn from them. However, I am not a very down-to-earth kind of person in reality, which makes things more difficult and worse for me. I’m in a dilemma. I don’t even know whether I am standing at a crossroad. With regard to matters unrelated to emotions, I have little difficulty handling them. However, with matters of the heart, I tend to turn fluffy and dreamy and stupid. LOL. Because I know I am like that, I often will just push such affairs away. I don’t want to deal with them. These are too scary for me, as even I myself need to understand myself.

Now I understand why my friend for the longest time I’ve known, wants nice visual inspiration. LOL. Well, the person who understood me the best when I was younger, was being regarded as the nicest inspiration for many of my friends back then. To me, well, that wasn’t the kind I like. Then came along MRT…who blew me away…with his looks and exclusive help. ちょろまって, does it mean that?!…It’s amazing that I only realised about things when I wrote my thoughts down…sigh!…Anyway, now, I just have to make sure that I stay in focus for a few years…then thereafter, I’ll be free to do what my heart wants me to…(I must be in good health.)

Lord, do you hear my prayers?…

My dream: thinking of the impossible…to possible!

My favourite pants: Zara

I love how this pair of pants looks on me. And I think I seldom have such nice pants. Now?…I am not really in the right state to wear nice stuffs. Maybe I’m still in a state of shock. Maybe I am afraid. Of pain. Despite the pain becoming bearable as each day passed by, I can’t figure out whether that’s due to my body being numbed to the pain or really the pain has indeed lessened. I still have this fear daily, as I go to have my wound being cleansed and disinfected properly. The pain is still there. And the sight is still gross.

So mesmerised. I really think I’m either a late-bloomer or 慢半拍. Most likely, I’m both. Maybe that’s why I would feel stifled every now and then. And I really think that there are too many things I want to do…and have not done!..! Those that I have done, I feel that I have not had my fill yet. Ah!…!

I still feel so disabled in a way. Maybe, it’s not that apparent. I usually choose to be my quiet self.

Haiz, I can’t seem to keep that drama off my mind!…Hahaha.

My dream: Merging with reality!