For the frilly stuff

Grey Jacket and Frilly Blouse in Blue. Where’s my inspiration?… Hahaha. It’s so easy to sink into the routine, just don the same week after week, no need to think so much, just set yourself to autopilot mode. Such an easy feat.

I can’t. I can’t be in autopilot mode. I’m one with feelings. Strangely, some people really think I’m one without much. Why would they thought that of me? I don’t know. Maybe, reality is best seen in the eyes of the mind they live in. Some people just want so badly to believe in what they hope to see/hear that they have missed out on the truth…… It’s easy to just say, good good well-done great…without meaning it. Without feelings. For me, I can’t. Because I’m one with feelings. Strong feelings towards things and people. I believe that effort must be made. And I like putting in effort. I like the process. I don’t respect those who don’t put in effort and yet expect everything to be in place. What’s deserving? I think, that’s just plain lazy.

I try my best to water the plant. Seeing the roses bloom I feel happy. Seeing them wither I think that’s the fact of life. But I can’t just be looking at them and expecting them to grow without watering and sunning them right?…To my horror, some people actually thought they would…

Perhaps that person is me. Lol.

I realise, that I still have several items I can add on. But I’m not going to add them so fast in a haste. I still want the bookshelf I like so much. I’m fine with waiting. Just for the stuff I like. I’m in no hurry. Just make sure we’re at the right place 🙂

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为爱痴狂

这首歌是在嘲笑男人还是在诉说女人对男人的痴狂呢?

我也有想过。我不是一个没有情感的人。只是…让我心动的人…我只能说…但愿 我们来生再次重逢,再次相遇,但愿那时的我们,没有任何牵挂。今生的我有太多 我该维护的人。我不可能放下一切,抛开所有…不是我不敢,而是我太重责任了。 我曾想过,如果我没有这责任的牵挂,我还会在这儿吗?不会。我知道我是个为爱 痴狂的人。我不是一个拖泥带水的人。但是,若我愿意牺牲,我是毫无怨言的。因 为,我很清楚,快乐是一种选择。要是我俩到时毫无牵挂,那会是上帝的安排。

我很清楚,近几年我该达成的是什么。我很庆幸,朋友对我的关怀。 我会相逢恨晚吗?但是,我不活在过去。我遇见了…

A shopper’s non-shopping mode

I haven’t been shopping since July. Quite a feat yeah? I foresee more of such days. There are simply too many things I have to do, want to do and would be doing. I can’t think of anything else, to occupy my time with silly whims and fancies of the heart? Quite amazed that I am indeed like a wood…Perhaps i’m more so because my heart is not here. But I would persevere, to achieve what I have set for my life, myself. It’s a long walk, isn’t it? By the time I eventually reach the place…hopefully by that time, he would also be there soon enough. It’s tiring. I have enough of this unhealthy lifestyle. Yes, this year my lifestyle is so much better, and hahahaha, I’ve grown to be fatter! (Tho my friends might disagree.)

Mar11 has changed some dynamics of relationships among the Japanese. This is something I’ve learnt too, and I used to hold such lessons close to my heart…basically I find arguments and nitpicking too petty and silly for life. Life is not about arguing for the sake of producing some noises, not about gaining things to satisfy your desires, not about being ungrateful for what God has given you…Life embraces life, the joy of giving, loving, caring and sharing. Are these very big words? Do they sound too far-fetched?

No. Frankly, I don’t think so at all.

Just like Captain America and the Red Skull. What matters is actually…a good heart…

The man who is deemed as a good man in my heart will forever be the one who is good. Nothing can change. It’s the heart I look out for, not looks, not academics…(of coz money would definitely be a great bonus!)

Well, good heart and that one good man 🙂

Fun year

For the first half of this year, I’ve had plenty of fun. My days were almost gainfully occupied with activities. I like to play hard. Especially when I start to get bored. Yes, i actually have plenty of energy, left intact due to me wanting to conserve energy. I’m quite restless when I’m bored. But of coz, these days I have too many things on my plate. I like the sambal liver very much. I like the simple watercress soup. I like the stirfry beef and salmon in the way I like…it’s not a chore for me to cook at all. Totally not. Because I’ve saved my best for the well-deserved ones. The only thing I’m still scared of is deep-frying…I better go and get the right pot for it, shouldn’t I?

I’ve to rotate my activities with the weeks. Little sister reminds me of gym. Yeah, gym! I’m gonna hit the gym soon! No, no, not for slimming, but more for toning…oh well, maybe for slimming, as I’ve been eating cakes and more cakes LOL

There are simply too many things to work on. I just feel sad that we don’t have more than 24 hours in a day! I love to sleep, but I love my activities as well! I simply don’t understand why some people just don’t get a life. Don’t they have friends? Don’t they have things they really enjoy and excel in? Don’t they find that life is still as beautiful as the sun and sea we have here?

………managed to catch 3/4 of a Japanese titled DVD. Set me thinking alot. Does anyone understand?…I still have things I want to do, within these few years. Once the deadline is set, I hope I’m ready………Sometimes I don’t even have any inkling…just play by ear, as where God leads…???…

🙂 on a much cheery and down to earth note, I’ll be having my Japanese curry this Sunday, along with the sort of hamburger meal I’ve eaten in Sapporo. I love to eat…and yeah, I’m so happy Midautumn Festival is soon here! 😀 Mooncakes!!! Next yr, I shall be more adventurous 🙂

Jacket and dress

I’ve been spending time thinking. Since last week. Perspectives have evolved…gradually…I’m neither power nor money hungry. I don’t want a life pursuing endless chains of wants, wants and more wants. All these are just products of greed. My dear sister has been ahead of me in terms of spreading goodness to people whom she doesn’t even know…I want to volunteer too…I don’t want a life, pursuing things and meaningless stuffs. I don’t care what this society wants and thinks of such, I’m simply not interested. I just want to make a good difference to the lives of people, seeing their smiles should be uplifting enough….What’s deemed as successful in the eyes of many people in this world, aren’t in my dictionary. I find many pursuits meaningless. I know I have the capacity to love and share. I need to learn more about giving. I don’t want to be one of the masses here amassing wealth and just more wealth. At the end of the day, don’t you find yourself, just so empty in heart?…I don’t want to be like that.

I do fall. When I’m stressed, it’s so much easier to just cave in, and have an easier life. But why should I??? I’ve never liked to be in the norm. I don’t want a life pursuing riches meaninglessly. Am I having a crazy idea over here??? After finishing up all my studies, would i be able to fulfil this final dream of living in nature?…

Why NOT? I know God asked this of me…am I hearing correctly?

Blue-green combi dress from MNG

These days have been hectic. Extremely hectic. I need plenty of energy to move forward, to do the stuffs I want so much to do within some limited time. Alas, we only have 24 hours a day, and we just can’t go about tai-tai-ing the whole time. Every weekend is a rush. Every weekend is so precious! Every weekend…if only weekends start from Friday!…

I wonder, will youthful looks last forever?…Now, I still receive comments that I look like I’m still in my late 20s. I wonder, how do we accept ageing gracefully? I looked at the elderly, both local and foreign, their lovely smiles beyond their wrinkles…will I be able to smile like them? Why have I become so superficial? Isn’t it more vital to be healthy than pretty?…

I don’t want a complicated life. I want a simple life. I don’t like to compare and compete. I just want to pursue the best I can be. I also want to do my phD. I love to study. And I know, i’ll just finish everything within the time period that I’ve set for myself. As long as I’m focused enough and not distracted this time round. It’s not for fame and riches. It’s for the love of studying I’ve had since I was young. The pursuit of knowledge. My hunger is different. My cries are different. My love is different. But I believe, my sisters understand.

I set high standards for myself.now. In the past, the sights were too low for me. It’s definitely quite disastrous to be distracted. :X

Blue-green combi dress from MNG

These days have been hectic. Extremely hectic. I need plenty of energy to move forward, to do the stuffs I want so much to do within some limited time. Alas, we only have 24 hours a day, and we just can’t go about tai-tai-ing the whole time. Every weekend is a rush. Every weekend is so precious! Every weekend…if only weekends start from Friday!…

I wonder, will youthful looks last forever?…Now, I still receive comments that I look like I’m still in my late 20s. I wonder, how do we accept ageing gracefully? I looked at the elderly, both local and foreign, their lovely smiles beyond their wrinkles…will I be able to smile like them? Why have I become so superficial? Isn’t it more vital to be healthy than pretty?…

I don’t want a complicated life. I want a simple life. I don’t like to compare and compete. I just want to pursue the best I can be. I also want to do my phD. I love to study. And I know, i’ll just finish everything within the time period that I’ve set for myself. As long as I’m focused enough and not distracted this time round. It’s not for fame and riches. It’s for the love of studying I’ve had since I was young. The pursuit of knowledge. My hunger is different. My cries are different. My love is different. But I believe, my sisters understand.

I set high standards for myself.now. In the past, the sights were too low for me. It’s definitely quite disastrous to be distracted. :X

Lacey Peach dress from Apica

Very Japanese style. But sometimes, it’s just too kawaii that I fear I’m not doing justice to the piece. Somehow I believe that I’ve grown fatter this year. It’s good news for me, coz I’ve been wanting to put on some amount of weight. And haha, these days I’ve been enjoying pretty much cakes and desserts…well, I love good food 🙂 and good company as well 🙂 I look forward to times I get to see my friends and loved ones.

I’ve been quite half-hearted towards a certain prayer. I’ve no inhibitions towards my interests and desires towards stuffs, but when it comes to human relationships, things get a bit complicated. But why am I so half-hearted about this? Because I’m very unwilling to let go of my time? Because I can’t share my time? Because I need plenty of personal space?

To me, these are very valid reasons and considerations. The minute I think about being stifled in a relationship, I can’t help but freeze. I don’t want such feelings. To me, it’s the same. How different can it be? Okie, I’m the oddball. I just enjoy my own time and I like to take my own sweet time enjoying my own time. Lol.

I think weekends fly like crazy. This is madness, I haven’t fully enjoyed my weekend and yet it’s gone! 😦 Weeks after weeks, it’s the same. Why can’t weekends start from Fri? I have so many stuffs to do and I badly need my me-time. Lol……

Almost ALL new!

Grey jacket from Apica Blue ruffles top from a budget shop in Spore Light cream skirt from Iora

I don’t know what to say. Is God looking after me? I see that He does. But…I feel quite down with the most recent incident. Soon I’ll lost track and be so numb to this.

Maybe most prob, I’m just not suitable to be staying here.