It’s just a joke

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Tried the food in this restaurant during its insanely and unearthly time of the day. While I didn’t consider the meal fantastic, I would say it wasn’t bad after all. I would dine there once again, if opportunity presents itself.

It’s just a joke. Do you get it?
That’s what I think so. And of course, with that, I have an altered mindset. There’s nothing much to be too serious about. While I look serious, sound serious, I’m in fact…not so. Looks are deceiving. Do you get it?

Of course, I can choose to laugh and joke all day long, if I want. If I choose. Laughter is good, for health. But are jokes indeed good for the health? I don’t know. And I have no wish to deceive myself. I usually don’t get jokes well. But I do dark jokes very well. I guess, my sense of humor is dark. Yeah, dark theme. And now, Halloween is here, just nice for the theme, right?

I believe, most of the time, it’s the human pride that disallows one from being truthful to oneself. Note this, it’s being truthful to oneself, thyself, thy ownself. Not to others — for I believe that a large number of people are indeed not being truthful to others, but that’s not the point I am making here today. How many people will readily admit to his or her ownself, that yeah, I have failed in this area, I am weak in this area, I need help in this area, I am unable to do this and that…? I will say…most likely 90% will not readily admit these. But that doesn’t mean the 90% will not admit it thereafter. For most people, we keep trying and trying. Most of the times, we tried at least once. Thereafter we tried twice. Then thrice…Then so on and so forth. Before we realise it, we are at the bottom of the pit, going towards nowhere – unable to get out and unable to further our path.

So what’s my point? I don’t like such feeling. I don’t like to keep trying and trying, and losing my sense of self. Or perhaps I am more materialistic. When I lost my sense of self, how would I be able to contribute effectively in the realistic sense? I don’t like to lose my sense of self regardless of the environments I am in. But I believe, it’s very crucial for us to determine the point at which we stop trying, and get real.

Is it because of a human pride, or because of a human love, that causes one to keep trying and trying…till the verge of collapsing, and despite all things pointed out that there’s hardly any positive vibe you can encounter? I don’t know. I have always and most often been a bystander…I don’t like anything negative. And not just don’t like, I don’t want anything negative.

I don’t think it’s healthy to have a lifestyle like that. Dealing with lies, excuses and then be covered with false hopes and such. Maybe this is an effective way of tying a person down, but then, this certainly doesn’t work for me. Unless it’s done in my favour, dealing for my best interests. Else, a negative environment will only lead me to realise, that yes indeed, everything is just a joke. And for that, I also let the situations become a joke.

Some people understand, thus they play as according to the rules. Some push for extension of boundaries…If things are a joke, are there any rules? Will there be boundaries drawn? Wondering…For i have aplenty to discover and learn. It’s amazing how at times you happened to bump onto certain people, and this one such person needs you…at that particular moment. Most often, I walk along the streets…and well, I really bumped onto people (not strangers) and they shared with me…much of their stressful moments.

A friend told me, that I’m very suitable to be a counsellor. I heard this a number of times. But up till now, I seriously don’t think so. Or perhaps, I was being told by someone who said I was cold…and thus I didn’t think I was ever suitable to be a counsellor?

But well, I have never thought of being a counsellor. Social worker, yes. DJ, yes! … A very much forgotten ambition I used to have. And which I didn’t share with many people…

Because I have so many varied ambitions in the past, I seriously don’t think that one has to be a manager or sorts in order to be known as successful in life’s career choices. I think…being a hairstylist/artist/theatrical performer is successful as well. So long as it’s our passion, and we love what we are doing.

Always find the meaning of your true love. That’s what I tell myself. For where there’s no meaning to it, there’s no love. With no love, no hope.

Others may deem it as a joke. But they aren’t living in my life.

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I think, therefore I am

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Gardens of nature.
Pretty flowers.
Gift of hope.

A swing by the side.
Lovely cushions.
Great comfort.

I can’t describe better. The fact that I feel so comfortable in my dwelling place. It’s indeed a blessing. That my friend was the one who led me to God when we were still so young. Ironically I didn’t attend his church.

My dwelling place. And exactly as what I have prayed for. And best? The agent told me he didn’t want any commission from me. How good is this? I definitely didn’t believe my ears when he said that. And thus I asked him whether he was sure. Oh, hahaha. I gathered, that’s because it’s the house that God has prepared for me.

Sometimes, this may be what I want, for I pray about the item/matter at that moment in time. However, I do ask myself, some time down the road, would I feel the same again? Will my feelings change? Will my perspective change? I long to see myself as being one who is steadfast. But in this world where we are separated by oceans and seas, why wouldn’t we be as fluid as water? And bearing in mind, a large proportion of our body contains water too…

I don’t like to torment myself by having a flip-flop in my decisions. I am swift and decisive. And once I make up my mind, I don’t think I will waste any more time. The problem now is, reaching the stage where I am already decided. I know that, be it whatever matters, I just go head on…just to reach my goals. My objectives. Hmm…so now I ask myself: What’s my objective? What’s my goal?

I couldn’t be bothered with many things in life that takes me away from my focus. So, what’s my focus? Have I shifted?

Right now, I have the energy to think about some serious questions. But yet, I just want to spend some time, to just think about nothing. I know…it’s like…finally.

I am of this mindset: I think, therefore I am. So what do I want to be? Who is my role model? What decisions should I make? I have to think…

Oh…I better get back to my learning…

😌 … Thinking.