Sesame Street Song and Oceanarium

I’d like to travel under the sea
I could meet all the fish everywhere
Yes, I’d travel under the sea
But I don’t think I’d like to live there

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I’ve always liked my visits to aquariums and such. In fact, I do wish that I can spend the entire day there, without the nagging thought of having to return to a place at a certain time. For Oceanarium, as usual, I’ll be staring longingly at the stingrays, and fantasising about barbecuing them. As for the rest of the salt water fish, I’ll be thinking about steaming, frying and sorts. What about the marine fish such as Clown Fish?…okie, for that, I don’t eat corals and reefs and marine fishes. I admire their colorful features and wish I can swim in their midst…!

Looks like the trip to Oceanarium only serves to increase my appetite for the seafood. Hahaha…

Well, I’ve always made it a point to include fish in my weekly menu. Salmon, threadfin, snapper, etc. Fish is brain food, and it’s healthier. Pork is fine, and I simply love stirfry sambal liver! But that’s a tad too heaty for me, hence I don’t consume it frequently. Of course, there are others such as chicken wings and drumlets. But I don’t really enjoy fried stuffs, so most of the time, we have a much healthier version. All in all, I love the kitchen and to me, the kitchen provides me the outlet to unleash my creativity. At the end of the meal, I feel happier, because I am eating the dishes I cook. What about washing up? Thank goodness, I actually love washing up as well, because as I scrub and wash, I find myself releasing my day of tension(if ever).

At times, I do feel a bit bad…I don’t know whether my presence actually makes anyone feel the stress…am I a person in conflicting states? To some, I am hardworking, but I am aloof. To others, I am aloof, but I am hardworking. And with the wrong perception, and conflicting states, I think maybe that’s when people feel stressful with me. Not all. It’s only those who do not know me well.

Now, I am moving towards an understanding of why I tend to put my stand across in an expository manner, and that I tend to distance myself. It’s definitely not because I don’t have EQ, wahahaha! But my sis keeps saying I have low EQ…LOL

Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)

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Strange sensation

I wouldn’t say this is the first time I have such a sensation. It’s strange, and I don’t know whether it is due to my body producing too much heat. Whatever that is, it definitely is not the first encounter. And I’ve always sought Jesus’ help in this. Strange sensation? Yup. Very strange. It’s akin to what I used to experience when I was in secondary school, all the way to Uni1. Maybe my bones are weaker, and producing too much heat doesn’t help in my situation. I don’t know. But I do know, I am falling sick very soon. I’ve tried to fend it off, but now that it’s been almost a month, I think, it’s most likely that by caring for a few people at the same time, this will add on to my exhaustion level. My body is weak, but my mental state is very strong. That’s the sole reason why I feel the heat of my body. I tend to forget about my own health when I care for others. In a way, this strange sensation could be a way of reminding me to take care of myself as well.

Sometimes I do wonder, whether it’s really me who just seem to be so out of touch with things in life. Maybe I hardly compare…and when people remind me and point out facts to me, I usually will be in surprise. I don’t usually take notice of whether one is happy with me or not happy with me. Because my default is: why shouldn’t you be happy with me?…and so, I don’t consider whatever other thoughts people might have developed of me in the process. Maybe I come across as someone who’s very confident (to the point of irritating to someone) and doesn’t seem to need anyone for guidance. In reality, I do need guidance. I may have my own point of views, and while I may have put my POVs strongly across, that doesn’t mean I don’t consider others’ POVs.

At times, I get so frustrated that I decide to just shut my mouth. What’s the point of bringing my point across when others may not have confidence even in their own POVs? It only makes them feel more threatened. This isn’t the first encounter with people who are such. I keep quiet for the longest period of my life, because I don’t want people to feel threatened of my POVs being put across so confidently. But that in the process resulted in me not demonstrating the care outwardly.

I am thankful that my sis knows I CARE a lot, despite my hard and cold outlook. I think, you’ll only know more and deeply about the person provided you are as self-assured and confident as the other party. And apart from my sis, I am glad that I also have others who trust in my care as well.

Indeed, it’s hard to care for the party when one doubts your good intentions. That’s so painful in life. I don’t know how to doubt people’s intentions. Unless it’s darn obvious and reflected in the person’s eyes, by default, shouldn’t we trust???… Maybe I am spouting nonsense here. I’m talking from the viewpoint of one who simply trusts until strange happenings occur, whereas there are many of the viewpoint that no one is to be trusted…including those who pledge the stars for you.

It’s pointless to keep on proving yourself that you are to be trusted, if right from Day One, the other party has already doubted you in a certain way. I dislike it when people question me in this way, eg. Why do you say this? Where did you get the sample? etc. Basically, when I say and share things with you, I have nothing on my mind, except to CARE. So the surest way to stop me from caring is to ask me questions in such ways. My default mode is CARE. My defensive mode is INDIFFERENT. And usually, once my defensive mode is on, there is no return. Because I do not know how to turn off my defensive mode. Maybe, that’s my lucky part. If I know how to turn that off, I’ll be exploited without my knowledge.

Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)

A keeper of dresses

I love dresses. And this is the first time I’m wearing this dress that I bought almost a year ago in Stradivarius. It’s long-sleeved, and I manage to roll up the sleeves to make it look more casual and less of a drag. I like the design and her pleats, though I wouldn’t say I like 100% of her material. And last of all, I think the price was steep for this dress. And most likely due to that, I haven’t been purchasing any new dress for the longest period.

More often than not, I consider and think too much. But, in the midst of my hectic schedule, what do I really want? I would love to keep on pursuing my dreams. But, why am I really doing that?… I am sure, that I do not have just one or two dreams. I have several, so how do I determine which are the ones to concentrate or give the higher priority to?

I wish I can answer my questions now. Perhaps when I look at my sisters, I wish that I’m so much younger and still have room to pursue my hearts’ desires. Now?…

I think and consider too much…wouldn’t anyone be impatient with me?

Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)

Rugged style: I am no princess

I like rugged style. Maybe I have a conflicting personality.

The heart says it all, doesn’t it? And we still wonder why some people can sleep at night…are they really in peace with themselves? Just cannot imagine the type of thoughts and words that went through their brains each day. Do we need to stimulate our brains that much to plot, scheme and trick? *shrugs* If only they transfer their energy to doing positive stuffs, many great things might be accomplished. Well, it’s their choice. They choose the wayward route, they choose to taint their hearts with evil emotions, they choose to live it that way.

A recent incident made me realise how fierce I must have been when I am pissed. To use the word ‘pissed’, I am indeed like a fiery dragon. Perhaps that’s why I saw the two male tourists scurrying away the moment I flared. Interestingly, I admire the PRCs, who are so clever in asserting themselves be it whether they are right or wrong. I admire the PRCs for being adamant about the points they want to bring across and that they are insistent about what they want. Indeed, in life, if we don’t insist, forever we’ll remain a doormat. I’ve been a doormat earlier on, and that was basically out of my kindness.

Perhaps, I still have quite a number of things to learn from the PRCs. Learn to be strong like them.

Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)

光阴如箭

Don’t you think that speed that time travels at is akin to the speed of rocket?!…and soon it’ll be June…and December!…YEAH YeAH! 😀 😀 😀

Despite the hiccups in life, I am so glad that I am surrounded with happy and simple people. Not that they are simplistic in their brains, but more of the fact that they have a simple and straightforward outlook towards their life. I think, simple people are happy people. Why? We are happy on every Friday and the weekends!…and out of the week, maybe there are 4 days that we don’t feel as happy as the other 3 days…but even so, we don’t feel unhappy for every moment in those 4 days. Hence, in comparison, there’s still a higher percentage of happy feelings present in a week. LOL

Maybe I am selfish. But I really don’t want to surround myself with unhappy people. Not that they walk around with a glum face and sort. But it’s the mindset that I cannot relate to. People can be unhappy, despite wearing a smile on their face. So I’m rather sensitive to a person’s speech, tone and the words used. And all these have to be in consistence. Once it’s not in consistence, I know…something is amiss. It depends on the relationship I have with the person as I decide whether I should help or not. I mean, some people just like to ‘act up’ once in a while…eg. the drama-mama/drama-papa and the emo-being. If I know the person is just dramatising it, I’ll just leave the person alone. Why would I react and propagate his action? There are some others who bottle things up. Well, if they are close enough to me, I’ll put aside my things and listen to them…because time is very precious to me, I reserve my time only for precious people. However, there are some who simply choose to bottle things up…to the point of explosion and I’m still unaware of it…(I really don’t know whether to cry or laugh in the end!) I am a very straightforward person. If you aren’t happy, just tell me, don’t beat about the bush, play hard to catch etc. I can’t catch it, and won’t catch it either, because that’s a total waste of my time.

My patience does run low. Comparatively, I do have more energy but my energy is being reserved for certain people and certain tasks. Since my resource is limited, please don’t expect me to spend such a long time waiting for you to beat about the bush before getting to the point. Oh for goodness sake, just get straight to the point, get it over and done with. What’s so wrong?!…sigh.

Am I often reactive? I just find it funny and strange of people’s perception of me. When I don’t react much, I get comments such as I’m very cold, behave like a computer etc. When I react, I get comments such as take a chill pill, get on with your life, don’t brood etc. You see, if I get on with my life and don’t meddle, people will still say that I am cold. If I don’t brood and focus on the solutions to a problem, people will still say that I’m very systematic like a computer. Whatever it is, it’s hard to please both kinds, duh!

So, end of the day, do I care what others think?

Heck care…hahaha… A term I learnt from people 😀

Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)

What I long/want to do

Play music.
Make my music compositions.
Paint like Monet, Van Gogh and Picasso. I don’t think I can paint like Leonardo da Vinci and Dali.
Sew new clothes. A dress for my sister.
Cook more varieties of food for my parents. Especially the dishes they love.

加油,朝着我的梦想走!

And I see…the mindset of people.

Isn’t it alarming to see that people fend only for themselves? I don’t know, perhaps I’ve never been with this world, hence it definitely freaks me out to see that there’re indeed a vast majority of people with such a mindset. Yes, call me an idealistic creature, I am, for I still hold on to the hope that mankind can walk towards the light, and not into the darkness. Just that now, it certainly sets an alarm, that it’s such a harsh reality, that many people are just concerned with what’s right in front of them at the moment and what’s the easiest for them at the moment. Basically, it’s a matter of convenience. And when you delve deeper, you shall uncover deeper meanings to it…

A matter of convenience. So marriage is a matter of convenience? Just because a man and a woman happen to be ex-classmates and stay in the same area, hence they get together and go ahead with the marriage…just a matter of convenience? So the tasks that we do are a matter of convenience? Just because it requires more effort from me, hence I choose not to do it because by doing that, it inconveniences me? So we end up not going to a further place ahead, as we need to use up plenty of petrol and petrol is expensive, so we go to somewhere nearer or remain at our original location, just because it’s a matter of convenience?

I don’t want to make a decision or do certain things just because it is a matter of convenience to me. I am not exactly the most hardworking lad around. I definitely do feel tired out and I have plenty of things and people to be concerned with. So why don’t I choose things and make my decision out of convenience?

Well, I would say, and would like to say, my heart prohibits me from doing things out of convenience. My heart is the one who whispers to me this:
你要对得起你自己的良心啊!

And with that constant whispers of reminder, how would I ever be able to get my decision based on a matter of convenience?

If I really do that, I know, 我的良心被狗吃了 哈哈哈!

Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)

Irreconcilable differences

Read some gossip news for entertainment — Joanne Peh is no longer with that Bobby guy. And the guys’ comments in forum were hilarious. Ok, bimbo time of the day, rest and relax mah…keekeekee…

A vast difference I can see it.
Maybe it wasn’t spoken in exactly the same context, and it didn’t indicate the exact meaning, I totally comprehend Joanne’s statement of life goals and communication. While Joanne’s life goals and communication may be different from mine, it doesn’t stop us from wondering and realising that such a great difference indeed doesn’t contribute to the growth and maturity of a relationship. I cannot converge downwards at all. While I do understand from the other’s point of view, the strangest thing I discover is the process of thought. The ability to reason and analyse logically. It scares me a lot to even think of the deficiency here, that the train of thoughts is highly being obstructed by a defective brain and an evil heart.

I guess, you only understand what intelligence means when you do mix around with and talk to people with high intelligence. Stimulating conversations are a norm. Thought-provoking conversations are a norm. Reflective-based conversations are a norm. Having said that, it doesn’t mean that people with seemingly lower intelligence cannot handle such a variety of conversations. Oh well, they do have stimulating conversations:
Going for a massage session cost so much in the long run. How can we obtain better service on top of the massage session? If we are setting up our own business, how do we make sure that we have low operating costs while getting as high a profit as we can?…(responses: centre needs to provide extra services to attract patrons; employ cheaper labour from somewhere…) Basically, the responses provided are low-level stimulation.

Oh well, I think my brain stops functioning properly because we are told not to think (ironically, we ought to be innovative!)

Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)

I really love……GREEN!

Queer person I am. I love green, all shades of green, including muddy green!…so does that mean I’m a person who is easily jealous of others? Haha, on the contrary, I just cannot be bothered. Never been much of a competitive person, hence I don’t know how to compete, and what’s the thrill behind the competition. Oh well, say I am dense, that’s fine. Why must I compete? In the first place, do I envy anyone???…

I think, my eyes are too fixated on my own goals, that I don’t shift my eyes elsewhere. Likewise for my heart, once I like someone/something, I really like it wholeheartedly and my heart will go beating fast…hahaha, fluttering!

To know the truth, one cannot assume. To find the truth, one cannot assume.
I just don’t understand why people like to assume. By having assumptions, we are viewing things from a tilted angle. So how proper will the view be?…just like some people who like to view this world with their tinted lenses. Hullo, wake up, open your eyes and look around you! Don’t blindly follow, don’t blindly accept.

There are days when I really want to say these words ‘I love you’ to all my dear ones…for giving me moments to be myself and allowing me space to grow. Being a frank person, I do not know how to beat around the bush. Okay, I’ve been trying, so now at least it seems more polished rather than being right to the point. I don’t know how long it takes for me to reach the actual stage, but at least I don’t feel the stress in the process of attainment. I am not doing it to please anyone, and that makes things even nicer. I like this growing process, and understand that I can be in this way without being judged.

My tone may not sound nice, but what I have is my heart. I can adjust my tone just to make it sound pleasing to one, but that betrays my heart. And I will never do anything to betray my heart. Likewise I will never converge downwards and affecting my brain development.

Well, well…

Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)