Drama land

People change…and somehow become much too different from their original self…and there is no way to turn back the clock.

I fully understand this scenario. But is that a joy or sorrow? Change…isn’t it always for the better? Change…isn’t it part of growing up? Change…doesn’t that help us to glow?

Drama land. Does drama exist only in the big and small screens? Do we see it happening in our daily lives?

I read that there’s an island off Northern Ireland. A tiny piece of Island. I believe it can inhibit just one person. Or maybe two, four, six…depends on your level of tolerance. Sounds nice?

Somehow the night seems so attractive, and I’ll be lost in my own thoughts if I am not asleep.

Sleep is a must. Have I changed?
Eating is my enjoyment. Have I changed?
Be in my thoughts…my winter light.

努力过自己想过的生活 😊🌈❄️☀️⛄️⭐️🌻🐒🐰🍵😊

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Buildings and Walls

When I was young, I loved to sit in the car, peering through the windows, trying my best to look at the architecture around me. Especially the houses that people lived in. And I wondered about their lives…

Well, that’s when I was way so much younger than now. I still like architecture of various buildings, I’m still fascinated with the Concourse, Seagate, Esplanade. I remembered watching the construction of the shorter tower of UOB Plaza. Oh, why didn’t I end up as an architect?…0_0

I love designing. Houses, furniture, clothes, necklaces, bracelets. Why did I give up on my love? I love art so much. Up till now, even my parents still remember my talent in this area. It’s really unfortunate that I give it up for the sake of being practical. Have I done the right thing?

I always opt for the practical reasons. Though I’ve been using my heart more these days, the realistic side of me has never left me. It’s a bit of struggle having to deal with these extremes. How do I maintain my sanity?

Sometimes, I feel like breaking out of these walls. I need space. Plenty of space. I crave for creativity, I need avenues for that. Really, I just can’t imagine, but yet I can imagine, that somehow this is the way as it goes…oh well, do I have to accept it?

It’s kinda depressing if I keep asking myself questions that I can’t answer. Or maybe I just don’t want to answer, because that will mean aplenty of changes. And changes make one uncomfortable. I might as well take the travellator, go along with it…it’s not worth my time to think so much. Really?…Time?…

I think, I really have a lot of patience. I’ve been kept waiting many times, as directed by God. And each time, I wandered, I fidgeted, I lamented, I cried…You see, I am not a patient person by nature. And to be patient is a torture for me. Of course, I have evolved much. Very much. But that doesn’t mean that I can be in ZEN mode. Sigh.

I don’t know whether it’s good that time flies. Every weekend went away so fast. I can’t even grab hold of a second. To me, this is scary. What has happened to all the time that flew by??? 😮😮😮 i don’t want to be regretful of the times that I have. Hence even if I may find it tough, I still brave it on, and finding cheers from it. And of course, praying hard.

There may be some who also share similar sentiments as I do. We don’t want to waste time, yet there are too many stuffs for us to accomplish. We cherish all moments, and want to spend as much time as we can with people whom we love and care for. I want to remember the joys, the anticipations, the thrills, the sharing, laughter, the discoveries…there are really so much!…but how much can I contain in my memory? It certainly struck me badly when I discovered recently I couldn’t recall a photograph I had taken…😔absolutely no memory of it. And it was a sad discovery for me. For that photograph was meant to be precious. And yet I have no memory of it. How bad it must have been for me, without my realisation……? 😱

At the end of the day, buildings can be demolished, walls can be knocked down. What we can see, is a vast piece of land. To be open in our feelings, and not to keep stifling our thoughts.

努力过自己想过的生活 😊🌈❄️☀️⛄️⭐️🌻🐒🐰🍵😊

At the end of the day

Love the smell of the morning breeze.
The melodious chirping of the birds.
The warmth of the morning sun.
How I wish I have a whole day to relax!

When I eventually have the time, would I really be doing what I want? Sometimes we chase after things blindly. Maybe for a sense of achievement, a moment of emotions, or simply, in order not to lose out. At the end of the day, are we doing what we want? Or on the contrary, are we doing what others want of us?…

It’s hard to know the true emotions of people. We change at each phase of our life. But how different will our changes be? Are we moving away from our true self, or are we evolving towards our true self?

During the Midautumn festive season, it’s indeed a warm feeling to be with our loved ones, sipping tea, eating mooncakes and admiring the moon…somehow, such togetherness and conversations bring peace and calmness to the soul.

努力过自己想过的生活 😊🌈❄️☀️⛄️⭐️🌻🐒🐰🍵😊

Process of Ageing

Ageing. I am.

Last year, I experienced a shocking amount of white strands appearing on my head. I knew, I was under tremendous stress.

The last time I saw an emergence of some white strands was five years ago. For that, I only saw 2 or 3 strands.

Hair is our crown of glory. Isn’t that so?…I feel so sad…But I can’t stop the process of ageing. Or perhaps I am experiencing stress?

I believe, we all have a certain amount of stress in our lives. It’s hard to put away things, especially if that concerns you. Or perhaps I keep planning, think and rethink my plans, and hence I end up having stress?

Sometimes I wish I don’t let my thousands of thoughts wander. How nice it will be if I have about hundreds going on at the same time, and not to this extent. I see myself frowning at certain times, and seriously, this is unhealthy. Have I really been keeping my cool all along and I frown because I feel stifled?

I know, there are many unpleasantness around us. But can we concentrate on the pleasant ones and not on the unpleasant stuffs that make us upset? It’s hard. Because we all have a certain set of expectations and when things don’t go the way we anticipate, that can be really upsetting. Or to the point of devastation.

I ask myself, have I been to this point yet? Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t. I really cannot recall much. Hence I write. I was doing my photobook yesterday, and was shocked to find some photographs that I completely have no memory of. It was a photograph within a photograph (PIP). I totally can’t recall when we ever took THAT photograph. Together.

Does that photograph depict a bad memory? I don’t understand, it is a photograph depicting a happy moment. Why couldn’t I recall???…arghhh…and now I just realised I couldn’t recall where I last placed my Rabbit bag…and the last I had it with me was on Monday…oh well, this is BAD……..😧😧😧

Now, I don’t like this part of me. Memory is a very important part of me. Maybe I should go for a retreat. Go to the seaside, take a breather, just listen to the waves. I know I should. Because I can feel my soul longing for this encounter. Only worry I have is I tend to fall sick after going to the seaside.

Am I getting more emotions these days?…or am I just being emotional? Or is this due to the colder weather?

I know I need a break. I am just being lost in noise, chase and expectations. I need to chill. Or maybe, I need to rearrange my furniture…seeing them all in the same place for the past nine months is making me mad…i am a peculiar person, I think changes are good…in a way.

努力过自己想过的生活 😊🌈❄️☀️⛄️⭐️🌻🐒🐰🍵😊

Double Standards

I must have missed out a lot of sweet delicacies in my life. Mainly a decade or more. And oh my, how I have been enjoying them lots these days. However, I need to remind myself, that too much of the sweet stuffs are going to do me more harm than good. So while I love them, I must adopt a conscious attitude not to overindulge in them.

A friend commented that I keep going for dim sum. Hmmm…I really like dim sum. Since young. But I seldom asked my parents to let me have such food as I knew that they would prefer to spend more on books for me. So I told myself…I shall eat such things when I’m older. I don’t want to depend on my parents for anything. Instead, I want to be the one who provides for them, their needs and wants. Because they first love me. And I’ll gladly provide for them. They aren’t the ones who sponge on me, as what some parents (sadly in reality, we do see such parents around) do to their children. I remember how they have loved me much in the past, since birth…and I don’t and won’t ever forget all those moments. Such moments are what money couldn’t buy. And what some people don’t understand or refuse to accept the truth is, in reality, a person can really remember a lot. Especially when most of us shun bad memories while retaining the good ones, we should all strive to create as many good memories as we can, starting in our early years of life. For those people who say they can’t remember much of their earlier days, it’s most likely they don’t want to recall their unhappiness. This could be due to their subconscious minds telling them not to remember…but in reality, there’s no way we don’t remember, unless we have Alzheimer’s Disease, or we have some inherent sickness that prevents us from recollection.

If a parent think it’s rightful to sponge off someone, but not rightful to adopt a sense of responsibility…this is definitely a parent who is very selfish and greedy, applying double standards in life and thus ruining the lives of their children. Just because these parents themselves couldn’t achieve more, they are stuck in their mindsets that it’s right to garner wealth at the expense of others. I don’t know how many of such parents there are, seems to be mainly those who are 好吃懒做 kind. And they simply miss out on many things in life. With a good education, a woman is so empowered to do a lot of things and enjoy her life throughout without being at the mercy of another. But then, of course I do know of women who are such, and it’s not just one, but a few…I respect their wishes to be in such a position…because with the money a man can bring, likewise a man can bring some extras to others…Isn’t this a mutual transaction in the end? Using monetary terms to stop the other from being heard?…😒 My years of education have never made me into such a person……or rather, money is not a thing we can bring into our afterlife whatsoever. Instead of sponging off people, I rather I have my own voice. And do whatever I like.

So in actual fact, I do not like to be restricted. 我是奔向自由, never into restriction. I hate that. To me, that’s 坟墓. Yes, there’s a decade which I don’t want to reminisce. A decade full of constraints, tolerances, accusations, being taken for granted, with so many black needles pointing to me…LOL little wonder why I was in such an unhappy state during those years.

Indeed, before one turns around and points his/her finger at me, look at your set of fingers…but well, nobody cares to look at their fingers these days…unless they want to do manicures 😄😄😄

自由🆓

一想起自由我脸上就露出笑容 😊

努力过自己想过的生活 😊🌈❄️☀️⛄️⭐️🌻🐒🐰🍵😊