Winter wear: Uniqlo Sweater and top

そですね. When I don’t talk, people mistake me for a Japanese.

I walked to a counter with a print-out copy of my reservation in English. The lady at the counter read the reservation and much to my horror, proceeded to explain to me in Japanese!…I was like…is there something wrong, I’m in a Mandarin-speaking land, and since my printed reservation was in English (I didn’t select the Japanese version), it should be clear enough that I speak English and not 日本. Hmmm……

I purchased items at shopping malls. The sales attendants proceeded to count the change to me in Japanese. Yes, for a moment, I really thought I was back in Japan! It’s so déjà vu. Because I’m used to Japanese sales…but I’m not in Japan this time.

I stopped by a store wanting to buy some goodies back home. Auntie commented to me, ‘哎哟,你不讲话,我还真以为你是日本小姐啊!’ I smiled at her and said I am not. She continued, ‘有没有人告诉你, 说你像日本小姐?很多吧?’ Wow, this auntie was superb. How did she know that?!? After some while, she proceeded to ask me to give birth to a girl because my girl will definitely inherit my Japanese looks since my boy doesn’t…哈哈哈,真的是太好笑了!……

我也喜欢有个女儿啊!But I have so many things to do now. I am not one who can really make sacrifices easily and readily. I don’t want to fall into the cycle of just doing what people generally are doing. It’s not a bad thing to set up family. I love families and cohesiveness of relationships. The warmth that real families emit. The bond that real families have. I have seen real families. And I thank God for these families. Because families make this world warmer. I have also seen sad families. Just a while ago, I overheard by chance, a conversation between two elderly women.
W1: These days, I must make sure I can support myself. My kids are only interested in money. They see that I don’t have that much money, so they seldom drop by to visit me.
W2: Yes, we must look after ourselves. Raise them up yet all they talk about is money. Seeing them makes me sad.

Seriously, I don’t think they are the lone folks having such conversations. Maybe there are some folks out here who have a very bad feeling about things in their life, and yet they are just too scared to bring up the topic in their conversations. So it doesn’t mean that if they don’t talk, they aren’t being bothered with it. I think, the saddest thing is when you realise, money is the only object that brings people to you, including close relationships. The conversation of the two elderly women brought me much thoughts.

I don’t think it’s that difficult to spot a gold-digger. It’s just that sometimes, our pride obstructs our senses, and infuses us with hopes and dreams. How many times of hopes and dreams can you afford? Numerous. How many times of crashed hopes and broken dreams can you afford? Depends on your age. I am a high-risk taker with a very realistic mindset. I don’t know whether it works for me, but I do know that if I don’t take risk, I will never have the chance to land at where I want.

Now, where do I want?…maybe the direction will be revealed to me in 2013? 🙂

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone

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Mint Green and White

I love soft pastel colours. But I am not a softie.
Lately, I’ve developed a greater amount of liking for strong colours. I am thinking of having them in my rooms for the next round. Maybe I should get myself a RED as such a colour might be able to spur me on. Similar to Red Bull 😉

Caught some parts of saga happening lately. The face-palm with hi-lo milk was the talk of the town last week. What’s on this week? … Maybe some random postponement of major event in life?…

My friend introduced about a chat app. Another social networking app. I have already tried that several years ago. At the end of the day, I just found it silly. And plastic. Yea, I am a stick-in-the-mud old fashioned fella. I prefer to know people through reliable friends. Not through some random webchat or dubious friends with dubious characters and hidden agenda. Perhaps I learned it the hard way. For I saw that someone would never ever have made it to my social clique due to intellectual differences. By that, I don’t mean it’s all academics. Unfortunately, I chose to be wilful and trampled on the road less taken. Someone had a hidden agenda. I became a prey and was being threatened. It was too psychotic a process, and had I not been well-trained before, I might really seriously doubt my own sanity.

Freedom. Peace. Dreams.
Do I sound like the hippie?

I am still a bit apprehensive about my dreams. But I choose to go ahead because it’s not as if my apprehension can help me to get my dreams going.

The question is: What is my dream???

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone

Merry Holidays!

It’s a mad rush these days. There are simply 1001 things to accomplish. And I think my CPU is running low in both capacity and processing. I need rest badly.

人在做,天在看。I used to know someone who would share this with me. But that person in the end did something which was bizarre. I never understood that. I think, I never want to understand that either. Hence I distanced myself. I don’t understand why people never practice what they preach. Maybe I have very high expectations. But I always believe, we all have a God in our heart, don’t we all have expectations in a way or another? If we don’t set some expectations, and anything can just be fine, then why are there so many people being calculative over certain things in life?

I dislike nitpickers. They are pains in the arse. Are they perfect? They aren’t. So why don’t they stop viewing people’s flaws? I dislike manipulators. They are snoops. Highly insecure beings. They can be crazy and prone to psychotic manipulation as well. Good luck to those who succumb to the tactics of the manipulators. This is akin to the boiling frog syndrome. *shrug*

Life is quite like a TV set. Many channels to watch. Some prefer the more sophisticated and cultural types. Hence they have channels such as Discovery Channel and art programmes to watch. Some like the melodrama and gossipy types. Hence they have the TVBs and Phoenix channels. I may have the channels wrongly. I don’t seem to fit in.

I think I am queer. Maybe I like to build castles in the air. I believe in chasing my dreams. But sometimes, I also wonder what my dreams are. I don’t want to settle into a routine. Yet a routine seems to be the easiest thing in life — there’s no need to think so much. What’s the point of chasing after my dreams? … But in my life, I believe in chasing after dreams. And I believe in attaining dreams. And I am fully aware that the process takes a very long time. Is my patience wearing me out, causing me to lose track of my vision?

Year 2013 is just around the corner…
Merry Holidays!

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone

What are their motivations?

After reading the recent and latest spate of incidents, I really wonder more deeply, what are their motivations behind such acts? Do they really feel happy? And is their happiness lasting? Do they have to frequently do something to extend and prolong the happiness?

To me, these just seem so wrong. Morally wrong. But what are morals? And how much do morals cost these days? Perhaps people are more willing to pay more for getting a branded car and upscale condominium as opposed to working on their morals. Perhaps people prefer to spend money to attend some pop star concerts as opposed to spending time to understand about morals. Or perhaps, some people just don’t have morals. They just want to get what they want, as according to how they feel at that moment, what they need at that time, their hidden agenda for the years ahead.

I always tell myself, never to toy with one’s feelings. Hence, even when I wasn’t sure of my Mr Knight’s feelings, I rejected Mr Tendercare. By letting him know that I didn’t want to waste his time because my eyes were for Knight’s. I know that most people will hold onto Mr Tendercare at the same time, while trying to determine Mr Knight’s feelings. I just couldn’t and wouldn’t do that. Because that’s against my morals. I don’t do two-timing. I am a monorail. To me, it’s alright even if Mr Tendercare’s very good, super caring, highly lovely. Maybe I am just building a castle in the air. I still think that the right person will appear at the right time, with no need for me to cross the lines of morality issues. Neither does he have to face up with such a difficult situation.

I don’t believe in forcing people to make their decisions. I like people to make their own decisions. And not blame anyone else for it. We all have a choice.

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone

Hansel & Gretel: The pantomime

We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly with this musical. This reminded me of the good o’ days I used to have when I was studying, where my friends and I would often find time and fund to attend such plays. We attended the Lion King musical last year. And that was really very nice. I want to tell myself, that I love arts and art. I want to attend more plays and paint more. I want to tell myself, that I am not into the pursuit of mindless items in life. More often than not, we are just so caught up with the expectations of society that we lose track of our origin. I don’t want to be engulfed. True enough, I am a queer person. Well, it’s not as if that I need anyone to understand me, my mindset. As long as I feel comfortable with myself, I gather that this should be fine. Because I am me! 🙂

I pray for good health and strength. The tiredness gets to me, especially at this time of the year. I need God’s blessings!!!!…..

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone

This color reminded me of Saint Margaret’s :-)

With polka dots, green and white.

I am not a saint. But that doesn’t stop me from being a person who tries to be good.

I can’t seem to understand why some people love to behave in a lousy manner. What gains do they get out of it? Do they really feel happy?… Maybe they get the temporal kick from making someone unhappy. For just that moment. Is it worth it? It’s just like the abusers get the kick out of destroying the self-esteem of a person. For just that moment. And for just that moment, someone feels happy. Is that everlasting happiness?

Such people are the childish ones. They may have grown in size and such, but they are not advancing in both brains and emotions. To have just brains is cold-blooded. To have just emotions is plain crazy.

Anyway, the cycle continues. Try to put this thought away? That would continue to haunt you. Better to wise up and be matured about it, rather than just casting that to a corner, acting like an ostrich. What’s the point of having a transaction when the other party doesn’t want to honour it? Are we charity organizations?

Most of the time, we know it. But perhaps, huge egos blind us to reality. People can’t seem to afford to lose. Like the casino. They walk in. They keep dwelling. Refusing to see that there needs to be a boundary set. Even when it’s time to let go, some people just refuse to walk out of the casino. Why? Because they cannot accept. Reality bites.

The cycle goes on.

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone

Sweet cardigan top

As with age, I think I shouldn’t be getting some more sweet stuffs. Perhaps I’ve been so tired these days, I find myself more haggard-looking than ever. Oh, yucks!…

Or maybe it’s my longing that makes me so…I have been listening to the music box for the past 2 days. How I wish I’m back in Otaru, taking that old fashioned train…how I wish I’m back on the mountain trips…how I wish…the memories to be reality at this moment!

What’s me?…I don’t grow fast. I’m much too slow. I think I’m just a dreamy person. I like dreams. And I like to build my dreams. I think and believe that dreams can be realised. Do I sound stupid when I say this? Why don’t people believe in dreams anymore? Why must we just follow routine day in and day out? Why can’t we take on a different path, every day, every trip? Why can’t we handle things differently? Why must we be like clones, progress as according to the expected outcomes that society wants?

I am not exactly a follower. It may seem the safest but I lose my freedom.

Oh…and I am simply too exhausted now…I can’t think more…

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone

Missing Japan

I will never forget.
The nice memories.
The good people.
The great thoughts and gestures.
The beautiful scenery.
The systematic flow.
The poetic words.
The connection.

When we talked about connection, did we connect with just anyone?
I know who I can connect with. And it’s just not any random person. I can be with a person for many years but with no connection at all. Right from the start. No matter how hard I tried in the past. My heart was never there.

I fell. Deep. Because that’s where I belong. That’s where people and I just connect. That’s where I belong. I like everything there. Everything. I know this is going to be hard. I also have no idea how things are going to work out eventually. I may be naive and idealistic. But I truly believe that home is where the heart is. And my heart is in that home. And I yearn for that day to come.

It doesn’t snow here. This is not my place.

I miss the one who is poetic.
I miss the one who speaks sense.
I miss the one who exudes artistic self.

I really don’t think that any random person can fit the bill. I will never forget this: How do one survive if the other doesn’t catch your joke?…To me, that’s a pain and a torture.

About connection. I find greatest connection with poetic people. One who uses words not from the layman. One who is perceptive enough with the thoughts and actions of the surroundings. One who thinks and cares enough about the world. I am idealistic. And I am not willing to cave in to any other. On a side note, I am selfish enough to care for what I want. On a lighter note, I’ll always try my best to take care of other’s needs first before tending to my wants.

I’ve waited out long. And I do see plans flowing in. Accordingly. I pray for continuity of my positive mindset and blessings from God. Many times, in the midst of all the whirlwind state of matters, I lose sight of my dreams. And it’s scary to lose sight of them. I am scared when I realise that I have lost sight of my dreams. Why? Because I felt that I’m going through a fog…

Missing Japan. And counting down. Soon, we’ll meet. The time will come.

Home is where the heart belongs……

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone

Fast-food Generation

I realise that people want things fast.
Meals to be served fast.
Cashiers to be fast.
Work to be done fast.
Relationships to proceed fast.
And many more things which I can’t possibly list all down here, because I am not fast enough.

I am a very slow person. Yes, S-L-O-W, slow tortoise. If I am being hurried, I get pissed and most likely will not be inclined to give my best. I think, we need to be reasonable enough in life. If we want food to be served that fast, we shouldn’t go to a restaurant. Isn’t that a simple and logical reasoning?

It’s easy to buy things in, but hard to get things out. Hence, I hardly get things I don’t want into my place. I try my best to recycle certain items and certain looks. I get bored with the same design every now and then. I really cannot stand seeing the same thing and placement of things.

Am I an insensitive person? I think so. For I can be so engrossed with what I am doing, that I utterly dismissed the presence of people. I can be concentrating too much onto my tasks, that I actually don’t realise the presence of others.

Being insensitive is one of my weaknesses. And I am sure that there are people who dislike me for that. Especially so when I have this Ah-Q behaviour. Doesn’t it simply irk some people???!!!……

Yes, I don’t really like to eat fast-food these days. Neither do I really fancy restaurants.

My top of the list is: home-cooked food, followed by food centre’s food. LOL

[Q: What do I want to be remembered as?
A: A girl who needs plenty of ‘ME-TIME’, but still chooses to put the time for her loved ones – family and friends.] Sent from my iPhone