I think, ZARD’s songs resonated my feelings. Just listening to her songs brought me déjà vu memories of JPop days. I wasn’t into JPop back then. I started listening to the Japanese music when I was in primary school, way before the wave of JPop swept Asia in the late 90s towards the millennium. I grew up listening more to the Japanese and English songs, especially when I was in primary school. I can still remember some of the old birds, ZARD was considered the later batch towards the millennium. Somehow I had an overdose of the Japanese items and hence I deviated from the Japanese to concentrate on my studies. Until much later on, my affinity returns. And this time round, I will make it a point to go back to what I have not completed in my primary school. I don’t want to live a life of regrets.
Life. What I like. Choose my love.
Time is the only factor.
I am an idealistic person. Maybe I am not very down to earth. I have my strange hopeless moments. I don’t know. I kind of understand why I have a soft spot towards people who are soft-spoken. I hope that everything will work out in God’s will. I have pushed aside many things for these many years. Because I want to focus on what I want. And there are so many things that I have missed out on, and too many things for me to want. I cannot handle everything without prioritising. Some things or people just have to take a back seat in my life. Not that I don’t care, but because I know I won’t give my best at this moment in time. There’s nothing worse than seeing myself not putting in my best. Yes, I am not perfect, BUT I don’t want myself to use this as an excuse to get myself out of not doing my best. It’s spiral. And I hate coming up with excuses. For myself. I want to do my best.
It’s easy for me to just take the easy way out. But that’s not what I want. And definitely not my happiness.
It’s very tough. Many times I also struggle. Temptations are all around, and it’s hard. Sometimes I have to tell myself, keep up my good focus, keep going…but then there I will be thinking otherwise if I have not been so harsh upon myself. How do I explain that to myself? Yea, why am I so harsh upon myself? Why do I do everything, as if I am Wonderwoman, and I am void of all feelings???
I am not a robot. Not a computer. Not a program. I have emotions and feelings as well. I face temptations in life as well. Good things happen to me, bad things happen as well. What do I do? I try to clear my head, clear my heart, and clear what I want to do. I try to make things clear to myself, and for myself. Yes, I am very me-centred. If I am not, I will forever be living for someone, and not for myself, that will be even sadder. It’s only when I live for myself, then I can live and care for others in a much better way…
Happy? I am.
Sad? I am.
Angry? I am.
Thrilled? I am.
Hopeful? I am.
Frustrated? Not really.
There are many things I am happy about. And these are close to my heart. If I feel sad, it’s usually because I feel discouraged that my well-meaning thoughts were deemed as otherwise. If I feel angry, it’s usually because I cannot stand pharisees and cannot comprehend the existence of individuals who do not see beyond. I am lost because sometimes I also wonder what I am doing. I am thrilled because there are always new things happening and entering into my life. I am hopeful because I am basically an optimistic person in a way. Feelings of frustrations only hit me when I meet with obstacles. But as what I have always done, I get around such. Scared? No, because I place my faith in God.
I try not to think. Not to think. It’s just a nice distraction from my original intended path.
Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)