Season of Scarf

I wonder, whether this world is really coming to an end soon? With all the floods in our nearby countries…is it better that this end comes so fast? I don’t know. Much as we like to speculate, this is all in God’s timing. What is His timing? Only God knows. Can we predict? We can’t. He has the cards in His hands. We are just pawns…?

Sometimes, people just use us for a certain moment in life. Some friends stick to you only when they aren’t hanging out with their love. I used to have such friend. Would I term this as friendship? I won’t. What’s friendship, if you can’t share both happy and sad moments? What’s friendship, if you have to only present a certain part of yourself to that party? What’s friendship, if you have to deliberately sieve out things and not talk to him/her about it? Is this called friendship, or just a matter of convenience, or simply, boliao???

It has nothing to do with the friends’ morality issues. I don’t judge people in this way. But rather, how much we can both share, what’s our quality of time spend together, do we really care…? Right now, stepping out of darkness, I really see, why God stirred this heart of mine, not once but twice. He absolutely knows what I would be going through. Looking back, I really thank God for His people in my life.

Is there any point to do fault-finding? Sometimes, why we don’t do what we should do is due to the absence of the heart. I believe, if you truly want something, you would go through all hardships to get that. Having said that, do I really know what I want? I can’t determine for sure, hence I might as well stand here, this moment in time. I can’t be hurried. I need awful lots of time. Time for myself, for activities, for my body, for my mind, for my likes…up till now, I still find myself finding for more time. It’s rather insane, and unbelievable right? Who on earth can have the luxury of time? Who on earth can’t move fast? Interestingly enough, I love speed. I love racing cars, I love racing bikes…I used to watch the Formula Racing Challenges on RTM1/2 when much younger. I always thought it’s cool to wear helmet and step on the accelerator, sit in the racing car…hmmmm!

Been trying to eat salad these days. Gotta cleanse my body…rid of toxins. Actually, my body has high metabolism rate. Well, that’s why it matters to me alot where the restrooms are! Lol. It’s getting too crowded in this small nation. I want green pastures. I want space. I want to see the sky. Oh well, I might as well be the cow/sheep/goat/ horse… (^_^)

Keep playing JJ Lin’s 江南. I like the melody…and the lyrics, despite that I’ve never really encountered such a situation and feeling for it. I thought it sounded so 凄美. Romantically sadly beautiful and melodious. Oh well, I am a masochist. Oh well…I love comedies but love sad melodious songs. Balance them up, I shouldn’t be that much of a masochist right? I also like the Korean Pop, happy happy dance dance dance. So carefree, so chirpy, full of energy! Japanese Pop belongs to another category for me. Nothing can replace that. But well, my obssession may not last long either. 3 months would be the limit? Hahaha…else more than that, I think I can start plucking my hair out.

I am so looking forward to a break! I need to break away from my routine. Routine makes me mad. Find it stifling. It’s pretty easy though, no need to kill more braincells, but is that healthy for my growth? Nope. I would need a break. Breathe in the fresh air!

Cool…down…relax…close my eyes…SLEEP!

お休みなさい!

Scarf in Fashion

Cold days provide the perfect excuse to wear scarfs 🙂

Are we always coming up with excuses? Not doing this and that, cannot do this and that, later then we do this and that…? Actually, the underlying reason is, we just don’t want to do this and that. Isn’t this so? Stop giving excuses for yourself and others. When one doesn’t do what one has said, that’s not an excuse for anything. It just shows very clearly…what you think.

When I read those words, I really had a shock. What sort of reference was this?! Do people really think I don’t mean what I say? Especially when I say the truth during an argument? If I’ve never said anything all along, that means, it is fine for me, regardless of ups and downs, I’m fine with it. To be forced to a corner to say the truth in an argument is the worst thing that can happen to me in speech…because I am a truthful person. It’s super hard for me not to express myself clearly where I’m so staunch on my views. Yah, constipated. Do I like that? NOPE.

If that annoys me, I’m just so glad to minimise the contact. If that frustrates me, I’m equally glad to minimise contact. If that scares me, i’ll be glad to face it, face to face I have no qualms about it.

We’ve changed so much our little state. Change is for everyone. Physical, emotional, mental. Is that good? I believe, things happen for a reason. Perhaps to let me know the value of heart.

I keep re-reading it. I’m sure that it does not refer to the previous. If it is not, does it mean……? I don’t want to kill my fantasy as yet. I want to continue with my dreams and fantasies. I want my part. I really can’t imagine life without dreams, hopes and fantasies. That would be a killer. Hahaha, I remember, several years ago, i watched ‘The Princess Hours’ when my dream/fantasy was up and about. I seldom watch drama series. Except for the Japanese detective kind or fashion ones. Korean dramas are much too dreamy and romantic for me. I’m a romantic at heart, but in reality, it’s real hard to find the right potion of romance syrup. Even when close to that, I tend to snap out…that’s when the Korean dramas helped…to drill some dreamy potions into my cells. LOL. I was told that I was a runaway bride. Guess that I haven’t change much so far. I still prefer to run…run away. It’s so hard to face up to one’s emotions and feelings. The closest I did was Y-san. But that was perpetuated by realization of my heart, the heart of being emotionless, as being pissed off by some. I guess, my patience was too great, and hence the appearance of Y-san, made me realize, how intense I could be. That I wasn’t emotionless after all.

But I am still as usual…this time round, it’s another K-drama. Sigh. I don’t want to delve too much into the words. So tiring. I haven’t even plan for the year end! Trust this to consume my energy. Time flies, right? I miss snow…again. I’m too used to my own timing. Walking according to my own pace of steps. They are slow, I know. I procrastinate. I know. Maybe I’m trying to escape? Just drop and run. Nike’s ad, Just Do It. Well…whatever, I still have to wait. Part and parcel of life. Wait till Spring comes…? Oops…suddenly…that would be April, wouldn’t it be…?…hmmm…and next year, it’s the Year of Dragon…why are all these words appearing now???

Just sleep lah…must have my beauty sleep, as always 😀

With a GAP

I don’t recall I ever buy anything from GAP (for my clothings) till this year. I’m happy with what I got from them. Maybe the gap has been narrowed and closed these years?

What you like may not be suitable for you. What is suitable for you may not be what you like. I keep thinking about what my friend has reminded me…real food for thought.

I would prefer to be alone than to be with one who is not suitable for me. Does that mean I like? I would prefer to be alone than to be with one whom I don’t like. Does that mean the person is suitable then?

Confused. What ifs?

Simple…cardigan, top and skirt

Simple is nice. I don’t like complicated stuffs. Leave me out if things are complicated. I don’t like to kill my braincells over complications.

So many things to attend to. Thank God for taking away one, at least I can heave a sigh of relief. I’m quite apprehensive about it. I really hope that this will be good.

Ups and downs. Downs and ups. I just like to chill. Think nothing, nothingness in life. Is this even possible? Aren’t we humans making things complicated?

It is all about choices. What do you like? My friend told me, what you like may not always be what’s suitable for you. This seems to be SO right? But earlier on, that’s not what I like, and even so, that’s also not suitable for me…how does this logic work for me? If that’s what I like, must be suitable for me, right? … The logic that works for me seems to be quite on the contrary. Sigh. I am confused. I like to study, it’s suitable for me. 🙂 I like to cook, it’s suitable for me. 🙂 I like to nurture, it’s suitable for me. 🙂 I don’t like sums, it’s unsuitable for me. I don’t like mind games, it’s unsuitable for me. LOL

I like to sleep. Is it suitable for me? 😀

Looking forward. Whatever it is, at least this will open more windows of opportunities. I don’t want darkness. I adore brightness. I like white horse, snow owl…husky…

Maybe inspiration will never exist. 🙂 I want to walk away. I choose to walk away. I always walk away. Am I running away?… Maybe I am. I’m like an ostrich. Am I?

I find it meaningless. I don’t like. Don’t irritate me.

Cold cold day……don it with scarf from F21

Such a cold, stormy and wet day. Look at the sky, and the pouring rain. I feel sad, despite being awake earlier with many happy thoughts of my lovely sunflower.

How romantic can I be when my favourite flower is not rose, not lily, but sunflower? Blah…I must be super unromantic, haha, i can hear myself chuckling away too.

Just because I am different, does that mean I’m odd? Just because I am odd, does that mean I am cold? Hmmm…yup, I feel cold this winter but warm with people I am comfortable with. When I am not totally at ease with you, it’s hard for me to be warm. I definitely come across as cold. Very cold. Regardless of how many years I have known you, it doesn’t matter, when I don’t feel at ease with you, I just clam up.

Clamming up and enjoying the silence are two different things. I clam up due to uneasiness with you. I enjoy the silence because I am comfortable with you. Huh?…I know it’s confusing. Do people ever understand that? LOL Most likely no. Hahaha…why?

If you ask me a question, I usually tell you the truth. If you put me in a spot, (depends on how much I dislike you) I will meet the challenge. If you don’t like the truth, then please don’t ask me in the first place. Only the one who has healthy self-confidence…I am looking for that.

Don’t pretend to have that. I am willing to help you, but if you don’t even want to face up to yourself, whatever help from me is not going to be miracles for your life. I don’t think anyone is perfect in this world. Hence neither should people expect me to be perfect. I am imperfect. But this isn’t an excuse for dwelling in imperfections and expect some castles to be built overnight. I wish I have the key to them, but in reality, I don’t have. So please don’t build fantasies of me that are based on illusions of fairy tales from whatever dramas.

I can have my cold crazy days…Now that my friends have infected me with the Kdrama craze. Oh great, I adore the male lead so much! LOL

From my travels…

I just realised, that the items I wore in this photo were not purchased locally. Jacket from HK, Chiffon Dress from Thailand, Innerwear from Japan, Necklace from Japan……

I guess, my heart says the truth…not my head. My heart sees the truth…not my head. Yet, times and times again, I fear my heart the most, and trust my head the most. That’s when things turn dreary and make me weary. More often than not, my head does not see correctly. It’s my heart that senses too well.

或许多看韩剧,我便可以变成一个较爱情化、浪漫化的妮子。我依然喜爱日剧。但 是偶尔我也要过着一个让我勾起美好回忆及建设未来与幻想的日子。

你要怎么做就怎么做。 随意 怎样? 无意那又怎样 我眼睛累了 让我好好先睡吧!

Suzuya Grey Top from HK

I need time-out. Getting out of breath. I need to rethink.

Really enjoy the K-drama I’m watching currently. I like the 2nd male lead in the drama. I’ve watched a number of his dramas…and hahaha, I do go gaga over him. He reminds me of a certain Japanese actor. Ya right, I’m superficial. I am attracted to people who either are Japanese or have features that resemble Japanese…this male lead just looks so wow!…I don’t really like most J or K drama actors.

Maybe I have changed. How would one remain the same throught? Hardly achievable. So what about promises? People tend to give promises freely that there is a lack of commitment and belief in them these days.

Polka, Cardigan and Lace

These three seem to be my current obsession. It’s very unhealthy for me to be obsessed. When I reach such a stage, it could be because I’m simply bored, or I really love that so much. I would rather it to be the former than the latter. As the former makes it easier for me to stop the obsession, while the latter only encourages further obsession if it’s not being stopped.

I’m simply bewildered. How can such similarity exists??? There aren’t twins so how would they bear such resemblance??? And I’m scared…can I stop everything?

I find it tough to explain. No need to explain. I’m looking forward to Dec. It’s rather sad that time flies. And that’s scary. I am not a negative person, but sometimes the way I think could be quite self- defeating. How not to think in such way? I will be doing something for myself. Could be addictive. Could be pleasurable.

Looking forward. I still wanna build my dreams. And realise them.

If I endure.

Polka, Cardigan and Lace

These three seem to be my current obsession. It’s very unhealthy for me to be obsessed. When I reach such a stage, it could be because I’m simply bored, or I really love that so much. I would rather it to be the former than the latter. As the former makes it easier for me to stop the obsession, while the latter only encourages further obsession if it’s not being stopped.

I’m simply bewildered. How can such similarity exists??? There aren’t twins so how would they bear such resemblance??? And I’m scared…can I stop everything?

I find it tough to explain. No need to explain. I’m looking forward to Dec. It’s rather sad that time flies. And that’s scary. I am not a negative person, but sometimes the way I think could be quite self- defeating. How not to think in such way? I will be doing something for myself. Could be addictive. Could be pleasurable.

Looking forward. I still wanna build my dreams. And realise them.

If I endure.