The Vest I bought from BugIs

I like vest but kinda think that it’s a very masculine look. Esp so since I’m rather masculine by nature lol. I’m kinda unique here, as I’m an alternate. I like both masculine and feminine looks. Maybe, that should be inspirations for my upcoming designs. Anyway, I’m going for the cottage look, not the zen look. I don’t like the zen look here. They are just replicates of matchstick boxes. And cold. And empty.

Exactly the way I want. With my designs. I’ve decided to do one or two painting of my own. Maybe do a Monet type 🙂 or just plain type? If ever I have a previous life, I must have been an artist. Probably in Paris…lol

In sweet thoughts now. Can be high even without chocolates! I like such feelings. And of course along with my plans, I feel the need to plan with deadlines.

Stripes like a zebra

I love my this longsleeved cardi. Love the fact that it’s in stripes. Lol. I’m like a zebra. Stripes.

Just over the weekend, on Saturday…when I was feeling real down with what has happened to Japan and been happening to the nuclear plants..and her towns, I questioned so much about the existence of God, about His mercy, about His wrath…and more…I was deeply disillusioned at some point, very disturbed. The incidents have shaken me badly. It’s really a terrible feeling to see people suffering…and perishing. Especially so when I love her people and culture very much.

Then…as I was driving, I saw this magnificient rainbow appear just in front of me on the sky. Oh Lord…please be merciful!

I’m still praying. Especially for miracles to the selfless people who have spent so many weeks and days going near the nuclear plants. And may God bless the nuclear plants to cool down and stop the flaming. Please bless her nation.

Have you?

Have you ever loved someone and worried so much for the person? Have you ever cared for someone and hoped for all the best to him/her? Have you?

Maybe I think too much. All along, I’m a thinker. The bad part about being a thinker is, I tend to worry much too…and I don’t just worry for someone who’s next to me, but also for those who are far from me…

Sometimes I thought I have lost my emotions. I used to be told by someone that I’m rather emotionless. I thought I was indeed without feelings. I searched my own heart. I’m fearful, that I’m void of emotions and feelings. But then, what’s this butterfly doing here in my heart?

Perhaps for some, I never have the butterfly for them. And hence I appeared so emotionless. Or perhaps I set my sights too high, while at the same time I had the soft spot for certain personality? Okie, I’m one confused person. But I know, being a very superficial me, I love the voice. I’m a quiet person by nature. I listen much more than I talk. And when I hear that, I won’t forget. I don’t talk much…maye because of that famous kindergarten teacher who stopped me from chatting. Well, she has sorta changed my life then.

My cardi and pants are from Mphosis. It’s my first time buying from Mphosis. To me, most of the time, I don’t find their clothes appealing. Just not suitable for me. I don’t like black, I don’t like sheer scanty tops, I don’t like short shorts. I’m picky about attire, as I don’t really like both extremes: Formal and super casual.

Exhausted. Too many things happening and taking my energy. In need of a good rest badly.

White top from BHG

It looks like a real sad departmental store to me. I guess, that day was the last of my shopping spree for the first quarter. That’s about mid Feb. Since then, I don’t feel like shopping. And coupled with the recent spate of disasters, all the more I don’t feel like shopping. In the past, I was more task-focused, more objects-driven. Now? I really think, relationships matter more. Who feels good about leaving Japan? It’s not about life or death. It’s about that emotional connection you have with the country, with her fellowmen. I fully understand their pride in sacrificing for their fellow countrymen. For the sake of the nation. It’s sad, though upon hearing…Sometimes, I find that individualism has created much distant and cold in people relationships. How many still think for others selflessly? Or shall I say, that it takes a certain group of people not to take flight when times turn bad…and this I find that intense pride in the Japanese, their belief and commitment, which makes them so attractive in my eyes and heart. Not their looks. I’ve interacted with enough numbers of people, to know what kind of heart they might possess. I dislike frivolous conversations, but neither can I keep up with whatever politically correct conversations. I don’t like to conform, but neither do I like to blindly follow. I remember my prayers made to God a year and a half ago. There are certain things I can’t forget, especially when I realised, that it’s not that difficult after all to recognize your own kind…But then, I do wonder, who needs a twin? Will I be happy if you are exactly the way that I am? … I think, I will freak out.

Please pray for Japan and please donate

Rather upset with what some netizens have been commenting lately, about a Singaporean lady with Indonesian father donating a million dollars for the Japan Quake disaster fund. Some were saying that she and her father were casting their nets far away, as the Japanese definitely will remember their kind gestures and this would bring them contracts of huge amounts. Whatever their hidden agenda, the fact is they really donated a million dollars. Are there many foreigners who will do that? Hence, those who never have the heart for people in the first place will never understand, the first step to a person’s heart, is to give. Graciously and generously. Not grudgingly.

Seriously, I wish I can do more. Just like the 2004 Tsunami in Indonesia. I always believe that when you have benefitted much from this world, it’s always good to do your part for society and care for them. Some may call me silly and a fool. Fool I may be, I’ve never understood about people’s calculative manners and laments, I’ve never understood about scheming and evilness. Fool I may be, I’ve never seen any need to compare and feel imbalance about anything. What I have, I have. What I have not, so be it. If I really want it so badly, I’ll achieve it with my bare hands and heart. Not with schemes, plots, lies, criticisms, etc. Maybe that’s why when I realised that there’s such a huge gap in values and beliefs, that when the connection of values and beliefs of another set me thinking and seeing, that this world doesn’t comprise of just you and me. This world is big. And because it’s big, there are many thousands with differing values and beliefs. How would I ever fail to recognise the one who speaks the same as me??? I recognise. I know. That’s it. Imagine…so many people we’ve encountered…

I want to improve on all my skills. Care for others and volunteer. This world is so big. I have a part to play. I want to be part of a contributor to make this world a better place. I believe that God has a calling for me. And perhaps it’s ever more evident with these recent spate of events. However, I can’t see exactly for now, what He has called upon me to do. I’ll just take it a step at a time. I’ve encountered enough times to recognise the tug of His calling. It’s a strange feeling.

I was more angry the past few days…emotions have been better now. Just like that Japanese…who said that this disaster has set them thinking about God…and they just prayed…

Hokkaido is a lovely place as well. With lovely people. Just like mainland Japan. Pray that God shows mercy on Japan…pray for the children who have been displaced due to the disaster, pray for them to recover from their shock and to rebuild their lives…something that they would learn from this and pass this story on to their future generations…pray for the people who are still in the shelters, and pray that food and water will be delivered to them. Pray that the weather will turn warmer over the days, and their health will improve. Pray that the nuclear plants will be contained, and the reactors will be cooled to a non-danger temperature. Pray that the nuclear crisis will end off very soon. Pray that no further massive earthquake and tsunami will happen. Pray that God bless the health of the Fukushima 50. I read one of the reports. The wife was great…she told her husband, I wish you would be the saviour of Japan. When her husband told her he would be in the firefighting team. How many ladies would actually understand the sacrifices? And how many men would actually feel honoured to sacrifice themselves for the country and fellowmen??? This is what I like about the Japanese. Yes, people can say they are crazy, they are mad. But to me, they are perfect in the self- sacrificing part.

I remembered, that I hardly encountered any pushing around in Japan. Everytime, the men would just stand aside to wait for you to walk by first. Else, they will make one big detour in order to let you have the space to walk. Such are so well-meaning thoughts. I hate it when men thought so high and mighty of themselves, and they expect women to even make way for them, or they just insisted on squeezing with you and rubbing against you. Such are what most irritating men will do. Japanese aren’t. Or maybe, I’m lucky enough to meet those who aren’t. Haha, lucky? Just very recently, someone commented that I’m very lucky. Hmmm…come to think of it, I really find it so true too…just that I don’t know whether I should term it as a matter of luck, or counting God’s blessings. So far, so good…

The port city, Hakodate…though it’s not badly affected by the tsunami as it’s in Hokkaido, I pray for her people to be ever ready.

Pray also that there won’t be another Pompeii. Dear God, please have mercy on us all!

Of flowers, of gardens…

My mood is still badly down. I may not show it that much, just like most Japanese they aren’t showing it either…they gotta keep their moods high and strive on. My heart goes out to them. Pray that whoever is in control of this world and has created us to be merciful.

Yes, life still goes on. Till the day God comes and takes over.

Still…I don’t feel good about it. That many homelands were being destroyed T_T It’s not about being fearful that such a calamity might also befall on us. It’s about, where is God???… I don’t know. Some may say, don’t question too much. Just accept it. Maybe that’s me, I can’t just accept certain things. Especially when this challenges my faith and belief.

Many things don’t matter any more. I’ve decided, to stop all my purchases of frivolous items and silly gadgets. Maybe when my ancient iPhone really die on me then I’ll get one. If it still can be used, I’ll continue w its span of life. What are brands to me? They aren’t anything. Though up till now, I still love Chanel lots. But then, I think, it’s more important to do more good deeds and to travel. If I have never travelled to Japan, I wouldn’t have received their kindness…and be touched by them…by their sincere gestures. If I haven’t been to HK and China, I wouldn’t have known………..the comparison…

No point lamenting.

Why did God allow this???

I’ve been thinking about it these days. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel frustrated. Each day I teared, I drove and cried…the villages were GONE!!! Why did God allow such a thing to happen???!!! I’m so confused now. And I’m very tired of thinking and trying to defend my faith and belief. I don’t see the light of tunnel for this issue. Does it mean that we are NOTHING but TOYS in this world??? I feel deeply perturbed. Yes life still goes on. But will it be the same again? NO!!!!

At this point in time. I feel so cheated. That’s how I feel when bad things happen to good people. I shall never forget the well-meaning and thoughtful Japanese I’ve encountered. Pray that the survivors stay strong. Pray that the money and water supplies and stuffs really get to them all. Please bless them!

May God have mercy on us!

I have been feeling very down for these few days. Very very sad. It’s akin to you loving someone, seeing him/her suffering in pain and yet there’s not really very much you can do to lessen their pain, except to keep praying, encourage them and helping them practically…This is an extremely difficult period for the Japanese, be it whether they are from the affected areas, how many of them can really laugh happily at these moments? Life is no longer the same for most of them in the affected areas…The once peaceful coastal regions will take some period of time to regain its life…Lives have been lost, people perished, just like that…how fragile our lives are! I don’t know what else to say…I really hope for them, that their ganbatte spirit will help them tide through these tough times. The months ahead are going to be very tiring for them. In fact now, many are exhausted…

I have never been to the affected areas before. The only coastal region I’ve been to is Hakodate, which is quite some distance away from the mainland Tohoku. However, some areas in Hakodate were flooded…the other regions I’ve been to were more of the inland, but I sat on trains that ran along the coast…I saw houses near the coast…I saw the peace of life…the serenity…I can understand that this whole incident of the tsunami swallowing the towns and villages is simply too terrifying beyond words. Lord, please have mercy on us. Please be appeased. The Japanese are very nice people. I’ve experienced their kindness and well-meaning gestures many times. Many others have also experienced the same. We all feel for them, regardless of race, language and religion. We all exist on this earth, and when one nation suffers such a calamity, I don’t think the rest of the world will have any joy either…

My mind just can’t focus much now. I have other stuffs to do as well, but this has occupied most of my thoughts…it has set me thinking…do things matter in this world? What matters in this world? It’s not your possessions, not your technology, not your looks…it’s the human relationship. While trying hard to catch up with all the news, one Japanese said a word that struck me most, as he said, ‘We are in this together.’ Yes, this is such a humanely factual truth. And he said it with such a heartfelt compassion for his people. His fellow countrymen. Such is the beauty of humankind. The human relationship.

It has been a great dilemma to the foreigners in Japan too at this moment. What are they going to do? While it’s quite evident that most will think of themselves and their safety first, but making the choice to leave is not easy. Who likes to abandon their friends when they’ve been treated with such nice kindness and warmth all along? No one feels good to leave at such a time. The whole feeling sucks much.

Pray that the nuclear issue will be resolved soon too.

How can I have the mood to be cheerful when I know that the country has lost many of her kind people??? I feel utter sadness now. I’m always quite a late starter 😦 For the initial few days I was more in shock and numbness, hence more practical…thereafter I tend to experience emotions flowing in like huge energy…and of coz, nothing can be compared to the intensity of emotions that the survivors feel…losing family and kin in this way is really devastating. I pray for strength in them….

God, please have mercy on us all!

47777km

Feeling very down the past two days. In the midst of welcoming new stuffs into my life, I’m saddened by what has happened in Japan. And I’m very worried. The nuclear plant has radiation leakage and they’re evacuating the people now. I pray that her people will survive this ordeal. It’s been very tiring and trying for them. To go through the dark moments, to lose the system of life they’ve been used to, to miss out their loved ones and family members. God, please be appeased……please stop the calamities befalling onto this world.

People said 2012 is the year that the world will end. We all know this world is sick, with all the hunger for power, greed for money and fame, absurd mentalities, warpy mindsets, evil and wicked hearts…but surely, God can interfere right??? This is chaotic.

God, please help the Japanese. Please help this lovely nation. Please bless her people…..