Being an INTJ, it just seems so easy for me to put away my emotions, switch it off like a robot, focus on my tasks and duties, fulfil my responsibilities and putting in my best according to my faith and belief. It certainly seems so easy. Well, after the hectic period, I am glad to have my time back once more.
I realise, I miss Yukie Nishimura’s music compositions so much! I have several of her albums, and I can just play them over and over again! In the process of listening to them, I can’t help but feel that time is a reflection of cruelty. I want to expedite my tasks, but with that, time will fly, and when time passes so fast, wouldn’t that signify I am ageing fast as well?… This is such a dilemma. God sure knows my greatest weakness. Am I able to withstand the test of time?
There is much more to my life I believe. But at the same time, it’s quite tough to walk the unseen path. I would say that right now, I am still wondering and wandering. Maybe I have a kind of idea. Maybe I don’t. Maybe my ideas are interconnected. I am not sure. I certainly don’t like to be bored. I take calculated risks, and at times, I do take risks of any kind. It’s not quite like me, since I am not supposed to be a ‘feeling’ person.
When I was young, my mum brought me to her mahjong friend’s house. This friend had a young daughter who was short, fat and a bully. I would play with the other kids and her when I was there. But I certainly disliked her when she started to bully her playmates. It wasn’t about her built I disliked. It wasn’t about her height either. It was her mannerisms and attitudes towards relations with people. She’s simply awful. As she was younger than most of us the young kids, we didn’t want to whine to our mothers or ask for help. Neither did we play rough with her since she’s a girl and she’s a young one. We made a very good decision, of which each of us (except the bully) was game enough for it. We stopped playing. We stopped touching her toys, we stopped talking to her, we stopped circling around her, we left her room. It wasn’t a loss to us at all since we didn’t have a good time playing with her. We weren’t that hard-up for a playmate either, since most of us were very friendly and jovial kids. It’s easy to make friends, and hence it didn’t bother us that we chose not to play in her house. Haha, it did bother her! I still remember the scene when she came crying from her bedroom, that no one wanted to play with her. Hahaha, we were just paying her back in her own coin. Why on earth must we subject ourselves to nasty playmates? It’s not as if we couldn’t survive on our own, and not as if that playmate is the centre of our universe.
I guess, this incident affected and influenced my mentality a lot. Especially with respect to how I handle situations and relationships in life. I am thankful for this incident, because incidents happen for a reason. I believe that no one should behave in a lousy manner just because he/she is from a privileged or underprivileged background. We have seen how some rich people behave as if they own the world, and in a similar manner, we have also seen how some others behave as if the world owes them a living. It’s strange. I wonder, when will these people reach enlightenment?
Do you just want to pass time watching trains go by? If I am younger, I will think, wow, this is such a romantic thought, watching the trains go by with my beau by the side of the track, going for a nature walk, listening to the chirping of the birds. Yes, this is still a romantic thought to me, LOL. But hullo, now at this age? I would be happy if I can find the time to buy my train tickets and plan for my journeys. Don’t we all have plans in life? I believe that in my sunset days, I will want to pass time just watching trains go by…but only for some days, not all the time, I am not that lazy and shaking legs.
An idea. Some stuffs are nice enough just as an idea. For an instance, it’s a nice idea to have an LED-lighted cubic chair in my house. Apart from this being a nice idea, is there any value-add to my house?…hmmm… Much too often, we fall into a trap, an idealised trap. Set by ourselves and perpetuated by the participants. We might be edged on by some who may not have chosen to tell us the truth right from the start, for fear of pouring cold water onto our idealised situation. At times I wonder, is that hallucination? When one refuses to see the truth, and yet insists on seeing a thought that is not in existence? I think, this is dangerous, for when will one know whether he/she is in the rightful realistic world. The future that this person sees may not be the same as what we see of this person. We could be seeing someone walking along the streets smiling gleefully, when all along, this person is seeing himself walking down the red carpet getting ready to receive a prestigious award……isn’t this scary when the worlds we see and perceive don’t match with each or one another?
At this point, I would like to highlight once again that, Vincent van Gogh’s art pieces represent a big part of me…the worlds we all live in.
Happy balloons. Do you see the tip of the tentage?……
Or, do you see only balloons?
Like is always easier as there’s no need for me to tolerate nonsense. Love is harder as I must like ALL about the person, including his hairstyle and shape of his face! (Not to mention his intelligence and all other important aspects as well)