I think I’m just interested in stuffs that aren’t common. Somehow, the items I get most prob will just stop production thereafter. Why? I don’t know hahaha…but heaving a sigh of relief, that means there will be a limited number of people getting the same item as me. The last I ever want is a replica of what I like or love. I rather choose the path less taken than the path that is being travelled by many. Perhaps, I find no kick in taking the usual path. I don’t mind hardship. I like the process…including smelling the flowers, though I might encounter irritating obstacles in between.

Can’t a man and a woman just be friends? Be just normal platonic friends? Why must people have this weird and irritating notion that if I behave in such a way, I must be interested in you???…Can’t people just talk and converse freely? Can’t we also have BFF with people of the opposite sex? I used to grow up with male friends, and I do like the kind of bond developed as a result. I might be naive, but I really would like a good brother. Someone whom I can look to for guidance and advice and shelter. Hahaha. That’s too much and unrealistic in this real world I think?

I would like to think that platonic friendships do exist….unfortunately, this world seems to be much harsher than what I thought…

Different phase of life. I could be a late bloomer? 🙂


Wearing light, feeling light?

Spent some time to read. Very confused.

I think, this set of attire (floral dress with long sleeved cardi) is best teamed with the pair of light-weighted boots I bought in Japan.

Perhaps there are other issues for me to settle and resolve here. When attention is divided, I have difficulty in remembering. Maybe there are too many things on my mind. My head is heavy today. I drove with a bad headache. And I couldn’t sleep immediately!

Daily household chores. Daily cooking. I don’t like to eat out. Fishball noodles in foodcourt don’t taste nice anymore. I can cook it even better than them.

Weekly laundry. Weekly packing. I like my place to be in order, not messy.

I like space.

The fat issue is still on my mind.

My Space My Self

Something happened recently that set me thinking. To think deeply. To think seriously.

I don’t have enough time. Time for myself. Time for my immediate loved ones. Time for my friends.

How would I then have time to be committed to so many?????

I can’t. At least, for these few years, I can’t. I realize, that people just expect you to make time for them, when they feel like it, when they have time for you. I have learnt that in a previous relationship, and I won’t handle or accept any such similar encounter. I have 1001 things to do. I don’t like to verbalise my commitments and constraints to people. Perhaps, that’s one of the reasons why some people have previously thought that I don’t value them. Just because I don’t verbalise enough for them to understand me.

I am not a superwoman. But that doesn’t mean that I laze around and do nothing much.

My days are packed with so many activities, so many commitments. I think God knows me well. Very well. He knows that I can’t handle too much, that’s why He gives me a heart with focus. He knows that I can’t handle too much, that’s why He places events to happen at different points of my life.

I need me-time BADLY. Since mid-Dec till now, I haven’t been having my quality and quantity me-time. I feel suffocated. I just don’t have enough time!

I won’t be ready for anything else apart from my main bulk of focus. I am very determined to complete what I have decided on.

Do I feel sad? Well……in a way, yes. Just that i want so badly to focus on what I have set myself out to do. Because I have missed that for a decade! I’m not going to let another decade pass by without doing what I have been wanting to do. So badly!

I just don’t want to talk about this. I’m just too used to not verbalise.

What’s the point of saying, clarifying, explaining?
If people don’t see your point, they never will.
If they do, there’s not even a need for me to say, clarify and explain.
I am tired. I don’t want to go through the whole process again. Just the thought itself, terrifies me. Yea, there’s something wrong with me. I am extremely scared of losing myself, losing my time, losing my freedom.

I don’t want my dreams to recur. Those dreams of the lifts and rooms getting smaller and making me gasp badly for breath…I really cannot handle. Maybe in my alternate world, I was being locked up in a super tiny place? Maybe in my previous life, I was being killed in such a way? Maybe……? This dream intensified in the past decade. I haven’t been having such dreams for 2 plus years. I am not suitable to be emotionally and physically tied.

I want my space my self.

P.S. I don’t even have time to play any game! Oh well….!

Sent from my iPad

Missy Lacey

Got all my laces and frilly tops/bottoms from Taiwan. So happy to be there. I enjoy Taiwan so much more than HK!!!! The people there are so nice, kawaii, cultured, civilized! Ya, I don’t like those boorish ones. I don’t like people who talk loudly. I don’t like people who talk as if they own the whole world and everyone else owes them a living. I like people who speak with strength, not with a prideful self. I like people who speak from their heart. I like people who feel from their heart, for others and for the betterment of themselves and others around them. I don’t like people whose live only center around themselves, that they are the best, everyone else is lousy, they are the beauty, everyone else is a beast, they are the fun ones, everyone else is a bore. LOL. I see plenty of such people around, all along. Of coz, thank God, I’ve also encountered equally great amount of people who are really very very nice…

I am not a competitor. I’ve never like to compete with anyone. Since young, I always dread those times when my teacher selected me to participate in competitions of various kinds. I always have this weird mindset, that I don’t want. If there is anyone I would compete, that would be against me myself. But this me myself is just too lazy…I rather smell the flowers, look at the sky, think of rainbow! Why must I blindly follow others just because that’s what they want of me? I only do things for what I believe in. With my whole heart. Nothing but the truth of my heart. If I don’t believe in it, I would never even put a step forward. I don’t believe in wasting my energy. Energy conservation is always a part of me. Since young. My parents don’t leave an entire troop of lights on in different rooms when we aren’t even in the rooms. We conserve. And I believe in conservation and protecting and caring for our environment. I believe that we should all do our part, do not litter! So what there are cleaners cleaning the rubbish up for us? That doesn’t mean we make their lives more difficult by throwing litter and more on the ground. Take public toilets for example. I am appalled and disgusted by the way people treat items for public use. Does it mean that if the things don’t belong to you, you would not care about them?…… To say the truth, I have no idea what goes on in the minds of such people. If I want to dwell on the spiritual sense, these are the not highly evolved beings…basically, it doesn’t matter what type of qualification you have. You can be a high flyer, a scholar, etc…but someone who doesn’t care about others around you. This is self-centeredness.

I used to think, perhaps I’m being too self-righteous here, too idealistic, too prim and proper…coz some beings did think of me as that. And I actually felt so bad about myself in the process, thinking that I was bad to be self-righteous….Thank God, I have come to know many people who also have similar sense of righteousness…okie, I am not odd. We all care about our environment and people 🙂

Cheers 🙂 Yippee!!!!

Color Blocks

Trying to add different colors to my wardrobe. Colors that I don’t usually wear. I’m not that traditional in colors. I like lime green, yellow, orange, fuschia…though such colors aren’t that easy to mix and match, I will try my best.

Received a piece of elated news. Thank God! Praise God! My years of prayer for this have finally turned well. Yes I am in awe. I’m super happy. Because I know that, since that fateful (faithful) day I accepted Christ when I was in P5, I have absolute trust in God that this day will arrive, well and with love. I am very very glad. This is a joy. The first joy I have this year. And most prob, more to come? 🙂

Okie, prayers really work. I have no doubt. That’s why I am very careful about what I’m praying for. I believe that God hears every prayer and word we utter. I don’t want to trouble God over frivolous prayers, of which He could have channeled his resources to help those who are really in need. Neither do I want to be an ungrateful brat, who simply wants God to fulfil my wishes just in the way I want, with no regards to other people’s feelings etc. Yes, I’m very mindful. I treasure prayer time and prayer requests. For this year, I have yet to really sit down and think about my prayers. I know that a number of things are going to be fulfilled over these few years. I am thankful. Very thankful. But at the same time I need to deal with my ‘self’ I really have alot more to learn in life. People see me as wise, sensible and steadfast. I am in a way, but I also have my failures as well. I am not all perfect, life is not that smooth sailing as well…but I thank God for blessing me with a spirit of fightfulness.

I am glad that things are flowing in place…and that gladness…I am in awe of the Almighty. The works that go on.

On a more frivolous note now, I have been gaining ‘fats’. Why use the word ‘fats’? Hohoho, because I don’t really see a noticeable increase in my weight per se, but I do see a chubbier ME! 😀 and as usual, such fats like to appear at inappropriate and unsightly places. Huff!

Ok, I’ve been so busy and exhausted, that the fact I can still new fats accumulating is such a miracle. LOL……

Peach cardigan, white top and blue pants

I guess I look more like a rugged gal in this way. Do I always look tough and not a damsel in distress? Which one is better?… Well, it’s not about being these, we’re more or less dual roles. In front of our kids, our parents, basically, those we care so much and too much, we have to be tough, so that they don’t worry for us, so that they aren’t affected by whatever we feel…More often than not, I’m just so used to this side of me, that I wonder, really wonder…am I so tough after all? Am I born to be tough???…

I believe, never to let anyone bully myself. We can’t expect anyone to stand up for us, if we don’t stand up for ourselves. Enough of reasoning that we’re weaker, someone is stronger…blah blah blah…yes, I can’t deny that there would be 1001001 people who are stronger. Does that mean we have to accept things as they are? No. There are always different ways to solve a problem, to handle a situation. The main issue is us, we are the obstacles. Our mind.

Time just flew past! This long weekend is over! 😦 Arghh…!!!! So now, we’ll be plunged into several weeks of no-holiday-no-rest-n-relax long periods. Oh well! When is my next break? Should I really go on a trip, or should I just remain?…Tough choice. Why? Because I keep thinking of winter. And that winter is only in Hokkaido. I keep thinking of autumn. And that autumn is only in Hokkaido. Oh……!

When I was in Scotland in Year 2003, I thought I found heaven. Waking up to the cold morning breeze, foggy seas, cottage breakfasts, grazing sheep out in the greenery…I thought, that I could live there like forever…just like that. People were nice, friendly and warm. Not much distractions, except drinking and eating and walking. Lol. Do I need the distractions of the technology in this world? No, I don’t. I would be perfectly happy, just being out of the loud world.

Not everyone share the same thoughts, likes and dislikes. It’s very difficult to live with another person who doesn’t share your ideas and ideals. I find it equally tough, to let such part of me die and close my eye to merge with someone else’s dreams and ideals. I realise, I’m actually that much self-centered. I have no plans to give up my dreams and ideals. Never again. It seems so interesting that I have such an affinity with the number 10. Well, if I embark on my task next year, that would indeed be a 10 years late. Coz that was what I wanted to do, back in 2003.

Never gonna give u up, never gonna let u down, never gonna turn around and hurt u… By Rick Astley.

I will never give up on what I have set myself to do. God, please set me in focus.

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Gong Xi Gong Xi

This CNY is here way too soon. Barely can breathe! This year is Water Dragon. Hopefully this year is a good year for the world.

I cooked fishmaw soup as part of this year’s reunion dinner. I’m glad that my parents like it. I guess, when I’m cooking for people I love, the food tends to taste much nicer…hahaha…I’m happy, not stressed, that’s why 🙂

I realise, we’re all geeks. Perhaps that’s the joy we all share within the family. The youngest is pursuing her dream as well very soon. I’m glad for her, that she has decided her break, and not to let anything obstruct her way. 🙂 This itself is a motivation for me. All the more I won’t let my procrastination gets the better of me. Just do it! 🙂 Yeah!

Oh soon soon soon! I have a number of stuffs to look forward to this year. There are some things I need to rethink, some prayers to be made, some decisions to be reached, some ideas to be translated to reality. Sometimes, I do wonder…had I completed my HRM specialisation back then, what job would I be holding??? Seriously, I can’t imagine myself working in the corporate business world. I’ve tried…the closest I can relate is working in the law firm. Apart from that, working in finance dept give me headache. Perhaps, I just don’t like the type of people there. The type of people associated with finance, accounts, business.

Jan has been whisking, and I haven’t had the time to plan, decide and pray properly. How can I allow time to just slip away like this? Ah……I have the urge to just be in the country I like. Nothing is impossible, that’s what I always believe in. Just that it all takes time…and no way am I going to be distracted or obstructed from my goals now. It is very clear to me, at least for these few years.

Yeah, Dragon…Snake…Horse…Goat…! Just nICe! (^_^)

A pinafore or a dress?

I can still rem my earlier uni days in NTU. Those days I had plenty of energy. It’s amazing. Equally amazing is that now I’ve lost such energy. What I want to do each day is: Back to my cozy nest and sleep! (of coz I have to complete all my various tasks and duties first, I’m not like those who said I shake legs.) In life, not all things will go your way. So when it does not, we can choose to either wallow or make the best out of it. I see some changes in my approach. Approaches in life. Towards people, towards my ideals, towards reality, towards desires. Must we really take things so seriously? For instance, my brown floral dress is a dress. But I can use that as a pinafore dress as well. Double images 🙂 Who says a dress must remain a dress forever? It just depends on which angle you’re seeing it from.

Mind is in a twirl. End of the day is always bad for me. Maybe these few months I might become slimmer. Earlier today, I saw some of my 2010 photos. Oh gosh…I looked so much slimmer and nicer in those : ( Somehow, I ballooned last year. Oh well…

Is yellow not a color for my skin undertone? I like yellow and green. Oh I miss the open fields!!!!!

Pink and Black

Okie, is black the in-color for me this year? Maybe I look fatter than last year, so subconsciously my brain sends signals to my eyes: Look at the black one, choose that! Ya, and so I look for the darker colors to wear, and shun the lighter shades…

Perhaps I just want to try different things. Do things in a different way. Be alternate voice. Don’t walk straight. Don’t drive straight. For the former I might feel giddy if I walk in circles hahaha! For the latter, I’ve been doing that these days, and I enjoy it. Especially when I’m cruising in the highway, I find the swaying right exhilirating. Hahaha, cheap thrill? But it’ll be expensive if some blur king just swerves into your lane…

Each night before I sleep, I just can think of only two words, ‘Very tired!’ Seems that my time has been gainfully occupied throughout.

Was just reflecting upon what happened last year. Or rather, more specifically, the prayers that were answered. Our prayers for a big, cheap and good place were being answered. This was God-given. Now…we just have to focus on our subsequent prayers. Hmmm……am I sure that I am ready, that we are ready?

Can I just pray for health, safety and wealth?… 🙂