Topic on Love and Care

My parents love me. Just because they nag at me even for the simplest thing in life, I’ve no doubt of their love for me. Many people grow up detesting their parents for their constant nagging, constant thrashing, constant fiddling. I don’t know whether these people doubt the love from their parents. It depends on the personal quality of the person. One who always look at himself/herself internally will try to understand the deeper intentions. One who always look out for people’s flaws will always lament at the slightest hint of such nagging and deem this as interference in his/her life.

My sample size needs not be large. I’m not looking out for quantitative analysis. I’m not a seller for products. Rather, where values, beliefs, behaviour and attitude are concerned, qualitative analysis might be a more dependable understanding of the society. That being said, superb observation is very important.

When I said, drink your water, someone thought I was being authoritative.
When I said, don’t be out too late, someone thought I was holding on to my control stick.
When I said, walk carefully, someone thought I didn’t trust the person to be able to walk down the path. When I said, it’s your choice, someone thought that I couldn’t care much more.
When I asked, have you taken your meal, someone thought I was checking on whether the person took a meal with someone else.
When I asked, what do you want, someone thought I was irritated and just wanted to get things done and over with ASAP.

If a person always wants to find flaws with you, there’ll always be flaws with you. And such a person will not be accepting of these flaws, be it whether they are in existence or not. I am of low EQ. And I don’t use flowery language. So when I meet people who view the world using the same pair of lenses as to how they think others view of themselves in a negative manner, there’ll be existence of doubts. Because they simply couldn’t comprehend and accept that there are people who really are true and genuinely care for their loved ones. Since this doesn’t fit into their concept of how this world is being ran, they condemn people who are true and genuinely care for their loved ones.

It pained me when my loved ones fell sick and especially when one has sore throat. I always have sore throat, painful ones, and I definitely don’t want people whom I love to also develop painful sore throats like me. Hence I said, drink your water (because I care).

Things may happen. Especially when out late at night, more dubious characters appear. More drunkards, more troublemakers. I definitely wish for my loved ones to be safe and sound, not to toy with life, and hence I said, don’t be out too late (because I care).

I’ve seen people trip and fall. And i myself fell down the escalators with blood dripping from the three big holes created on my leg. It was a painful time and horrible period of recovery. I didn’t want my loved ones to ever encounter such a pain. Hence I said, walk carefully (because I care).

I believe in being given choices and making choices. And i respect the decision made with the choice, regardless of how silly the decision might be, how ridiculous the effect might be, as long as it’s non life-threatening, I support the decision. Hence I said, it’s your choice (because I care about what you want at that point in time).

I love food. But somehow when i’m busy and concentrating on my tasks, i’ll miss my meals. This resulted in the development of gastrics and sometimes, giddiness. I don’t want my loved ones to skip their meals just like me. Hence I asked, have you taken your meal (because I care about whether my loved ones have enough energy).

I don’t mind just doing what my loved ones enjoy doing, because what matters most is the time spent and not the activity. Hence I asked, what do you want (because I love to spend time with my loved ones).

In a family, I don’t doubt my loved ones. I’ve never once wondered whether their words have any hidden agenda. Why? Because a family loves, cares, shares and embraces.

Sadly not every one sees things the same way. Some bring the concept of competition into their family lifestyle, and with that, family becomes work-related, about KPIs and achievements, about wants and needs, about dealings and transactions, about profit and loss, about benefits and disadvantages…

Oh well, that’s not my family.

It is a pretty fanciful sight seeing bubbles floating around, very dreamy, but I choose to wake up, because this is my life. Sent from my iPhone

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Topic on Jealousy

Using a cool blue for this photo. I think, the blue tone gave me an eerie feel…*shrugs*

I used to know of someone who displayed weird torturing methods towards insects such as cockroaches. Ok, I know they are pests, and ought to be exterminated. But it certainly bothered me a great deal when I witnessed how this person grabbed this cockroach, and held it to the fire, burning it. It was a horror scene for me, not to mention that it was extremely disturbing. I took no pleasure in killing pests. I just see it as a necessity to get rid of them. But not in a sadistic manner. I don’t know how this person feels about such acts of torture. Perhaps this person is so used to torturing that it doesn’t seem that such act is not a norm. Well, just like when no one tells you that not washing up after a meal/drinking is plain lazy, I’m sure that there’s bound to be some bum who will indeed leave the plates and cups by the sink, leaving others to clear up the mess. Doesn’t this sound very much like how a person will apply this same set of behaviour to relationships and career?

If I behave in a lousy manner, I want my parents to correct me and guide me in improving on my behaviour, setting me to the right track. I don’t think I will feel happy to know that they’ve simply swept away my lousy manners and behaviour under the carpet. In life, isn’t it all about learning and improving on self? Of course, I do know of people who definitely differ from my view. And I am so glad, that my surrounding friends and family are of similar view. I strongly believe in ‘we are what we attract’. And hence those who differ too much from us will eventually disappear from our life. It’s not good to mix with people of different moral values and beliefs from oneself. Knowing such as acquaintance is enough, but I guess, that should be just all, as they will spread their negativity to others.

The topic on Jealousy.
When I went on a trip, someone wasn’t happy.
When I went on subsequent trips, someone decided that I was being selfish and conceited.
I definitely did not understand this whole notion of unhappiness. Was it stemming right out of jealousy? Going on a trip was my own decision and dream. Do I have to stop making my own decisions and stop having my dreams just because someone was not happy that I had the chance to make my own decision and build my own dream? This world doesn’t stop for anyone, and I definitely learn this in a hard way. Hard it may be, but to me, it’s better late than NEVER. I don’t understand a lot of things. Just like I don’t understand why girls like to go to toilet in pairs. When I was in school, my happiest time was when I had the chance to go to toilet, alone! Hahaha…to me, that was freedom…in a sense.

Jealousy. When my capabilities were being appreciated, someone fell into dark moments. When opportunities were being presented to me, someone wondered why I had such a good luck charm. I never asked for more things. I merely did things that I liked and out of boredom, my energy level increased surprisingly, and hence I had the opportunity to do what I enjoyed. I never took any opportunity and I have always been true to my conscience, that I didn’t want to betray my soul. It’s so easy to have an easy life. But is that me in this life?

Jealousy. I buy things for people I love and care very much. But I stopped buying for those who criticised my purchases, or asked me for my purchases. My father loves me a lot and he is one whom I love a lot, and he never once has asked me for his birthday present and such. I totally couldn’t comprehend how some people can actually demand for their share. I am a giver, willing to give willingly, because I give to people whom I love and care about. But when such was being demanded, as a giver, I became disillusioned, and decided to distance myself from such, so that I can continue to be a giver to others who are humble and not obnoxious.

It’s easy for me to set a distance. Because I am an observer. By nature.

一种米养百种人. Is there such a saying? I definitely don’t eat the same type of rice as those people mentioned above. 我不吃粗饭,也不吃软饭。

Jealousy breeds unhappiness. And forever, this will be the root that stays there…because it runs in the blood.

My dream: Merging with reality!

White and peach

When I am super busy, I don’t really have the desire to dress up. Just want to don some easy blouses and bottoms and let’s set off! Don’t want to think so much, plan so much, but more of let’s just do it.

A country I hope I’ll get to visit…Sweden. Don’t know when…maybe when I’m old…in my 50s…hmmm…

How true…? I see no clear direction. Just go with the flow, trust the motion of going with the flow. With no direction?…Once again, this sounds scary. But I think in my life, there have been many times that God places me in these situations…these routes…and I can’t figure out the directions. Hahaha, how ironic it is, because in my reality, I always know how to get to a place. My directions are always clear. Yet in such situations, I’m quite clearly directionless. Bohoho.

Very tired. Maybe I’m in serious lack of sleep. Good deep sleep? But I do have such sleeps, at least twice per week. So what’s wrong?…

Anyway, the topic about sleep makes myself boil…with disgust at how some people can view you as one who only likes to sleep WITHOUT ever being in your shoes. Really, who are these minions? Who are they to open their mouth and criticise you without seeing that they themselves simply cannot have a peaceful sleep?

When one can’t sleep well, it’s usually due to a number of reasons, mainly stress. Stress is self-induced, I do agree with this. Stress from which area? Maybe spouse, kids, career, parents, friends, hidden agenda…something could be bothering a person. And hence the person cannot sleep in peace. Hmmm…I sleep in peace, not that I am without any worries in life, but mainly because God knows my heart. And I am glad, because God is good. And most importantly, God provides me with the values I adhere to in my life.

My dream: Merging with reality!

Formal Grey OL

Argh. Grey is one of the colors I like. But when I wear it in this way, I kinda feel very down with such a color. Well well well, it’s that time of the year, end of the year, and our weather is turning colder. With such cold air, my heart also seems colder. (?)

Started on two dramas that I like. One is a reflection of reality, the other is just plainly psychotic hilarious. Watching drama doesn’t require much processing skills. Haha. Ok, I do feel happy when one says I am intelligent. I am not exactly a model student. And I believe in being smart and intelligent. Can I be both?…NO???…O_o

Anyway, I don’t want to use too much of my brains now. I keep getting headache towards the end of the day. Maybe I’m in need of some stimulant, food???? Heeheehee…

My dream: Merging with reality!

Top with lace sleeves + Yellow skirt

One from Blogshop, another from Lowrys Farm. As usual.

A promise made in the past, is a promise that was in the past. Hey, do people seriously think much of their promise these days? Most of the time, people seek instant gratification and everything will either be completed right on the spot, or made the next day. When would people say, ok, we’ll do this and that…and really see it through???

No, I’m still one of those remaining few who remember and carry out my promises. As such, I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. When things are smooth, all things seem fine, and we are happy. When things hit some rocky paths, suddenly the world crashes, and hidden agenda pop out, and we fall out. Yeeks, that’s not the world I want to live in. Call me naive, idealistic, whatever, I may not be perfect, but does that mean I give up on myself towards the path of achieving that? I won’t ever be perfect, but I don’t want to use that as an excuse to fall short of that. Even if by doing so makes you feel lousy, I’ll never give up on myself doing what I should strive towards.

Some people just like to drag people down, and hindering others from achieving their full potentials. When things go well for others, they don’t feel happy. They don’t feel good of themselves, and thus claim that others make them feel lousy. We all know, no one can make you feel lousier than you ever make that to be of yourself. It’s alright to dwell and lament once in a while, it’s not alright when you end up not feeling happy for your close ones. Seriously, don’t you think it’s amiss when you don’t feel happy for people? Especially for people whom you ought to be close to, and love???

I know of such people, and that’s why in the end, when i realise that of themselves, I steer away from them. FAR FAR away. I’m always thankful that I’ve been inculcated with the set of values that encourages me to feel happy for my loved ones. Of course, when times are tough, or I get emo, I’ll lament why I am still here…haha…but I know my responsibility. I guess my teachers all along have seen that I’m such a highly responsible person that despite my ‘quiet’ nature, they’ll always nominate me to be the prefect…and yea, whenever I read my teachers’ testimonials of me, I’m thankful to them…for using their hearts to knowing me. In this world, we’ve been seeing increasing number of people who only prefer to see things on the surface. That I love you, I must buy gifts for you every day. That I miss you, I must text you every hour of my life. That I care for you, I must explain all my actions to you. That I want you, I must spend all my available time with you. Ok, that’s queer to me. But maybe that’s what the society wants, that’s what I see from dramaland. That we must proclaim this and that, whenever we do anything.

It’s just so easy to focus on the main actors and forget about the backstage helpers.

Love and hate are not opposites. When there is love, there’s no hate. When there is no love, there’s no hate. When there’s hate, there’s no love. When there’s no hate, there’s no love.

Confused?…LOL

My dream: Merging with reality!

Cheap $10 top from Cotton On

Yup, I am not really into this fashion with the wavy ends of a top, hence decided to purchase something that doesn’t cost a lot. It’s dark blue, almost black and I am happy. Why? Because it reflects the mood I am. Surrounded by dark clouds. Which made me wonder when I can really snap out of such emotions. Am I being emotional? I hope not. Because there are some things that I really shouldn’t be affected at all. But why did I choose to be? I guess, I am not a robot after all. I can’t just switch off.

Procrastinating. I just switched back to Jdrama. And seriously, I cannot find home better than this. Yes, I laughed and cried with Kdrama. I enjoyed the shows thoroughly, along with the eye candies I like, hahaha. Still, nothing satisfied me more than the land of the rising sun. I also wonder……my heart has not left the place yet. After all these years. Oh, and I feel sad, because I miss the place very very much. I know that I’ve been trying to pack other stuffs into my life, hopefully I can just forget. Where my heart lies. It isn’t hard for me to do that. Only problem is, eventually, I have to face that my feelings have never left that place. Hmmm….

Another few years to go. Is it so hard to wait it out? Sometimes, I am just scared that when I eventually reach there, that’s not the sight I want!…

Scary thought.

Would that really be me? Usually, when I like something, I don’t end up not liking it. Maybe I just cannot believe what I feel.

My dream: Merging with reality!

The feeling that I recognise

I wonder, how do others really feel? Apart from my close group of friends, how do the others really feel?

Are things fantastic? No.
Do you encounter fake people? Yes.
Do you get bad moments? Yes.
Do you encounter lousy behaviour? Yes
Are people not practising what they preach? Yes.
Do they really have friends? I wonder.

Eventually, I feel so sick. And I am sick of myself knowing such. I am an idealistic person. Why shouldn’t I adhere to my ideals? Why should everyone just blindly follow and chase after things that we can’t bring to the Lord??? I don’t feel happy seeing such mindless pursuits.

My dream: Merging with reality!

Living in the DARK

I wonder, whether some people are just living in the dark, with their own perceived mindset of how this world is, what society should become…and such. I couldn’t understand why people have evolved to be enriched with a certain type of mindset that seems so warp and rid of affection. What gives people the right to view others in such a way, just because you aren’t the same as me, just because you don’t live in the same type of housing like me, just because you don’t study to get the same education as me, just because you don’t have the privilege to mix with certain people like me, hence I’m superior than you?…Absolute warp mindset. Who says that we have to be clones? Who says that being educated is a better being? Who says that being rich is a better being? Who says that being in a certain social status is a better being? A person can be super rich super talented super educated super sociable…but is a terrible person with lowly moral values, lousy habits.

First thing, being educated doesn’t mean that the person is clever. We can look around us, how many ‘clever’ people do we really see? Clever people don’t go around shouting that, hey I’m a so-and-so graduate, I invented such-and-such gadget, LOOK AT ME, everyone!

It’s the same thing as some people claimed that they are the better being, because they are capable of doing the following things: cook, wash, sweep, mop etc. Wahahaha. Do they know that they are replaceable? Similarly, those who think they are capable because they can provide material needs for certain type of people, perhaps need to review their state of lalaland. They are equally replaceable. If not, they can just be manipulated to give more in the long run.

It’s interesting to see these varieties of mindsets. At the end of the day, I wonder, are these people truly happy with the way they are, truly happy caring for people around them, truly happy living their day to day life?

Of course, it does kill my brain cells and waste my energy to even wonder. I certainly like it better when I recognise truly happy people in my life. To clarify, being truly happy doesn’t mean that the person’s life is a bliss. It simply means that the person sees happiness in all parts of the life, even when the darkest storm hits the shore, the person still finds happiness in the midst of working through it all. A truly happy person will never blame God or anyone or anything for putting trials and tribulations in his path. It’s always so easy for people to say that I am not happy because so and so did this or did not do that. Ok, stop putting the blame onto another person. Start taking responsibility for yourself. Now.

My dream: Merging with reality!

Messy and Dark: Reflective

Easiest to wear, no need to think too much, no mood to look nice anyway.

I miss the friends I knew at UOB. Those were fun times. Unfortunately, I didn’t really keep friends in the past. I was used to having friends, but not keeping friends. Being highly adaptive has cons. I didn’t recognise the need to maintain friendships then.

But thank God. Over the many years, He allowed me to meet good people, make new friends and learn to be a friend. I don’t know where my path will take me to. I want to explore, but when is my time?

I’ve been awake for almost 22 hours now. I love solitude, though sometimes I feel guilty of that. I really cannot imagine not having any personal lone time. That’s too scary a thought to me. Now? I even want to travel alone. I like to explore on my own. Take my time. Enjoy. I think, few people can really understand that.

I’m so sick of my hair now. But I still have to wait for my recovery. Maybe I should just get a bob style. Well……

Time presents a dilemma to me. I wish for it to go faster, whereas at the same time, if it goes faster I’ll feel upset. Sigh. Hard to get the best of both worlds?

My dream: Merging with reality!