I love tights n tunics!

Ok, I can’t deny that once in a while, I do feel v conscious of my big thighs while in tights or leggings. Lol

This time is bad. I don’t like this feeling. I like to be up and about. I dislike this feeling 😦 😦 😦

Hallucinations?

Hope to channel my energies to greater stuffs next year onwards. Maybe this period of rest is for me to rethink what I should do w my excessive energies next time. I’ve been conserving them, for what purpose? I need to find the paths.

Okie, I’ll think. Rethink. Redesign. Reemerge 🙂

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Cardigans!

I realise that I have an amount of cardigans. I need them, as I’m not that used to wearing just tank itself. It’s just me 😦 I’m just wired this way. In fact, I used to think that the twin sets by the Japanese fashion were nice. Well…maybe my sense of fashion is really out of the norm here…hmmm…

I think that when you love, you’ll just love without holding back…even if it seems to be some sort of fairy tale, you’ll also want to live that out. Someone asked me, why must I set myself a time? Well, I haven’t been setting one in the past, and thus I want to set one for now. I don’t know how it’s gonna be achievable, or I’m just simply still in lala-land. Sigh. Actually, my heart is just that. Why do I keep being distracted? It’s just plain simple.

I hate the attack of the heat. That sore throat 😦 It’s really my perpetual problem. And to have that two times within a month, is really bad. Perhaps I did go against the natural flow of events. Perhaps I really did wilfully. Well……

Weekends are very precious to me. I need them alot. Not for sleeping but in fulfilment of stuffs I enjoy doing. My friend said I had a nice tan. Nice orangy tan. 🙂 Maybe I should go to the beach more often. I love the sand and the morning sun!

I really don’t like darkness. I don’t like the afternoon sun either. I like the smell of the early morning with the sun and the dew. The birds chirping. All these make me happy. Crazy? Ya, maybe. Nonsense? Ya, never mind.

The one thing I really miss is: the sight of the mountain right in front of me. Am I gonna wait for many more years?

Well…let’s see how things go…I shall go with the flow? As God will…

Light denim blue top from a Japanese label

I got this top from a shop in HK selling some Japanese labels. However, I would much prefer to get it from Japan instead as the selection is much better and less weirder. I find HK fashion very weird. And though many people see it as one of the fashionable hippy countries, I beg to differ. Maybe it’s not my cuppa tea. I don’t like to be the blind following the blind. I just can’t say “Oh, that’s nice!” when it’s utterly not. It’s so hard to betray myself. This doesn’t mean that I go around putting things down. I seek improvement, and if I do spend effort to tell you the areas to improve or be aware of, it means only one thing: I care.

Felt very down and affected. While it’s so easy to go with feelings and moments of excitement, how easy it is for many to forget the vow we’ve made. I might be one of them too. I don’t know. It’s just simply so easy to just adopt the BATA method. Especially when we’re such a fast-food generation…everything needs to happen instantly, be fast…be thrilled. If it’s not, just drop and go. It’s easy, isn’t it so?

Why am I affected?……we’re constantly evolving, and I am but one of the millions…billions…and so on. Frankly, I don’t want to put in any effort and concentration. If being together physically is not a definite, what makes people think that it works for LDR? There are so many thoughts and questions on my mind, will they ever be answered?

It’s sad to see some things. But I gather, that life is more than these. I just need a push factor, then off I will go. Perhaps drop and go. Why bother to think and think so much? Life is short, eat drink and be merry, shouldn’t that be the motto?

I want to fly but my self says no I want to dream but my self says no I want to get but my self says no Who’s this self? Is it me at all? Or maybe…I just want to take the easy way out.

Life’s tiring. It’s mind-boggling as well. I don’t want to keep thinking of ways to solve problems. I’m too tired of that. Can I achieve Nirvana, don’t think, don’t do, don’t move at all?……I’m really exhausted. I just don’t want todo anything. Anyway, if people think that you’re lazy or slacking, why is there a need to convince them otherwise? I really can’t be bothered, ah, whatever! I’m not perfect. I don’t expect others to be perfect. But what I don’t understand is, while others aren’t perfect, they expect you to be perfect. Duh!

I seek recluse. Why do I like metal suddenly? And strangely. Because this is actually such a cold place. With the exception of the hob and oven, the rest are just cold. And hence, metal is the exact concept I see right now.

Can things be done? What is God giving me? I don’t see it around anymore, does it mean that it’s gone? It’s being snapped up in a flash? 😦 I feel so sad. Maybe…this is really where my heart lies for the moment in time. It’s just like…how I feel for the place I love so much! Oh dear, I feel more for place than the people?……gosh!……

Departmental stores I like

How many departmental stores are there here? I don’t remember. But anyway, I love to shop at certain places only. Robinsons is one of the stores I love. It reminds me of a bit of the Marks n Spencer in London. I love the type of dresses they have, the British feel I get. I don’t mind wearing stuffs that looked misfit over here. I just don’t like to follow the trend. Obstinate? Yeah I am. Dare to be different? Yeah I dare. Since young, I’ve not wanted to conform. I always think, rules are meant to be broken, aren’t they? And I really hate it when I’m being forced to go with the trend. I don’t like it.

Was annoyed earlier on as certain events reminded me of how self- centred people are in the world. Or rather, the people in this part of the world. Why do I see lesser of the evils in The Land of the Rising Sun? Regardless how sincere they might be, at least it’s in their culture. For us, what’s this warp new-age culture, raising generations of selfish and ignorant skunks? What kind of pride do we have over here? Rotten pride. Tsk…tsk.

I like Handy-Mandy. Do up your own house, making home improvements and be house-proud. That’s what I want. The house, my place reflects my personality. I can be fussy towards certain things, but i’ll work my way through them to get what I want ultimately. It’s the place I would love so much. At this point in time, just thinking of the colors makes me happy enough 🙂 Well, I’ll push myself forward. This great spur of energy and freedom would be the pillars for my growth.

This dress from Coat’s was bought without fitting. And I’m just so lucky to be able to fit in by just missing a quarter inch or so. Hahaha! I’m really getting beefy 🙂 The years that I’ve spent earlier on in restricting and feeling guilty of eating were no longer a hindrance to my growth. I love to eat, and I don’t mind putting on some weight. Isn’t this a good thing in life? It’s just like I’m able to pursue my wants and desires without feeling guilty of achieving my dreams or being treated well. I am entitled to love my life, not guilty of my life.

For some, I’ll just say, ‘It’s none of your business.’

I love myself. And as most of my friends know…I really need plenty of me-time….

Like the precious pearls…one day I shall get a miki…

It’s my dream to be donned with pearls. I don’t care how some may want to say, I おばさん? Well, it’s fine with me to be called that, hahaha, I’m quite fine with it. Anyway, I love ageing gracefully. And to me, the Japanese lady is the one who does it so well. I am so glad that I realised this about myself. It’s very important for me to know where my heart lies. Now I get to understand why there are so many stuffs I didn’t get to share with some seemingly important people in my life earlier on. I hadn’t want, right from the start. But once I made a conscious decision, I would make sure that I made a conscious decision to stop too. I am too much aware of myself, my heart right now…it’s no use denying. No point to keep denying what I like, what I love, what I want, what I dream. I want to be me. The small young child I was. Right from my roots. Right from the start. My very happy self. My very cheeky self. My very cheerful self. My likes!

It’s so amazing. I don’t know how to explain how this is just so powerful. I wanna embrace this world. Of good and great people. Not all, hahaha! Shouldn’t I run forward? I have this urge of just placing myself there and be just there. No one can give me this happiness.

Maybe the winter here just makes this harder sometimes. I have to grit my teeth. It won’t be long. It’s in my plan. Hopefully, it’s in line with God too!

🙂 🙂 🙂

Candelicious

I look forward to every weekend and every public holiday. These are very precious moments for me. I feel stifled when I don’t get to do things I like and enjoy. Not that I love sweets or chocs so much, but I do like them alot! And yes, I can get kinda crazy over them, for some while. Lol

I think my facial sunscreen really works super well for me. Else I would have become a full-fledged ugly duckling…lol I like to be tanned but not as in chocolate. I like the reddish kind, tanned with the blushing tone. Just like Des. I would never get to that stage, because I wouldn’t want to be so tanned…it’s just so not me…ermm at least for the past 15 odd years?

But then, now I’m rather tanned…my love of the sea! I realise, I actually enjoy water alot. So liberating and fun!

Sigh…it’s such a long wait. I’m losing my direction…in a way. But no, I’ve to flip myself back. The process is so interesting and exciting. I wonder whether my heart can really take it. All these excitement.

Sometimes, I get to a stage where I just don’t want to comment at all, or suggest at all. What does it mean, that’s so un-you? What’s me? Definition of me…I can’t even really define myself…so what’s un-me?

Perhaps we are beings constantly in search of our identities. I’m evolving, I may have realised certain hidden things about myself. I may have decided to just go ahead with my likes and wants. I don’t like to conform. I don’t like to follow. I don’t like to just stick to the safest route just because it’s what most people are doing. I don’t want to go through the motions in life without the feeling. I feel very strongly for things. Likewise, I can be very unfeeling for certain things.

I’m quite of an extreme. I don’t like sitting on the fence and not taking side or making a stand. Of coz, this does not mean that I can’t sit on the fence. Who can’t? Simply close both eyes! 😀

Candelicious is a nice candy megastore in RWS. Not that fantastic, but better than none? Lol. Anyway, just for the moment, it satisfies my cravings 🙂

Such a beautiful dream!

I was totally blown away by the dream I had this morning. I didn’t realise, that the power of 思念 can be so strong. That it eats into my dreamland 😦 I’ve already decided to put this away…at least for somewhile…unless miracle really happens. Maybe at the back of my mind I’m thinking, if I just let such thoughts and feelings pass, I’ll feel much better eventually…

The thing with me is, I’m very focused and I don’t want to lose track of what and who is important to me. Right now, especially for the next 5 years. I don’t want to think of anything else but to solely concentrate and put in my best for my loved ones and dreams. The land of far far away. I just have to let go. I just have to. It’s heartwrenching for me, because I know if that makes it to my dream, it really signifies alot. Just like what happened many years ago…the recurring dream 😦 This round, it may not be a recurring dream, but clearly, I was so happy that I didn’t want to wake up at all. And when I woke up, I hurried back to sleep so that I could continue with it…I just wanted that feeling…those moments.

If I have just allowed it to happen without control, that wouldn’t be me, would that?

I don’t want to evolve till that way. It’s much too painful for me. I just want to be simple, happy and laughing.

I’ve decided on the color tone. I’ll be back to where my heart lies. It’s just me, so just me. And I know, I love it so.

Once upon a time: Part One

Once upon a time, a boy wrote me a story. He penned a story declaring his feelings for me and how hurt he was when I didn’t seem to reciprocate. He then went on to write poems, some cut-n-paste from some Chinese Literary Scholars and Poets. I was greatly amused. But most of all, I wondered, what had I done that made him behaved in such a way?

Once upon a time, a guy climbed up a long flight of stairs with me. He stood behind me all the while and I became kinda irritated. I wondered, there’s enough space for two at the same time, why must he be behind me? Out of exasperation and curiosity, I blurted out to him to walk right beside me instead. To which he confessed, ‘I want to stand behind you so that if ever you fall, I’m right behind to catch you.’ I was gladly surprised when he said that…but unfortunately, he wasn’t the one I desired at that moment in time.

Once upon a time, a guy came over to the hostel to find me. It was the major exams period. I was highly stressed. He told me he jogged from his hall to here as he was on the way. Hmmm…on the way? I didn’t really get what he meant. Anyway, he jogged at a very weird timing of the day, 11.30p.m. He asked me whether I wanted any supper. I told him no, because I wanted to revise and had no appetite for anything. But he insisted. And off he went to get my supper. Funniest thing about this incident was: He jogged all the way back to his hall to get my late night supper, and thereafter he cycled to find me. I guessed, he was a very confused soul. I was confused too. Because his friend kept asking me why he did that. How would I know?

Once upon a time, a guy told me this, ‘I’m going to San Francisco. What would you like me to get you?’ I looked at him and I told him there’s nothing I wanted. He insisted that I said something. But what could I say when there’s nothing I wanted? Maybe I should tell him then, ‘Take me with you!’ Hahaha. Anyway, he was there for a few weeks and when he came back, he really came back with a gift for me! I almost fell from my chair when he told me he wanted to meet me to give me something.

Once upon a time, a guy called me every now and then to ask me about the lectures we attended. The problem here was: I wasn’t the most conscientious student in the cohort. Neither was I the shining star nor potential valedictorian.

Once upon a time, a guy told me things that I felt weird…and asked my friend…things about me, that made her feel pissed to answer for me. He also asked questions that made his friend wondered what’s damn wrong with us. I got irritated, because I didn’t want to be involved in anything that many others see it as fun and wild and exciting. It was a bad time for me, because no one seemed to understand this part. Though we had very similar frequency, I decided that I wasn’t those who enjoyed the thrill of multi-tasking. I decided to go away. Leave me alone.

Once upon a time…there are many more…I guess, there are many choices I have had. But I never decided on any or make a stand on any. Or maybe, by the time I’m fully awake, I realised, that this once upon a time is in far far away land.

Once upon a time, I really had the best of time!

To be continued….

Polka and my jeans!

Haven’t been wearing my jeans for a good long time. Though it’s not my fav pair, it does make me look slim and fit haha. Slim? Do ALL people aspire to be slim? Can one be slim and fit at the same time?

Many people confuse slim with skinny. To them, skinny is akin to slim. So they keep dieting. I do agree with those who have to diet for obvious health reasons. But if one has to go through monstrous dieting for sole beauty purpose, I think, they’ve not loved themselves properly.

Will one be affected just because the partner made nasty comments about him/her? I don’t know. Maybe I’ve been too damn thick-skinned aka low EQ all along. I am not affected by such comments in any way. My dear sis said I’m too BHB. Lol. I do have those low moments. But such moments don’t seem to stay long in my life. They are just fleeting moments, or rather, fleeting seconds. Haha, maybe the longest only last a day, i.e. my PMS!

When it comes to relationships, it has never crossed my mind that the guy I like/love/have interest does not feel the same way for me. And thank God, so far, it has never happened negatively. Maybe that’s why I became BHB over time. I know where I stand. I can choose to forgo and likewise, I can choose. It depends on my mood? Wahaha, I’m such a water-sign. Am I?

All along, I’ve never though of really doing something for myself. It’s always about others and not me. I feel kinda sick of it. Especially when I look back and I saw, many things I’ve not done for myself! I’m gonna reclaim my stake in life, and with that, i become more conscious of my entire being. Life.

I watched Mega Mind and enjoyed it thoroughly. I can’t be bothered to convince, anyone. Whatever one wants to think, let it be it. Let that be me. I don’t care. Because I have my own objectives in life now. And that’s to restake my claim to my desires.

I’m a Phoenix and just like what a mentor said to Maggie Q, I’m that. I seek to prove to no one. But myself. And that strength is so hidden within me…the amount of energy is just damaging my body!

What I can do, I will not doubt. What I will do, I shall focus. What I focus on, I commit that to God.

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂