My love for Yellow :D

This photo says all. Haha. I am FAT!

Reminds me of a drama I watched, Rebound. Both the male and female lead characters were highly conscious of their obesity and appearance, so much so that they would go through numerous hardships, such as forgoing their meals, their favourite food, and taking pills that rid themselves of appetite. To me, that’s sad. Sad not in terms of their relationship, but sad in terms of their lives. What’s the enjoyment then?

I like people who enjoy food. Coz I me myself love food and love to eat. My favourite? Laksa with cockles!!!! Hmmmm………yummy! And it’s even more ็พŽๅ‘ณใ—ใ„ when I topped them with otah!

Sadly, these few days I’ve been very very sick. And fish porridge is my available yummy food, apart from white bread ๐Ÿ˜ฆ well, I’ll get to eat the dishes once I’m better right? Only this time round I have to make sure I stop eating stir-fry liver with belachan and sesame oil. This combination is lethal for my throat. If I can recall, I fell sick each time after I have taken this dish. But somehow, I can’t just pass by the pork section without looking at the liver. Ah…that’s the temptation!

Yellow Submarine… By the Beatles. It’s a lively and cheerful song.

My dream: Merging with reality!

Dip Drops Tip Top with a ribbon :)

I am a sucker for ribbon as well ๐Ÿ˜€
I thought I looked ๅฏ้ƒ… in this, until I heard comments that I looked ‘china’…;-/ Hahaha…never mind, I still like this ribbon blouse ๐Ÿ™‚

I finally ascertained something for myself. Hmmm, some thoughts actually. For some periods of time, I’ve been wondering, how do I ascertain that’s really what I really really like? It’s hard. Because it’s hard, I will just be doing nothing.

Just like my love for Scotland and Japan, how do I ascertain which country I really really like?

So…I can’t even convince myself what I like. That’s why I am going to achieve my other dreams first. It’s interesting to see how my heart actually flies out each time when it’s relating to that I like. It’s as if there’s no need for me to know what I really like, as my heart emits signals that are too obvious for me not to notice. But I can’t cross my hurdle. Perhaps I do like the alternative instead…can we have a good combination over here???

Who doesn’t want the best of both worlds?
…I think, I still have the space to imagine right?…
Hee…
Whatever, stay in focus first! (^_*)!

My dream: Merging with reality!

Banana Republic (Sale!)

I feel very sad when I buy my purchases at full cost. Of course, there are some which you like, but which die-die never have any sale or discounts or whatever…

For such, I will deliberate for a tremendously long time. How do I convince myself to get that thing, or something, or perhaps, even someone???????

Most of the time, I think and think, and I try to convince myself, that no, that’s not what I really like, that it’s a no-no…that’s what I told myself of a thing I wanted 5 years ago. I told myself, no, I’m acting on impulse, it’s just that kind of high feeling that I want or crave or desire, so please put away the thought away.

What I did 5 years ago, I’m still applying it currently. Just that this time round, I’m more sensitive to my heart. My heart’s desire(s). What I’ve missed out on 5 years ago, or perhaps even almost a decade ago, I’m getting on with them again. So…what does this mean? I hate to use this phrase, what’s yours will be yours eventually…to me this phrase is a passive statement. And I dislike being passive. I like to make choices and I like to give myself choices. I don’t want to just be focused on one, and die-die think that that’s the one, that’s it. I don’t want. I like and crave for freedom. Hence, I don’t think I can manage things well if I don’t have a choice. I think if ever I’m left without a choice, but just one right in front…I will run away. Run far far away…before I can make my final decision.

Isn’t this strange? I’m forever running away. And this time round, I conveniently place something in my life so that I can also run away…with an excuse!

Yes, I’m a coward in this sense. Because I really can’t convince myself, I really don’t want to make myself clear.

After all….years later, when I’m done with my running away and my dreams…what’s mine will be mine, right?

๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜

My dream: Merging with reality!

Loving mesh (oh again)

Long Mesh skirt from Oshara
Polka dotted jacket from Mango
Yellow top from Uniqlo

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ๅฌไบ†ๅทซๅฏ่ดค็š„ไธ€้ฆ–ๆ—งๆญŒ ใ€ŒๆธฉๆŸ”็š„ๆ‹’็ปใ€ใ€‚ๅ‹พ่ตท่ฎธๅคš้šพๅฟ˜็š„ๅ›žๅฟ†ใ€‚ๆˆ‘็š„ไธญๅญฆ็”Ÿๆถฏใ€‚

ๆˆ‘ๆƒณ๏ผŒๆˆ‘็กฎๅฎžไธๅ–œๆฌข้‚ฃไบ›ไน–ไน–็š„ไนฆ็”Ÿใ€‚ๆˆ‘ๅ–œๆฌข๏ผŒๅ’Œๆˆ‘ไธ€ๆ ทๆœ‰ๅ›้€†ไธชๆ€ง็š„ไบบใ€‚ๆˆ–่ฎธๅฏนๆˆ‘่€Œ่จ€๏ผŒ่ฟ™ๆ ทๆ‰ๅฏŒๆœ‰ๆŒ‘ๆˆ˜ๆ€งใ€‚

ๆ˜ฏๅ—๏ผŸ

ๆˆ‘ไธๅ–œๆฌขไปคๆˆ‘ๆ„Ÿๅˆฐๆฒ‰้—ท็š„ไบบใ€‚
้‚ฃๆ˜ฏไธ€็ง็—›่‹ฆ๏ผŒไธ€็งๆŠ˜็ฃจใ€‚
ๅคช็บณ้—ทไบ†๏ผ

ๆŒ‘ๆˆ˜ๆ€ง๏ผŒๆดปๅŠ›๏ผŒๅ†ฒๅŠฒๅ„ฟ๏ผŒๆ‰ๆ‘ธไธๅฎš…
ๆ˜ฏๆˆ‘๏ผŒ่ฟ˜ๆ˜ฏไป–๏ผŸ๏ผŸ๏ผŸ

My dream: Merging with reality!

A nice silk skirt

Got this at a discounted price, as usual. I don’t fancy paying much for a piece that cost almost a hundred. Why would I? And especially so when it’s not even a long piece of material. I guess, I’m a Scrooge when it comes to such things. I believe in the Emperor’s new clothes. Hahaha…?

One problem with me is I tend to feel hungry in the middle of the night. However, I adhere strictly to no food after 10…or 9plus…especially so, after dinner. I’m not a supper person now. I learnt how to control my urges ๐Ÿ˜€ Likewise, I’ve learnt how to control my desire to eat cakes ๐Ÿ˜€ I have a super soft spot for cream cakes, choc cakes, cheese cakes, name it, most cakes!!!! But now, I can control my desire for it. As for ice cream, hmmm…somehow these days, I’m enjoying more of it. But of course I still need to control my diet. I’m getting fatter…fatter, boomz! LOL

Oh, I’m really looking so forward to Tuesday!!!!!!! I hope that things will turn out nice ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ So exciting!

I miss Hokkaido a lot a lot a lot!!!!! Maybe when I’m ready… Maybe when things are finalised…
Maybe when I’m convinced…
Maybe…

One step at a time. I have the tendency to want to do all at the same time. I always wish to have MORE of me. Hahaha. I think that’s good. I can’t change the nature of time, but I can change myself ๐Ÿ™‚

Have I really changed? Or am I just being transported back to my original self? I am glad that I’m continuing my journey, and not making too much of pit-stops. I guess, the desire must be there…all else take a side stand for the time.

My dream : Merging with reality!

My love for lace

Hearts and lace. Oh fluffy ๐Ÿ˜€
Maybe I should put away my girly clothes and put on the sharper ones. Do I really want that? Just like how I dislike wearing black…

I really can’t imagine how people pretend to be friendly and bubbly and enthusiastic and sorts. Ok, I do really know of people who are really friendly, bubbly, enthusiastic and sorts…they are wonderful and you can just catch on such positive vibes. Vibes are something you can’t create and neither can you fake it. Well, for those who just like to behave in a very eccentric norm, and pretend, hmmm…deep down within themselves, they just don’t have that confidence. After all, being the second best isn’t what people want. Being left with no choice or limited choice is even a worse feeling. Who will really want to recognise that?

Hence, I always like to advocate, it’s gonna be MY choice. I like the empowerment here. To be having choices, to be able to choose, to be able to reject. I like the fact that, it’s my choice. I don’t like to attribute all circumstances to others, all issues related to others. My life, my choice, my wants. Oops, I’m very self-centred!

Why wouldn’t I be self-centred? I’ve waited for super long years to finally retrieve my freedom and free will. It’s no joke living in a cage. But to survive in a cage, it’s easiest being a robot. Everything can be programmed. Everything can be seen as being properly done. Everything can be perfect. Haha, that’s being fake, right? But the robot doesn’t care. As long as robot survives ๐Ÿ™‚

Robot can malfunction. Or perhaps so, being reprogrammed. Hence, the end result, imperfections ๐Ÿ˜€ I like being a programmer. Tried my maiden programming dinosaur years ago with Basic Programming. It’s fun scripting the variants. Oh my… I had so much fun then!!!!…

I really believe…that if we keep praying…yes, prayers will be answered. I’m very hesitant. I just want to complete my stuffs, attain my dream first and foremost. The others? Surely, can leave it till the later part, right? I just need to clear my thoughts. And convince myself of my decision and pray about it.

Thinking…I’m having a physical headache now.

My life with dreams, love and family ๐Ÿ™‚

Loving Yellow: Yellow Submarine :)

A happy person doesn’t need any reason to feel really happy. It’s just there for him/her. Blessed ๐Ÿ™‚

I once knew of someone, who seemingly had everything placed properly. Good set of proper parents, friendly personality, good job, good-mannered spouse etc…but this person was deeply unhappy. It came as a shock to me, as well, I never seem to be able to grasp the concept of unhappiness. It’s fine to be sad (for a while), it’s fine to whine and lament (for a while), it’s fine to indulge in some particular feelings (for a while)…but it’s definitely strange (at least to me) if such a person has everything negative to say regardless of the moments in life. I didn’t know it wasn’t fine, coz I had been strayed and psycho-ed into a sadistic norm for a very long period of time. Perhaps I didn’t understand the concept of unhappiness that existed in some people, and hence I mistook it for a norm under the state of happiness. Anyway, I grew so sick and tired of hearing such toxic whining and stuffs from the person, that it pushed me to a different realm, where I met my fellow smurfees! This is great ๐Ÿ˜€

I don’t think it’s fair to anyone if I come every now and then to run up to you and cry for help. Basically, I see this as a major form of weakness, and more so if it comes from someone whom I thought I would admire. Likewise, I am very aware that there exists this mini group of beings who will just exploit your kind and gentle nature. It’s always easy to manipulate a weak minded person, especially so when the manipulator knows what the weak wants and hence it’s easy to just dangle a carrot right in front.

I do not admire bullies and manipulators. No doubt they would make me feel good about myself at times, I’ve learnt that this was generally because they had their secret agenda of obtaining favours from you. However, it’s always easier to just tell oneself, this isn’t so…is that really SO???…

People say those who like the color Yellow like money. People say those who like the color Green are full of envy. It’s easy to just push the blame on others, and say, it’s what others say, not me, it’s what others do, not me. Oh really? Why aren’t we being empowered to do things for ourselves and with our own strength and capability???

I say, therefore I am.
It’s easiest to just drop the bait for the weak to grab. For the weak will grab at anything.

Really?

Who knows, I am just spouting nonsense ๐Ÿ˜€ on a super hot climate!

My life with dreams, love and family ๐Ÿ™‚

Tortoise…step by step…

Me no bullet train.
Me no charging bull.
Me no blind mule.

I realise there are some types of attraction I can’t resist. But it’s obvious to me that I know, within that moment. Just like how I love my freedom, how I love my lodge, how I love my dreams…I realise, where there’s an attraction, it’ll be a constant nagging thought…after the hectic moments. I used to not to live. I didn’t know I wasn’t living then. I used to not to roam. I didn’t know that wasn’t a norm. However, I knew and know that nagging thought, that constant pull and tug, that fluttering sensation. It’s easy to just cast that aside, as I do behave much like a robot. But I do know, and recognise the huge differences in how I feel, what I feel. I definitely don’t want the other party to be of ‘use’ to me. How do I really put it? I agree that love needs no reason. I don’t love a person because the person can offer me something. This isn’t a transaction. Never was and never is in my dictionary. Can’t I just simply enjoy that time and feeling???…For me, I will never forget that moment of ‘feeling’. Why?…because I like to indulge in the moments. Hmmm…does that make sense???

It’s interesting to note that i feel.

Me, my steps are just like the tortoise. I really can’t move any faster, and I don’t want to move faster. Why must I, when I am very happy with my own pace? I hate it when people say, hey hurry up, hey keep up with the pace. Why shouldn’t I tread on the road less travelled? Why can’t I like what I like?

๐Ÿ™‚ Of coz, I can ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s why I don’t like it when people like to compete. And the worse, compete with me??? For what?…This really doesn’t prove anything much. It certainly doesn’t mean anything to me either. To me, I’ve always like Lego, and if Megabloks has a higher market share, it doesn’t change my affinity towards Lego. Well, in this case, even if Lego doesn’t get its market share, I’m still fine, because I discovered, that right from the start, I like stuffs like Sylvanian Family and Playmobil. I thought that Lego was the toy I liked so much since I spent much time with it. Well, no…I’ve always been more attracted to the likes of Sylvanian Family and Playmobil. Isn’t this strangely funny?

What baffled me most was still the fact that people insisted I liked Lego so much that they never knew my likes were the other two ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ฆ And actually, I wondered why they didn’t know! O_O

Hard to figure. Yes and No.

I like people who take calculated risks. And I like people who have plenty of real experiences to share, really living a life, and not merely fulfilling society’s expectations of themselves.

I need that time. Till then.

My life with dreams, love and family ๐Ÿ™‚