Chasing Dreams: Wonderland

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All of us have dreams. Don’t we?

As I move forward in time, I realised the importance of having dreams. And not just dreaming, but being actively pursuing them. Or living my dream out. YOLO seems to be a catchphrase of our current generation, and it seems to be highly attractive to many. As with all things, it depends on how you use it. Some people upholds this in a positive manner, whereas some simply abuse this notion. At the end of the day, what matters the most, is still our hearts.

Many times, I have to convince myself, that there is no need to be so truthful about my feelings and ideas. I ought to just keep the viewpoints to myself, mind my own stuffs and not to think for others. I see many people doing just that, so why couldn’t I be like them? Just blend in.

There are times when I do just that. Keep quiet. And think that I am invisible.  Sadly, this doesn’t last long, and I feel tired that I have to be involved. There are just too many things that pull me away from my me-time. My me-time is super precious. And I recently shared with a friend, that in the area of relationships, I cannot multi-task.

I don’t know whether I have allowed people to understand this part of me. Here I am…quiet…and invisible…why on earth would I want to be noticed???

I don’t like it when random people hit on me. Sorry, I know my attractiveness, and I need no further confirmation. I just want to be quiet and enjoy my time. I have had very noisy periods earlier in my time, and I crave for serenity and just the simple chirping of birds. I wish that things are just simply so. But people are so complicated after all. And I do not want to be involved in the complexity of life.

I prefer to be close to the nature. Do my stuffs and be happy with my dreams.

Left and Right

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Whenever I do such tests, I get similar results. So even if I do not want to trust the credibility of the tests, I still have to face the reality of the results. The root still remains the same. I am me. And that’s why I process pretty much the same way year after year.

Having said that, we still face changes in life. I have plans, but I do know that my plans will only move with God’s provision. And yes I know it’s true. Every time I go to the crowded car park, I say a prayer to God. And voila! I have a parking lot vacated just for me. Still remember that day I almost gave up hope at the quaint eating place. And there my friend was saying that in such a situation, if ever I get a parking lot, it’s akin to striking TOTO/4D, that the lot is indeed meant for me. I was still dissing at his comment, that such a good thing would not happen to me…lah…and then the next moment, a car vacated from the lot in front! Couldn’t believe that good things could happen…to me…I still tried to say that the lot was meant for the car in front…not me…I don’t want to fight with the car in front…the lot belonged to the front car…blah blah blah. Oh well, so I deliberated for awhile, while my friend tried to make me see his point. The front car made no movement…5 secs…OK. I got it. The lot is mine INDEED 😄😄😄😄😄

So how is this parking incident related to changes and my plans in life?

Firstly, I recognise that I have a plan to go and eat at the place. The plan requires some changes because I feel overwhelmed by the huge amount of car within the limited lots. I psycho-ed myself that good things do not happen to me. At the same time, I said a quick prayer to God about the situation. But still, I was very half-hearted about it. And then viola! Ok, got it.

And yes, I plan a lot. Many plans. I know it’s amusing that I have Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. And I also have 5-year Plan, 10-year Plan, 20-year Plan. Oh haha haha…and seriously, I really think that my plans can work out…! But of course, I need God’s blessings, huge amount of blessings!!!!

One weakness about me is my procrastination. I can really take my own long sweet time to move…so, I need to find motivation for me to move…my butt. On a daily basis, I think I shake legs most of the time, nothing better to do right? But well, once the time is ripe, I believe that all things will fall in place, properly and happily. So, please fan my motivation, let me know that it’s better to exercise than just shaking legs. 😎

Left and right. Right and left. You may have been so right and that’s why I left. I am sure, it’ll be happier for other people to think that they are right, rather than me insisting I am right. I don’t like to waste people’s time, so I might just as well let others be right..and they feel happy and stop bothering me.

Do things really work in this way? I may have very simplistic thoughts. To me, taking the left way will lead me to the same destination as taking the right way. The only difference is the sights I get to see and the feelings I encountered. I am happy with the sights now, and the upcoming sights. So I have no intention of taking another route at this moment. In fact, I am hard to be convinced. Or rather, I am obstinate.

But isn’t this what most people encountered? People only want to see what they want to see. Take for an instance an incident in the lift. I walked into the lift, without realising that there was someone who wanted to get out of the same lift. So yes, I was the rude one…and the someone who wanted to get out of the lift was the daydreaming one, for this person didn’t make the step to move out when the lift door opened. What was she waiting for? Waiting for the cows to come home? Duh. Never mind. So I was in the lift, and she wanted to get out. And this blur me realised what I had done, so I tried to press the ‘Door Open’ button for her. But because I was too slow, both arms carrying tons of grocery, I wasn’t able to stop the lift door from closing on her. I was worried for her, for she would be in pain, just as I put myself into her shoes. Well, she turned around, and angrily asked me, ‘Do you mind!?’ I didn’t quite get her, because my intention wasn’t to let the door close upon her. I tried to help, but I didn’t manage to stop it on time. She didn’t know, but obviously she misunderstood my whole intention. She thought that I pressed ‘Door Close’ on her. Oh well…she’s just being offensive or defensive…I don’t know, but to me, I have tried doing what I could do to help…and of course I failed in my attempt, but failures do not discredit my intention. So I leave it to God. God see my heart in doing so…the simplicity of my thoughts. At this moment, I realise, that many people have very complicated thoughts. It’s not that they are thinking too much. But I think they are thinking with anger, with sadness, with greed, with jealousy…and many other negative emotions. I don’t want to have a partake of such emotions. Not that I am a saint. I do encounter such negative emotions. But I try to steer far far away from them and not dwell in such feelings. For they disrupt your life.

I see what I want to see. Yeah, skies, mountains, snow. ⛅🗻❄

Salad: Keeping clear

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I have never loved vegetables as much as I do these days. I don’t detest veggies, just that when I was younger, they aren’t my cup of tea. However, our taste buds do change with time. What I used to like in the past, may not be what I like in current times. I suppose, that this is just part and parcel of growing up. Change is the only constant in life.

Perhaps since my supposedly favourite colour is green, and thus I have been eating the greens. They are good for me. Clearing my system, detoxification. Even though I love eating seafood and the beef, occasionally I will treat myself to a sumptuous spread of greens…salad…sometimes with the salmon roe, or with the ham…😙😙😙

Having been so busy earlier on, and stressed and tired with exams that aren’t mine to begin with, I am glad that I have the time to relax now. At least for a few days, before I embark on my next tactical methods which I have developed. And I am excited, having seen some fruits of our labor. This is a significant step for me, because I don’t believe in blindly mugging for the so-called major exams. I think my looks don’t really tell the truth about myself. In the past, many of my classmates thought I am one super-duper hardworking gal…I am not, exactly one. I am only hardworking, when I choose to do so, when I am decided, when I am convinced, when I have a goal. And usually, I exert all my energy towards the end…for I don’t think I can keep up with all the exhaustion and boring routine right from the early start. So while my classmates thought I was busy mugging, I was in fact watching TV most of the time…and reading the novels and non-fictional historical books….oh well…all things unrelated to the exams. Mum knew that I am not those sort who would diligently pick up a book to read and revise. But she trusted that I would do that when I deemed fit. And yes…I’ve been left pretty much on my own…all along. Do as what I desire…

I work much better in this way. I hate people breathing down my neck. I am a rebel. If I am not convinced and not ready, I would not even want to be interested. I may pretend…though…as I lack EQ most of the times and have to pretend I do have EQ in order not to let others feel bad. Okie, I have tried to emote.

I am happy for people who have advanced because they are ready and are convinced. It’s always a joy to see people embarking on different aspects of their lives with dreams and hopes. And passion. Yeah, passion. Being passionate in wanting to achieve something so badly that we just can’t let that go away.

Watched the movie ‘Inside Out’. Fantastic portrayal of feelings in our human system. However, the only grip I have is with SAD. Okie, the scriptwriters depicted that being SAD is important as well…but shouldn’t it be dependent on the situation? Why should one be SAD when the situation calls for JOY? I mean, there’s always a brighter side…if we choose to focus on that. I can’t stand the notion of SAD always being in her dark clouds…JOY is bright…

The best scene I like about this movie was about the imaginary friend — Bing Bong. Oh my, I love him so much! 💞💞💞 I don’t remember having an imaginary friend. Maybe I have one…when I was a toddler and eventually I talk to only God… Back to Bing Bong. He is such a happy friend! I fell into great laughter when Bing Bong was trying to help JOY and SAD back to the headquarters. And he said, oh I know the way to the headquarters. I know of a shortcut, follow me. Shortcut, (pointing to a signage above him), here is the shortcut, (spelling it out) D-A-N-G-E-R…Shortcut!…😄😄😄😁😁😁😂😂😂:):):) Bing Bong said all these so gleefully….the very fact that Danger is being misunderstood as Shortcut didn’t bother me too much then…oh haha haha! Thumbs up for the scriptwriters for this scene! 👍👍👍👍 Terrific!

In reality, how do people differentiate Danger and Shortcut? Some people prefer to work it out through sweat and labour, while some people prefer to wait for fools to throw the trash for them. Is there anyone who is confused between these 2 terms? (spelling it out) D-A-N-G-E-R…Shortcut!…😄😄😄😁😁😁😂😂😂:):):)

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