Is this the song?

I never get sick of listening to this favourite piece from Tohoshinki: Why did I fall in love with you?

However, I stopped listening to it for a few years. Not too sure of the reason. Maybe I didn’t allow myself to be distracted from my goals…maybe I kept telling myself to focus on this material realistic world…maybe…

Interestingly, I met someone who resembled one of the lead singers in Tohoshinki…and that’s even before the birth of this Korean boy band. Well, that’s the reason…i have had my fair share of meeting cute/gorgeous looking people…and of course, my JC best pal…and 梦.

Over these years, I’ve grown to understand what my friend meant about looks. Ok, I’m very superficial as well. I rather look at pretty faces…I know some prefer hunks…but that’s not my cup of tea. All along, my mum knows my taste…haha…

I know I need to give myself some time. Too independent, am I scary?…But at the same time, I know that’s what attracts some people to me. Because I am queer.

I ask myself this, is money everything?

He may have money, but he’s not happy.
He may have a well-paying career, but he’s not happy.
He may have many events to attend, but he’s not happy.
He may have a nice house, but he’s not happy.
How can one be happy?……

Maybe, happy is innate?

I am so used to facing everything by myself that I really don’t realise of people’s presence. It’s not that people aren’t important to me. It’s just me, being me. It is really very difficult for me to forget about my need for solidarity. I know, many times I’m too insistent on my solidarity that I somehow sabotaged the occurrence and development of a relationship. But then…that’s me…I know that this is lame, I am not holding responsibility for myself. I just throw my excuses around.

However, the issue is: If I can even ignore myself, how would I be able to acknowledge a person’s presence???…hmmm…tough.

I know I still have chances…and opportunities…but…the biggest hurdle is myself. Not anyone else. People say when you don’t accept Christ, it’s because you don’t allow yourself to be loved by Christ. Well, how does this relate or is in parallel to my situation?

I have been terribly occupied. I keep putting these thoughts away. Maybe I want to run away. Yes, I have the tendency to run away. Run away when one tries to tie my down. Run away when I feel stifled. And the problem is: I can’t even stand a 1% of stifling sensation…

I don’t like to baby people. Neither do I like people to baby me. What do I really like???…

I…like the skies…the breeze by the sea…the sounds and sights of the seagulls flying…and hearing the gentle voice…

Hmmm……

http://youtu.be/sP4A468sNTU

Looks are important to me…

Words from an android: Being overtly emotional may serve as a stumbling block, whereas being overtly heartless may create misunderstandings.

Advertisements

阿哲…Destiny

http://youtu.be/2dWF4OVh-Ps

Destiny…Soulmates…Emotional Connection

Laugh or cry???

I never liked these words till I think, 5/6 years ago???…then I stopped to think about such words. But well, not for long though, because it has been almost always people tell me I’m their soulmate…hmmm…how is it possible when I don’t think they are my soulmate??? …O_o…

I think I laugh at these words. Maybe not all. Destiny appeals to me 😊😊😊 Soulmates sounds too normal to me, nothing interesting enough…while emotional connection sounds quite utter rubbish to me…because if I don’t connect to the person, of course the person can’t be my soulmate right? Then if the person isn’t my soulmate, why tells me I’m the soulmate, I thought this must be mutual, no?…O_o…

So I’m leaning more towards destiny, steering away from soulmates…and running away from emotional connection…Hahaha…

Emotional connection…I don’t like…this drains my energy, I’m a Lone Ranger, so I prefer that I get to do what I like. Spend time only with people I feel perfectly comfortable and at ease with. Yes, I’m attracted to voice. But voice is not emotional connection……

Soulmates?…with the technology these days, I’m not amazed if one has a dozen soulmates!…a dozen is already a modest figure…LOL…

Ya, to message me with strange messages is strange, not soulmate. To share with me certain ideas I think that are personal is being too personal, not soulmate. To keep a lookout for me and going the extra mile…hmmm…okie, I appreciate…but soulmate???…

The closest encounter was 6 years ago. I like literature. I like poetry. So I like people who speak with a rhythm, with the perfect pitch…I can never stand people who speak loudly (not due to hearing impairment), do things loudly (showy), eat loudly…To sum up, I like the English Gentleman.

Hence I like characters from The Importance of Being Earnest, Middle March and Much Ado About Nothing. I think if one speaks fluently with poise and the right tone, higher chance for me to think about the term ‘soulmate’.

Words from an android: Being overtly emotional may serve as a stumbling block, whereas being overtly heartless may create misunderstandings.

Primary, Secondary, JC and Uni

http://www.youtube.com.sg/watch?v=GwOBqHszJLk

I have plenty of wonderful and good memories of my primary school days. Happily playing, happily joining my ccas: Netball, Band, Badminton, Library, happily doing Art, happily reading, happily doing Assessment Books on my own…Secondary school days were just as nice. Parents trusted me, despite my initial wayward activities. I’m glad and thankful, for my parents. They didn’t give up on me then. They continued to be by my side, giving me the trust. Never recalled encountering bad friends. Yes I knew that some befriended me because of my results. But these were never close to me, since they were not my friends in the first place. There were senior boys and girls who were good guides for me. I knew some bitchy girls in my class. And they were always far from me. I was shocked when one of them wrote to me that she admired and respected me….hmmm…Secondary school was fun, the only bully I encountered was an adult. Hahaha…thank God for my mum who loves me dearly to give that person an earful of her words. JC was good, but stressed…coz I realised that I had been growing up fast…really regretted not taking the Physics and Literature combination from Science Special Stream. Really regretted! Else now, most likely I’m in the barrister. Uni was both excellent and bizarre. LOL. Made a lot of friends, and realised for the first time in my life, that guys really like pretty girls…hahaha. And that good guys will always be there for you…in a very down-to-earth way, not romantic. But you will know it when you really meet 那一个好人.

那一个好人可能会在不同的阶段 出现。但是,出现时,难道我就会选择他吗?

Most likely not. Because I have too many things on my plate……

I’m looking forward to do my things. I can’t always forgo my likes simply because of a person. I really need to do what I really like…and I have the courage to do it. Seriously, I don’t like to be nagged at. Up till now, I still cherish freedom. The only ones I will give up my freedom for are my loved ones. And for them, I give up my freedom willingly.

I am thankful to God for placing and introducing many good people in my life. Especially thankful that He provides friendships in the way I expected least. And thankful for this year of new friendships God has given to me. I am really…speechless.

After all, I’m not a loner. I just enjoy time with myself. But I also enjoy time with great people. People who are real, who are sincere, who are positive, who don’t pay lip service, who love you simply.

Words from an android: Being overtly emotional may serve as a stumbling block, whereas being overtly heartless may create misunderstandings.