Oh my love and a dying heart

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I remembered the same kind of stirrings of the heart. It’s from God. Definitely. Most often than not, I am quite accepting of imperfections. I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. And thus it’s fine for people to be imperfect. But unfortunately, I also don’t expect many things from people. And well…

I am already quite a creative person. Just that I am also a very complacent person. Not too sure whether this is a common trait of an artist, I do remember my maternal grandfather as someone who’s complacent. He’s good with his talent and he didn’t hanker much for luxuries. I remembered him as someone who enjoyed painting…and strolling in his neighbourhood. He also liked to play mahjong with his friends. But that’s about all. When I grow old, will I be more like him? Just enjoy my painting?…

Currently, my main creations are my dishes. I love making bentos and it’s kind of therapeutic for me…placing my thoughts far away and in a land I love so much. Just like whenever I listen to this Korean pianist Yiruma, I can’t help but being reminded of those days…my first love. The land I love so much. And thus I also love her people. There are so many good people we have met. Of course, there are black sheep in every country…perhaps it depends on our social circle. We choose the type of people we want to associate ourselves with.

My first love, doesn’t occur only 9 years ago. It started when I was way younger…I remembered those moments back when I was about 5 years old. Fiddling with the ceramic music box, viewing the mirror and watching the ballerina…then I always looked forward to the books my aunt gave me, all the tons of Japanese books, and I learned with passion…along the way, I did numerous origami crafts and bookmarks just to give to my friends and for art exhibitions…I never forgot those days. I was so happy pursuing my passion. It’s a passion that never dies in me. Just that…as we grow up, there are just too many things we have to handle, and somehow we don’t get to allocate time for our passions. Maybe that’s why I feel so stifled. I feel so out of the world. I love to do only art, music and food. How??? Can I start my studies in this area???

Sigh.

I guess…sometimes I have to put thoughts away. How I wish right now, I can just hop on the train, and take the ride along the stretch of sea…watching the waves splashing…maybe I just need someone to calm me down with that voice. Yes, I am nuts for 诗情画意 kind of scene. I have never been very into practical passions. I do not stay just because I have to. I go as according to the wind, the music, and of course, most importantly God. For I know, my prayers have all been answered thus far. And His directions for me have always been right.

God is great. Hallelujah ⛪🙏🌈

I have taken more than a day to sort out my thoughts. It’s so good to spend moments with God. Just as always since young. Thankful to my primary schoolmate back then who showed me the love of God. If not, I would still be lost.

Thank God for your blessings.
Thank God for your love.
Thank God for being here for me.
Thank God for your patience.
Thank God for allowing me time.
Thank God for your plans.

Finding peace in You, my God.

………
Thank God for allowing me to be happy. I guess…many years ago I didn’t think I will be able to feel this. I thought of myself, as someone whose heart was dying, day by day. And all I wanted was to just get out. But being stuck was a horrible sensation. Coz I couldn’t move towards being happy. I didn’t know I was the one who allowed myself to be stuck. I simply concentrated on my dying heart. And perhaps dwelling on the negativity…But God picked me up. Once again. Just like more than 2 decades ago. God doesn’t allow me to be stuck. He gave me a direction. And I simply prayed and followed.

So now. It’s that similar feeling. And once again, I know that I am not stuck. The only thing I have to deal with, is my willingness. The willingness to forgo many things. There is no right or wrong in this. It’s more of a matter of how willing I am.

I guess, I need to identify my love.
Home is where the heart is.
🏡💖
Simply so.

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