Childhood dreams


A pair of shoes which delighted me in each step I walked.
Polka dots, ribbon and yellow.
Such simple designs make me happy.
There is no need for blings.

Do I have a simple life? Simple is all in the mind. Haha, wow such deep thoughts?…I guess, I have simple style. I am just so not into trendy stuffs. Neither am I a conservative by the way. So what am I? I am me.

One of my childhood dreams is to have a piano. And yes indeed, I will choose the one I like, and I’m going to put in my heart for the pieces I love. Yes, I love composing my own music. But I want to learn beyond that. I can do only the melody, but I need the entire piece. So what can I do? Play by ear? Hmmm

I always marveled at how affordable the pianos are, over in Japan. The same Kawai set will cost twice here…which is a sad thing for me. But then, piano prices seem to have dropped quite a bit over these years, so it’s highly likely that I shall get my first love after all…Music…is the key.

Quite intrigued with how I can appear to look so bloated over the years. Either I have been eating too well (too much most likely!) or I have been getting aplenty of water retention. Oh dear! 😱😱😱 Anyway, yup I still get random people asking me whether I’m a Korean…strange right? In the past, people thought I am a Japanese…and now Korean in recent years? Well, I really have to say that I am all natural. While I don’t think that I am a beauty in any way, I do think that my features do resemble some of the Koreans and Japanese. I have always love the Japanese. No doubt there are black sheep as well, I’ve encountered more kinder and generous ones…and yes, I do agree that having some good looks or nice features do help alot in getting things done…be it in local areas or overseas. And sometimes, having the features of a Korean also help too, when it comes to being “fierce” and insistent…thus i usually get things solved…

When I was younger, I thought of the world as being simpler. And thus I never ever thought of making the best of what I have or capable of…… Now, I am very much aware. Am I sad about such realisation? I have to remind myself, never to exploit or make use of people for my own benefit. Sometimes, it can be all too easy to just manipulate…but then, I don’t think I can do that for long. Coz it’s just not my nature. I don’t grow up in such an environment. Perhaps that’s why, in my earlier years, I looked more like a Japanese instead…

I’m still very manga, of which I think when I let down my guards, that’s when people see more of the real me. I try not to be manga, because I don’t want to be exploited. When I’m happy, I’m actually very manga. But the thing is, I’m more often happy than unhappy…thus it’s kind of stifling for me not to behave manga. Over the years, I have evolved. To the extent that I don’t show my manga self. Often.

I hope I get to establish more good and real friendships this year. I understand, that with all relationships, it’s a compromise based on willingness. Apart from chemistry. Yes, we need chemistry in friendships too, not just for romance. I shall try not to be such a hermit. Can I lessen my me-time? I’m still not keen…it’s all too comfortable for me to fall back onto my me-time. It’s hard to accommodate. In daily life. For travels, I think I have no problem with that. But I also want to do my own travels. Me-time travels. I find it very exciting to travel on my own, and getting to places, encountering new experiences… I like to socialise. But not over here. Hmm… maybe because in other countries, I need not show any commitment to maintaining friendships and such? I mean, I won’t get to see them so often as in monthly, weekly or daily right?… i prefer to maintain long distance friendships in a certain way. But people may not be of similar view as myself. Oh well.

I think in addition to my claustrophobia, I have many other phobias as well. They aren’t scary, and I have found ways to manage them…😂 If I can’t make up my mind, I freeze and not decide. If I love the items so much, I either get all or none. If I cannot commit, I just don’t…contact. 😄😄😄 These may be just my many naive ways of handling. But at least it’s better than I make a mess, right?

And for very important decisions, I can actually take a range of 4 hours till many years later…Yes, I can wait. As according to my preference. For my own decision. I would very much prefer myself to be convinced and remain committed to my decision, than to have a half-hearted mind about my decision…

So. Until. I. Decide. Clearly.
May take forever.


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